Today was Nathan's birthday. His first without his Mom and it was hard for all of us in our own way. Dad and Nadalene went and picked up a cake for Nathan tonight and the three of them came to my house. Josephine was still up so she was quite glad to help her Uncle Nate blow out the four candles we could find and Domenic woke up for the events.
It was harder than I thought it might be. It was hard to not think of our missing link and life of the party. We sat around and had tea and did manage to have a few laughs but I guess it was just hard to not miss our Mom tonight and I know it was another hard night for my Dad. I hope she was there with us. I think I felt her presence. I know I felt it through our love for her transcending to our love for one another.
We are looking forward to tomorrow night. Nathan will be hosting a party for himself. In anticipating the change and loss of his Mom, he will be making changes in being the one throwing the party this time. As such, we move on.
Happy Birthday Nathan! We love you.
62 comments:
angelique, i am so glad you are writing on your Mom's blog. it keeps this part of her close to you, it helps you share your loss and love, and for her friends here, it is pure gold.
happy happy birthday nathan. i know what your Mom would say:
'thank you for the privilege.'
i remember her saying how incredibly thrilled she was to think of you being called 'mr. khan.' you must be the best teacher in north america.
angelique, your Dad is a special man. it's obvious how much you love him and how much you help him just by being the wonderful daughter of two very wonderful people.
love always,
kj
Many Happy Birthday's!
p.s. you choose images as if you and your Mother decide together.
each picture you've shared is stunning, and just right.
love again angelique,
kj
Happy Birthday... they are to be celebrated :)
so sorry for your pain, but I know you are loved and that time will ease the pain and your Mum will never leave you.
xxx Robyn
and yes I too am very grateful that you are keeping in touch with us all x
Hello Dear Angelique, Thank you for doing this post; for sharing with us. My love across the miles...
Hapy Birthday to Nathan, and she would say thank you for the privilege. I learned that from in in such a short time. I am glad you are writing on your Moms blog. prayers to you and your family.
My dear Angelique,
Like my beloved - and yours - you have the gift of intimacy and sharing that makes distance disappear with the first word.
As kj, I am delighted you are sharing with the rest of us what is going on with the family these days. I haven't been writing because I know how busy you are but I am keeping in touch with Jacquie and I was hoping to have a little something ready for Josephine and Domenic to put in the mail this week, but they sent the wrong thing so it will have to wait until the right thing come and it will be on its way.
Wish Nathan a happy, as happy as it can be, birth anniversary. I know in my heart that your dearest Mother was there, helping both Josephine and Nathan blow the candles. Thank you again for sharing this here, it brings a bit of comfort to come here and find news of the family.
My love and friendship as always,
Allegra
It is wonderful to see you posting Angelique - you have a talent for writing and I hope you feel that posting helps a bit.
You may not be ready for this, but I found that starting to remember and tell funny stories about my dad (who passed last year) is a great way to start to move past the grief. It begins to be like he is almost in the room - we'll say "remember when dad walked right thru the screen door" and that leads to laughter (and a few tears) and more fun stories.
I think that's it's one way of not ignoring the elephant in the room (everyone is thinking about him, and we all know it) and acknowledging how much you miss the person, yet also beginning to celebrate their lives and continue to feel their daily presence.
Renee would be SO proud of you all - she just adored her family! I hope your dad is doing OK - it must be very very tough for him.
much love to you all, Mim
I'm so glad you were all able to enjoy a few joyful moments together.
Happy Birthday Nathan! Love Sascalia x
Happy Birthday and bless you all so very much.
Look for orbs on your photos. You may see your biggest star!
Lots of love!
Julie
Happy Birthday to Nathan.
Renee would want you all to live full, rich lives unencumbered by too much sorrow. How wonderful that you have each other with whom to celebrate life events and to remember the amazing woman that loved and nourished you all.
Dear Angelique, thank you for writing about Nathan's birthday. I know your mom would have written about him and wished him a happy birthday, and I know she is so happy that you did it for her. :) Please tell Nathan that I said, "Happy Birthday, Mr. Kahn!" to him. Your mom was so very proud of all of you, and I know she was proud that Nathan is such an amazing teacher. :) Nathan, your mom would want you to celebrate, you know that. You must all hold each other up, and I know it must be terribly hard. I am sending you buckets of strength and love. xo Pam
Happy Birthday Nathan! It means so much to us that you have kept up your Mom's blog Angelique. Through your Mom we came to know all of you and you are part of our extended family, we think of you often and love getting updates. I sahll continue to hold you all in my prayers, each occasion without your Mom will be different but you can rest assured that she is most definitely with you in spirit.
Angelique thanks for continuing to write about what life is like without your beloved Renee.
I am so glad you can feel Renee's presence...I can too.
Happy birthday Nathan hope you can feel the love and light we are all sending you.
