Friday, 19 February 2010

Josephine Loves Her Grandma and Grandma Loves Her Josephine

It has been two weeks and one day since Josephine has last seen her Grandma and it feels like an eternity. She, who has been so lucky to have spent so much of her two and a half years with Grandma, may not see her again and that just makes me feel so heartbroken. Josephine is addicted to her Grandma and her Grandma is addicted to her. Even in her drug induced states, my Mom has been speaking about her Josephine, who I am proud to say, has a spirit as strong as her Grandma’s.

It feels like it’s been forever since I sent the update but it has just been one long roller coaster of a week. Considering all the love and prayers that you have all been sending, I am surprised that my Mom isn’t cancer free right now. I have to thank you all for your support and comments. They have been truly uplifting for our family in such a horrible time. Unfortunately, things are not going so well for my lovely Mom. It is now the beginning of the end for her.

It turns out that the cancer has spread to the stomach, the lining, and the bone marrow. All of which have been causing much pain. I only just saw my Mom with relief on Wednesday. It was wonderful to have my Mom back, even if for only 20 minutes. The doctors have not given us much for prognosis and no amount of time will ever be enough. All of a sudden, things seem to be happening so fast.

We are lucky to have such a wonderful family to help us get through this. Despite all that has been happening over the past 6 months, we couldn’t ask for more support and love. My Auntie Mickey and Colette have been around to spend days and evenings with my Mom. My Auntie Jacquie and Auntie Camille are doing everything they can to come down at every opportunity, as well as my Auntie Shelly. I have had my cousins Taylor, Chrissy, and Natalie, as well as my Auntie Jeannine come to watch the kids for me so I can also spend time with my Mom during the day. We are so grateful for their love and support, as well as others that I have not mentioned.

Even though I knew Josephine and Domenic wouldn’t have this amazing person in their lives for very long, I couldn’t help but feel that just maybe, she might make it for another 20 years. She wasn't a Grandma long but you couldn’t imagine a better Grandma. As my Mom would say, she learnt from the best.

She is such an amazing mother. We are so heartbroken as we watch someone we love suffer so much yet persevere. I understand that this is how life goes but it still feels unfair. I know how lucky I have been to have had such a beautiful person so close to me in my life but I still demand a recount. I still need my Mom for another 54 years. She is my first home, my biggest cheerleader and my first and greatest true love.


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Jaliya said...

Angelique, thank you for writing again ... What a marvelous family you are part of. You are all surrounded by countless prayers, good thoughts, and cascading love.

Renee ... Dear heart, you are loved and missed so much ... and tucked into a zillion hearts. I wish I could wave away your pain. What a love you have been to so many. Je t'adore!!!!!! xoxoxoxoxox

Inner Toddler said...

Angelique, I am so sorry you are going through this. My heart goes out to your family. I only just found your mom a few months ago but somehow we developed a sweet relationship based on quickie comments - sincere, sarcastic, silly, all of it - that has meant the world to me. Please please send her my love and my deepest wishes for her comfort. She is an incredibly special person and I've loved sharing her with all of you, even for a brief span. You are a beautiful family. love, susie

Deborah said...

Blessed be God forever, blessed be His Holy Name. Lord, God, look upon your humble, faithful servant, Renee, and grant her peace, freedom from pain, and the ability to be present with her family to give them all what they need. Fill the room with Angels, fill the darkness with your light, and fill the hearts of all with the KNOWING that You are God, You are in control, You have a plan, and that you are preparing The Banquet for your beloved Renee, who has done her Big Work so well. Blessed Mother Mary, hold Renee's children in your arm, in the safety of thy mantle and bring them peace. And for Renee's faithful, beloved spouse, bring him comfort and strength.

I believe in the Holy Ghost;
the holy catholic church;
the communion of saints;
the forgiveness of sins;
the resurrection of the body;
and the life everlasting.


Linda Sue said...

Thank you for keeping us informed. First word out of my mouth was "SHIT!" Renee knows that is always my first word after hearing the worst! she also knows that it means - "love so much it hurts" and "what's to be done." You must know, also, that your family has become ours- we love you dearly because Renee shared and shines so brightly. She has had a stellar life- I hope that her pain meds have been pumped up and she can just bliss out, surrounded with love from all of us !

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...

May dear Renee be infused with all the love coming her way from around the world. As you say, if love could heal her body she would know a cure. Love HAS healed her mind and soul - she is surrounded by it in the family she created.
May Renee be free from suffering. May you all be at peace.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

This news is heart-breaking. I pray for the best palliative care in the world for Renee. She is surrounded by her family's love. Be brave and strong.

