Tuesday, 11 March 2008
63 Years of Wedded Bliss
This is a little ditty about Harry and Daisy (also known as my Dad and Mom) and how they made Jacquie and I laugh our fucking heads off yesterday.
I am going to assign each member of this conversation a font: Mom italics, Dad bold, and Jacquie "quotations."
Drop off a prescription, decide to go see Mom and Dad, buzz their apartment to be let in.
Hi Mom, how are you? That fucking buzzer just gave me a shock. I usually put a kleenex on it but I didn't this time. Shit. Mom sits on the couch, turns the volume down on the tv and asks us what is up? We talk about this and that and that and this.
How is Dad feeling Mom? Your poor father, his eye is killing him and it almost looks like he has an infection. He went to the doctor today, did some grocery shopping, and picked us up some fish. He is sleeping now and is sleeping all the time. He is not feeling well at all.
Jacquie goes in the bedroom to see if Dad is awake. I hear them talking. Jacquie comes out and Mom proceeds to tell us a story.
Five minutes later Dad comes stumbling out of the bedroom from a sound sleep. Mom pops off of the couch like a jack-in-the-box and Dad flops on his back with his feet on Mom's pillow. He pulls his eyelids open and Mom starts shaking an
eyedrop bottle of polysporin.
While Mom is shaking the bottle she is still talking. Dad who hasn't
spoken yet, as he is still in a half-sleep makes a hand
motion of come on already get this show on the road.
Christ Harry, what is your problem? Would you just but the goddam eyedrops in? Jacquie is laughing hysterically in a chair. I start laughing and cover up my face with my coat so that they can't see I'm laughing too. I want only Jacquie to get caught.
Daisy, just put the goddam drops in. What is your problem? Do you want to put your own drops in? My thumb has arthritis and I can barely squeeze the bottle. For Christ's sake. "ha ha ha ha." ha ha ha ha.
They finish, Dad sits up. Mom keeps yapping and Dad holds up the kleenex he has in his hand to wipe away the tears from the drops and pretends it is a white flag and says I surrender.
I should bloody-well hope so.
ha ha ha. ha ha ha. "ha ha ha." ha ha ha. ha ha ha.