(((((hugs)))))
Peggy xxxx
My heart always skips a beat when I see a new post here. Like KJ, I'm thankful you're doing this and I also hope it helps to soothe you in some way.
There's no way your mom would have missed Nathan's birthday. She was there,ever-present in each of your hearts.
Happy Birthday Mr. Khan ;)
Your mom was so so proud of you!
Love and blessings to everyone.
xoxo
Lolo♥
She will always be there with you; you will feel the presence.
It took me a long time after both my parents were gone to not grieve daily, but then a time came when it was only the delightful memories that came to visit, and smiles, and those moments, rare tho they are, when I know they are in the room with me.
My heart is with you......♥♥♥
XXOO....
Anne
Happy Birthday Nathan!
Happy Birthday Nathan. And thank you Angelique for posting on your Moms page. We all miss her terribly, and can only imagine how difficult this is for you. She IS with you, every step of the way. She loved you all so much. Her legacy will live on.
xoxoxo
Happy Birthday to Nathan and love to you all.
I second Kj's thoughts. So glad you are here.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATHAN!!! Things will get better with time, even though you will always miss your mom, there will be light and laughter and love and joy again. I promise.
xoxo
I know it is hard everyday, but certain days will be even harder...your mom would not have missed it, in fact she was there with bells on the tips of her angel wings.
Angelique, thank you for continuing to share your world with Renee's (and now YOUR) blogging family. It helps us to know what you are doing, good days and bad ones, and keeps us connected to your wonderful family.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATHAN! And I mean: HAPPY! Renee would want all of you to celebrate.... and as KJ rightly said, she would thank Nathan (and all of you) for "the privilege".
I think that slowly, you are relaxing enough to let Renee flow into your life and spirit now...your children know she is there... and you will know this more and more. Believe it.
I am sending birthday greetings to Nathan from San Francisco.
I send my love and strength to Wahid, to you, dear one, to Jacqui, to the children - you all remain in my heart and my prayers....as Renee does.
Love,
♥ Robin ♥
Thank you for telling us about this important event, Angelique. We will be with you in spirit as you celebrate Nathan, one of your mom's treasures. As she would say, "Thank you for the privilege." I believe, with all my heart, that she is always with you. It may take some time to learn to feel her presence, as you were so accustomed to her physical presence. This is a hard transition, but I believe that, if you look and listen, you will know she is with you.
Sending love to all of you. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Angelique,
thank you for sharing your family with us, Renee would adore this , I'm certain.
Happy Birthday to Nathan
love and prayers to Wahid, and to all of you.
Happy Birthday to Nathan! Thank you for continuing Renee's blog.
You all have each other, and your mom is with you in spirit. From everything I read, you have such a wonderful and close family. Most people aren't that lucky. It's great to know you will never be alone.
Enjoy every moment of this life, it is a gift, even with the pain.
xoxo
betty
When I saw this, my heart skipped a beat. How wonderful that, in some way, the blog lives on through you, Angelique. Thank you for this.
Happy birthday to Nathan and blessings to all of you.
Happy Birthday, Nathan. I still giggle over how Renee teased about setting you up with my daughter, my Bad Alice.
Angelique, you had asked for links for posts honoring your Mom and here are mine: http://midlifepoet.blogspot.com/2010/03/renewal.html
http://midlifepoet.blogspot.com/2010/02/fly-fly-renee.html
http://midlifepoet.blogspot.com/2010/03/renee-day.html
Happy Birthday, Nathan! Much love to you and your family.
A big Happy Birthday to Nathan. I'm so happy that there were a few moments of happiness. Your Mom was there with you all. Thank you for posting, you Mom would want you to do that. Take care. ::hugs::
have fun tonight nathan...you're new car sounds gorgeous....
i know it will be different, and we would all love it to be with your mom, but it simply can not be, and she would want you to have fun and go on. i know if there is any possible way she is watching you from above. love you to the moon and back nathan...happy 27th birthday........love auntie jack
The 'firsts' are always so hard and with such a big family,you're in for a few. Happy birthday to Nate and we all remember your mum with such fondness, I'm sure she's 'with' you in some way.
Happy Birthday Nathan. Hope you have a great party tonight. I have no wise words to say, except I do know your mom will have been very pleased that you all would have gotten together to celebrate Nathan's Birthday. Thank God Josephine & Domenic were up for the party. They would make things a little easier for all of you. Loved the (bells on the tips of her angel wings) Shelly. Looking forward to seeing you all, towards the end of May. Love you Tons.
Happy Birthday Nathan!
Your mother is very very proud of you Mr.Khan!
Thank you Angelique!
Happy Birthday Nathan...
Your mom would say she was the one that was blessed with such a son as you...
I too am so glad you've written on your mom's blog... Thank you Anelique.
For any time you can write here.