Gloria said...

Angelique, I pray for you and yours. Thank you for letting us know. Please tell Renee I love her and I wish I could wash away her pain. What a family you have and how wonderful that Josephine loves her Grandma so much. I am praying for you Renee my amiga. You are a part of this world and always will be. Love gloria

Catherine said...


Thank you so much for the update. I'm sitting here in tears because I just love your mom so much. She was one of the first people to really show me how a mom should be just through the simple and supportive comments she would leave on my blog. You know and we all know how wonderful she is.

Sending all my love, Catherine

Elizabeth said...

Angelique, my heart goes out to you and it just seems impossible to be reading about beloved Renee on a computer screen -- this woman, your mother, who has touched so many people, has touched me and loved me and supported me -- my heart is filled with sadness to lose her, to know how much you will miss her.

May you and your family find peace through your love for one another. And may Renee be relieved of her pain and fly with the angels that she has graced us with so many times.

Steph said...

Thank you for the update, I dont know what words to say. There are no words to express my sorrow for you. My mom is my best friend, and you are living my worst nightmare. I am so sorry for everything you and your family have endured.
Stephanie Anderson

Pattee said...

OMG Angelique I am so thankful that your have written this about your mom. my best friend, my angel, I can't stop crying right now but know that I love your mom more than I could ever possibly love someone... please tell her if you can ~
My love Renee


Angie Muresan said...

I am so pleased that you update us. Please tell your mom that not an hour goes by where I don't say a prayer for her. I love her and I miss her. Not only are you all blessed to have her in your lives, I feel blessed too. Love and hugs and kisses to all of you.

Lisa Lectura Creations said...

Dear Angelique,

"Grandma Loves Her Josephine" indeed. Not sure if you know, your mom asked me to create a special birthday gift in advance for Josephine to hang in her new room. From all the emails I received from your mom, I know how deeply she would want Josephine to have this. I would love to send her gift to you. Please email your address when you get a chance to lisalectura[at]yahoo[dot]com.

Thank you so much for letting us know about your mom. My heart aches knowing all too well what your mom is going through. I lost my mom to cancer a couple of years back. I hated not being able to take away her pain. Your mom is in my thoughts and prayers.


cinner said...

Angelique, I have only followed your Moms blog for a short period of time, she touched my life with her strength and honesty. I am sending my prayers to Renee and you and all your family. Though I do not know you, you will forever have a spot in my heart. I pray for strength for you all in the days to come.

A Thousand Clapping Hands said...

Renee - My sweet, loving, and generous heart is breaking. I have been sitting here not wanting to click off...I love you, Renee. I love you so much.


Elizabeth said...

I have posted about Renee on my own blog and will continue to pray for her peace and relief from pain.

~* Peach Street Folk Art *~ said...

My heart is breaking...I love you Renee ...


Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

So thoughtful you are, Angelique, to let us all know how Renee is doing. Just like your mom, she is proud of you, I just know.

Your words, so personal and heartfelt, tell us all what she means to you, the world...

And I smiled as I read the love and support and closeness of your family and how that has helped you all through this perilous journey so far, and will continue to sustain you.

Just knowing your mom in the little way I do, gives me hope, truly, that life is worth living, if one can live and love as your mom has...

Ribbon said...

Thank you so very much for making the time to keep us posted.

As you can imagine this news is not good news, but I am pleased to be in the know.

I miss her very much and feel extremely privileged that Renee lets me be a part of her life.

Renee sits comfortably in my heart and I will carry her always as she is such a pleasure to have around.

Big love to you Renee and your beautiful family.

xoxoxoxoxo Ribbon

Allegra Smith said...

Angelique, you know how much I love your mother. To think of her in pain just simply breaks my heart. She is a true friend and I miss her so much that words cannot explain just what I feel. I called the Hospital hoping to hear her voice once again but she was asleep. Small sacrifice not to hear her if she was at least pain free.

Please know that there are very few human beings I have come in contact with in my life that have taken my heart so completely. She and I have a pact, a promise. To us it meant a lot then and more than ever now. Just say to her please that Allegra said: Life After Life Forever. She will know what that means and may bring her some comfort to know that I will keep my part forever.

Much love to you and the rest of the family while my heart is breaking.

nollyposh said...

Thank~you dear girl for sharing your Heart with us... You are much like your mum... When i close my eyes at night and think upon our dear Renee, i see nothing but ~Angels~ so many beautiful Angels are lighting her way... She will stay in our Hearts for Always, no matter what, for she lights the way for us all and we see her shining Spirit all the way from across the oceans... That is one Beautiful amazing woman and one we will Always Remember, Keep in our Hearts and Love, Much LOVE to you All xox

Tammie Lee said...

my heart breaks as I read this! I feel so sad. I wish and pray that all the pain goes away. How sad and hard this must be for Renee and your family. Sending love~

Chrisy said...

I am so sad, so very sad. I know my pain is nothing to compared to yours and your family's dear Angelique. And I know you will take care of each other.

My darling Renee. I cannot express the love that I have for you dear friend; we've been through much together. Always, always, you have never let me down. You are precious to me. When the sun goes down, let's do as we've done before, and fly over the world together. No pain. Only joy.

Maggie May said...

I am a stranger to you, but as a daughter, as a mother, as a human being, I send my love, and my prayers.


Snowbrush said...

I am very sorry for the sad news. She will be missed by many of us; she touched her Internet friends as few are able.

sinnlighet said...


I love your mother in a very special way. We became great friends in a short time, and her comments on my blog always made my day.

I will light candles for her today in my church in Sweden and I'm so deeply sorry, my tears flowing! Your mom is an incredibly amazing woman!

All love to you and your family. I know that the angels will take care of my dear Reena.

Agneta from Sweden

sweetmango said...

Dear Little Lover
There has never been a day since I met you that I haven't carried you in my head and heart. I told you every day out loud or in writing how I felt about you as you did to me. I have loved you forever and that will not change. Your love, friendship and constant support have meant the world to me. The print from you and the card you sent are and will continue to be treasured memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life. My candle is lit, I will listen for you coming home just like I did with Sheldon.
Wahid, Angelique, Don, Domenic, Josephine, Nathan, Nadalene and Charlton thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing us to share Renee with you, she is an uncommon beauty, a balm for the soul. Sending you all endless streams of love as you go through this part of the journey.
I adore you Renee, always have always will, safe journey my love.

PurestGreen said...

Oh, lovely Renee...

Anonymous said...

Angelique, I cannot begin to express how truly sorry I am for you and your family and especially renee to be going through this. My prayers have been with your family constantly and I know your family is so strong and supportive of one another and there is just so much love within your family that it could burst. I don;t know what to say except my prayers are with you all. love to all of you, marcie

Noreen said...

Angelique, thank you so much for making the time to fill us (all those who love and care for your mom deeply) on what is going on with your mother.

My heart hurts for you and your family as you have all been through so much in the recent months. While I am sitting here knowing that yet another one of our "special" group members is about to leave us, I'm sure it pales compared to experiencing what you are going through at this time.

I continue to hold your mother, you and your family in my prayers.

kendalee said...

Angelique, testament to what a remarkable person she is, is how deeply your mom has touched so many lives even at a distance or on brief acquaintance. She reached across time and space and touched my heart too and I am so grateful for that and so saddened by this. Words are so entirely inadequate to express it for me but I add my love and thoughts to all those here for you and your family, for Renee...

Lydia said...

Dear Angelique,
kj suggested that I come here to read Renee's posts, as I was lamenting not knowing this marvelous woman that so many of my blogging friends are swooning over in one huge billowing prayer of love and sorrow. So I have read many and now, I too, feel devastated about her illness - and having read your kind reports I feel devastated over the losses you are enduring this year and at your young age.
When my mother died of lung cancer in 2000 I was 49...but I wanted 40 more years with her. All in all, I will have them because I sense her in countless moments when my heart is open, and even some moments when my heart is closed - and those are the most powerful of all.

Blessings to you and your family, and my prayers are coming from Oregon.

Julie said...

Hi Angelique, thank you from the bottom of my heart for updating all of us on your mom's condition. My heart is breaking for you, for Josephine, and most of all for my friend, but I know Renee is surrounded and doted upon by her amazing family.

Please tell her I miss her and I love her! And Fuck Cancer!

miruspeg said...

Thank you from the bottom of my heart Angelique for writing an update on your beloved mother.
Renee, I am a better person for knowing you.
You are the brightest star in the blogosphere and will be missed and talked about for decades to come.
You will be an amazing angel when your time comes.
In the meantime bless you and keep you safe from pain and suffering.
Big big hugs
Peggy xxxxx

Sarah said...

Dear Angelique,
I love Renee and I miss her and I am so sad to read your words this morning. I have been thinking about her and praying for her and for all of your lovely family. I am so sorry for you.
I send my love to Renee xx

Mim said...