I love the fact of how proud your mom was, Nathan, that you'd become a teacher!!! I remember like Kj how thrilled she was to think you'd be Mr. Khan in the schools.
I think of your mom daily with so much love and appreciation... I was blessed to know her and love her.
What a perfect picture you have for this post... your mom is directing you...
Much love~Pattee
Happy birthday Nathan! I hope that, in spite of everything, you're all enjoying a wonderful party this evening.
Jamie
Love to you all...
Happy Birthday Nathan,
Love lives on... and will strengthen you on your way,
Much love to all, M
Oh my heart always skips a beat when I see this blog come up on my reader. Angelique thank you for continuing to share with us news from your family. And a belated but heartfelt happy birthday to Mr Khan too!
As always you are in my thoughts and prayers. Isn't KJ just the biz boz?? She's right about the pictures isn't she?? xx Jos
Angelique your writing is beautiful as Renee's. thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on your Mom's blog here. she lives on in you and that is beautiful! Happy Birthday to Nathan, and many many more.
May peace be with you all.
It is difficult to celebrate when hearts are aching. I lost my brother to cancer in December 2008 and have found birthdays, Christmas, anything of family significance really, is just so hard without him here.
Every day they are in our hearts and even though the sadness seems endless, the love is not.
Lots of love to you Angelique and thanks for continuing to blog.
Happy birthday Nathan!
Biggest birthday wishes to Nathan. I hope his party was wonderful. Your mother would have insisted that it be so.
My heart goes out to your dear father.
One day at a time.
xoxo
Happy Birthday Nathan, The special events in our lives are difficult after losing your dear mom. You are such a support for your dad and the little ones always help out. Blessings to you all, barb
Awww hon...it will be this way for a while..before things brighten up again! But I know in my heart that she was there watching and celebrating with you all!! She would love that you did!!
Great big Happy Birthdays to Nathan!
The week after my Mom passed was my daughters birthday..she was six at the time..we celebrated because well..she was six and would not miss it..but for myself and my sisters..it was really hard and the loss felt dearly!
Sending gentle swan hugs to you hon, Sarah
Thank you from me too, for writing here, so that we can share these tough times with you. Renee visited my blog often and I was so glad for the brief time that I knew her.
She made me laugh, sometimes very loudly :)
I wish I could offer comfort. I can't. But what comfort there may be in words, you are more than welcome to it all.
Love and hugs to you and your family.
So many of these firsts without your mother ahead. And yet, clearly her spirit live son in you all.
Hi Angelique,
Happy Birthday to Nathan and glad that you were able to have some happy moments.
Sending love and strength to your family.
Hugs
Carolyn
Your writing is so much like Renee's. It just cuts through the fog and sheds light on whatever the subject. Bless your family and 'thank you for the privilege' of staying with us a bit longer.
jos, what does biz bos mean? i want to know if i should be one or not... :)
angelique, please tell your Dad i am thinking of him, that he made my day.
love
kj
So many comforting words here.
Thank you so much for continuing to include us in your family. Life brightens when I see you have posted.
And a happy birthday to Nathan.
I am sending lots of love to you and especially your father.
Happy Birthday Nathan!!!Thank YOU Angelique! Love and prayers to all the family!
Angelique - I just am stopping by to say hello to you. Renee is in my thoughts this morning. Much love - xo Pam
Yay! Happy Birthday Nathan! I know it must be difficult to constantly feel the void that Renee left, but I'm sure Nathan's party helped a bit.
We're all thrilled that you are keeping Renee's spirit and her blog alive by posting your stories from time to time. It's like she never left.
I still carry around the Christmas card she sent me, and look at it practically every day...and smile.
I'm sorry for your continued struggles and pain. I cannot imagine what you are all going through. Please continue to hang in there...keep writing here...it was a great outlet for your mom and it will be for you, too.
Thinking of you always.! Much love.
PS Happy (belated) birthday Nathan.
Happy birthday Nathan! Love to you all and thank you Angilique for writing on Renee's blog.
Dear Angelique, i am thinking of you all especially this weekend! Much love, Silke
Happy Birthday sweet Nathan. I am sure your sweet grandmother watches from above.
Happy Birthday Nathan!
Hello Angelique, I don't know if you celebrate mother's day in canada...but it is mother's day here...it made me think of your mom and all of her precious children and grandchildren, and of you and how you must be longing for her...how courageous and generous you are to continue her blog. She is smiling at your from deep inside your own heart, heavens blessed realm. happy mother's day.
Just checking in. I know today is going to be hard, the first Mother's Day without your mom. Thinking of you and Renee and sending love and hugs. xoxo
A belated birthday wish to you Nathan....your mother truly smiled down on you on this day, and will everyday now!
Your brother is an amazing teacher and my class is so lucky to have him!!! :)
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