Angelique - as you know, we are all heartbroken for Renee...and for you and all of your family. I can't imagine the blogs without Renee's lovely comments and can just begin to imagine how you are feeling facing losing her.
Please give her our love, I hope she can feel it - and to you too. You are a gem, such a wonderful loved daughter.

kathy hare said...

Angelique, I have no words... my thoughts are with you and your family..
Love you Renee..

one little acorn said...

My heart is breaking Angelique. For you, for your beautiful family and especially for Renee. None of this is fair. If words and wishes could save people, this pain would be long gone.
So many tears. So much love.

Arija said...

Angelique, thank you again for the update, even if if is depressing.
Our strength lies in the strength of a loving and cohesive family. Mothers are the very cement that hold families together. There is no love like a mother's, and you have a very special one.
My heart overflows with love for you all, epsecially my wonderfully courageous Renee.

Dearest Renee, I wish you as easy a journey as possible. My love accmpanies you all the way as well as what little healing power I have to ease your way.
I am devastated by the thought of losing you so early in our blossoming friendship but will always treasure it.

Blessings, love and light, Arija.

Jos said...

Hello again Angelique, thank you for still writing here so that we have an inkling of how it's going with you all. Life is not fair and however lucky you have been to have the wonderful mother that Renee undoubtedly is, it's too soon for her to leave you. And she doesn't want to, she wants to stay with you, with Josephine, with all of you. It breaks her heart ... the prospect of leaving you. But when she does leave she goes to a place of no pain, no regrets. A place of everlasting joy. She'll fit right in you know, there with Daisy and Sheldon, your Granpa too. It doesn't take away the pain of parting for you though. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. xx Jos

Micki said...

Thank you for opening up to us all and posting this, you sound so much like you have Renee's heart and spirit inside you.

My love goes out to all of your family that are suffering, seeing Renee in so much pain and of course my love as always is with Renee too.

Micki x

yoborobo said...

Angelique, my heart breaks for you, for Josephine, your family and for all of us who love your dear Mom as we do. She has been a light in my life, and in my heart. She has been a true and loving friend to me, and I hate to let her go. Please tell Jacquie I love her, and kiss your darling mom for me. I do love her so. Thank you for letting us know, sweet girl. I know you are really going through it. This is all so hard, and unfair. Much love to you. You are all in my hearts and prayers. love Pam

Debbie said...

Thank you for the update. I'm so sad to hear about Renee having so much pain and about all that you and the family are going through.. I will keep her in my prayers and the family too!

Jenny S said...

Angelique, I almost lost my mom this week, so I know what you are feeling. Please know I am thinking of you and Renee. Give her a hug for us all!

studio lolo said...

Dear Angelique,

We all knew this day was coming, but so many times I'd forget that Renee had cancer because she was such a champion and healer for everyone else. She took all attention away from herself to help others with her loving heart and wisdom.
When she first showed up on my blog signing "love, Renee" I had no idea who she was. I started going to her blog and within 24 hours we were connected, instantly, forever.
I don't love people that easily, but Renee, your beautiful mother, is so easy to love.
The blogsphere has a huge hole in it without her "love, Renee" plastered all over on a daily basis. But her love is so large and all encompassing, I know she still embraces each and every one of us.
I hope she knows and feels how much she is loved by her blog 'family.' She's my Raven Sister extraordinaire, and every time I paint a raven or even see one, I'll think of her.

Your family has endured so much. I know your mom has hung on as long as she could for unselfish reasons.

She loves you all so much Angelique, and I have a feeling you will grow up to be just like her. You already show so many of her qualities.

Renee is the definition of grace and courage and I will forever hold her in my heart.
I know that I'm a richer person for having had her in my life for this short time.

As sad as this news is, I thank you so much for keeping us up to date. I imagine the words were hard for you to write.

Love and blessings to every one of you. Take on the family mantra of "Together Strong." I believe you are indeed.

And to Renee, peaceful journey my dear friend. I love you deeply and I already miss you.

much love,
Laurel (Lolo)

soulbrush said...

I am thousands of miles away yet feel as though Renee is here beside me. My message in my flowers is 'keep on keeping on', now my message is 'rest dear Renee, you deserve it... and know I am sitting here beside you holding your hand'.Dear dear Angelique, and dear dear Josephine and dear dear Renee.

Manon Doyle said...


As iI sit here and read your words I cry. I met your mom through blogging and quickly grew to love her. My heart goes out to you and your family. All I know to do is pray. Please know that I think of her and your family all the time.
I love you, Renee!

Great-Granny Grandma said...

You write as beautifully as your mom.

Truly you are surrounded by an amazingly wonderful family, and have been blessed with an awesome, awesome mom.

My heart is breaking for all of you, and I pray for relief from the pain your mom is suffering. I don't know what else to say, other than I wish I could wave it all away and our sweet Renee would rise up out of her sick bed and stick around for at least another 54 years.

My thoughts and prayers are with all of you--especially your mom and Jacquie.

Cynthia said...

my thoughts and prayers are with you...

sukipoet said...

Angelique, and what a lovely name. I am so sorry about your mom. I send prayers and love and light to her and to you and Josephine. It is kind of you to step in and post during what must be such a hard time for you. Thank you. Blessings, Suki

Marion said...


Thank you for writing again, even if the update is not good news.

I don't know your Mom well. We exchanged comments only a few times before your Mom got really sick. But she quickly found a place in my heart, as she did with all.

I pray for the very best care in the World for your Mom and I pray for you and your family and especially the little ones. Dear Renee...I wish I could take it all away. All the pain and heartache.

Your Mom is loved by so very many, and will be remembered forever.

Artistic Accents by Darla said...

Oh, Angelique, my heart is breaking, it truly is.
I just met your mom (online) this past year but she's had an incredible impact on my life as well as many, many others.
We talked about meeting in Grand Forks for coffee and I'm sad that it doesn't appear to be in our future. I wish I could take away all the pain!

Please tell her she has my love and my prayers, as do you!
I lost my mother when I was 22 and she also had only been given the title 'Grandma' for 2 short years. She was 44. I know the pain you're going through and if I can help in any way, please let me know.
I'm so glad you updated us♥
Love, Darla

LuLu Kellogg said...

Thank you so much for keeping us posted. Sending you and your family much love and many prayers.


secret agent woman said...

Thank you again, Angelique, for posting another update. I think of your mother all the time and just hate what all of you are going through. As always, sending my love to Renee and to your family.

Angela Recada said...

Darling Angelique, you are your mother's daughter, through and through. Strong, eloquent, wise and loving.

Thank you so much for taking the time to update us all. I know you must be overwhelmed. This is just such terribly, terribly sad news.

There is no one else like your dear mother. I will forever treasure every word she ever wrote to me. Please give her my love.

I pray for her comfort. And I pray for all of your family. May you find strength and peace.

You are all in my heart.

Silke said...

Dear Angelique, My heart is breaking for all of you and words fail me! I haven't known your mom for very long, but have grown to love her and you all very deeply! I so admire the strength, the love, the grace, the tenacity, and your embracing spirit you all display as you experience so many losses and so much suffering!

If you can, tell your mom that I love her and send her a cloud of butterflies (she'll know what I mean...).

Angelique, all my love to you and your sweet family!! Silke

Ces said...

That smile, that precious smile has touched so may lives. How many people around the world wake up and think of Renee just even for a moment in their day?

Renee has come to exemplify one of the reasons why those who blog are misunderstood by those who don't. For the argument by those who do not blog is that blog relationships are not real. They are all in our heads. We cannot touch each other, hold each other, we cannot see the gestures, there is no real temperature to feel. And yet we are here gathered at Renee's blog every day for the past several months of our lives, many women and men, writing about how they "feel" for Renee and Renee writing back how she loves all of us. I often wonder how many people she loves, she must indeed have a huge heart.

When Bella was away for awhile, I pined and longed for her return. I was an emotional wreck for I felt the pain of her loss. I recalled the many times Bella, Renee and I played late into the night all three of us Bella in Japan, Renee in Canada and I in the US. We played together, teased each other, pushed each others' buttons. I missed that and Renee was the only one who truly understood.

Renee said "Don't worry Ces, we will play once again."

My dearest, beloved Renee, I will look forward to that day when we will all three play once again.

I don't know what those who don't blog say about blog relationships being all in one's head. If it is so then why is my heart so heavy?

I love you Renee.

nineteen said...

I don't even know what to say.
I love your mom and just met her.
How heartbreaking.
I am away, but have been checking for an update and this is so sad.
Renee is so loved. So beautiful

deb @ talk at the table

Jenn@ You know... that blog? said...

There are no words...

I'm in tears after reading your post - my heart is breaking for you.

Cherish what you have, and the memories thereafter.

Joey said...

No words describe your mom better than the words you write. I will miss Renee so much. Before she had her kids she was my cheerleader, as her little brother she would take me to my hockey games and shout GO JOEY GO (I was so embarassed) but truly loved and appreciated her being there. Thank you Renee I love you God Bless

Lilacrobin said...

Dear Angelique,
I happened on KJ's blog this morning....and immediately sped to Renee's.... these are not the words I hoped you would be writimg for your next update. I lost my Mum this way - and I feel the pain and shock you and your family are now experiencing. Renee, though a tiny woman, has an ENORMOUS heart, spirit and soul....and I know that since you have read her blog and "discovered" all of "us" know how she shared her life - joys and pain - with us.

She is greatly loved by the world - she has enriched so many lives. You, your family, Josephine have a part of Renee that shines and glows within you.... and us too.
Thank you for updating us.

Renee, lovely Renee..... you are missed so much.... you are loved even more. God is so proud of one if his most powerful Angels - and he will welcome you with open arms.

Life everlasting.

Love to you, Wahid, Angelique and all of your family.

Robin (from San Francisco)

ALeks said...

Oh dear,thank you for the time and effort to keep us informed,I really hate that Renee is in such a great pain,as you are sweetheart. I hope and pray that you will have more time given to spend it together,take care of your self and know that you are not alone.Love,light and peace,for you all and specially for dear Renee,

Marie S said...

Oh my darling Renee, I love you. I don't want you to suffer, but I am going to miss you so much.
Please take care my love.
I am still praying for miracles.
Thank you Angelique, I am praying for all of you.
Let us celebrate this wondrful woman's life with joy and stories of how she impacted our lives and changed them to love!
Together strong!

aimee said...

this is heartbreaking news, angelique. i am so sorry that you have to suffer like this. you are a generous dear to continue posting and bringing us up to date. we are all crazy about your mama. i wish you all a load of sunshine, hope and strength, and of course, a big dose of love to your mother.

Wine and Words said...

Renee, even with all the an outsider I see you as also blessed. This loving family you have, that true mommy love. I wish I could make it better. I hate that your mom suffers and hate that you fall helpless to it. It really must be so hard. Well...I just don't know what to say, so a ((hug)) will have to do.

Love, Annie

Annie said...

Thank you sweetheart for the update. Your mom is close to my heart and these days a moment does not go by I don't send up a prayer.
She is lucky to have so much loving family and friends and all of us in the blogging world, I was hoping that love would heal her, but there are things we cannot know the reason for. I have this feeling that even though we are going to miss your mom so much that perhaps she is needed elsewhere. Death is not real, we won't see your mom anymore, but she will be with all of us, forever and she will live forever.
I am sending hugs and love. In this moment the love hurts so much.
I wish I was there and could help or do more, but love is all I have to offer.

Marion said...

I am so, so sorry, Angelique. I love your Mom so much. She has changed my life in the short time I've known her. I know you have inherited her strong warrior spirit, her giving & loving heart, and her strength. I know that she is very proud of you. Be well and know that God will comfort you and hold you up. Love and Blessings...

Psalm 23

1 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.


Laura Hegfield said...

Angelique, I am so sorry to hear this latest news of your Mothers deteriorating physical health. It sounds like her spirit is vibrant despite the physical pain and emotional pain of leaving all of you who love her so dearly and who she loves back so fiercely. You are right, it isn't fair, not at all. And clearly you all see/feel/know the blessings of your time together here on earth.

I will continue to pray for Renee, for ease in her pain, for peace and love on this, the ending part of her journey here as an embodied being. She will continue to travel with you and all of her loved ones always though through memories.

May these last days, weeks, months whatever God grants be a continuous flow of love...that's all any of us ultimately needs.

Diana Evans said...

Oh heart is sinking for your Mom and you and your family....I will be praying for you all and hoping that your Mom finds the strength she needs to get through this...she has touched all of our hearts in a way that cannot be described.....

Please give your Mom a hug from me...and tell her she is in our thoughts and prayers...


Sue said...

Angels come to us in many forms. Renee is one such angel. She came to so many of us through her blog and has become such a tangible part of our lives.

I hold Renee in my heart, I cry for her pain and I pray that serene warm peace will soon be hers. She is and will continue to be a huge inspiration to me. Not many people make such a large impression on so many - Renee is one of the few.

Angelique, you seem so much like your mom, I know how proud she is of you. Thank you so much for taking time to post this update for us.

With love,


Debra Kay said...

Peace and comfort to you all. Freedom from pain. I am sending out all the white light I possess to add to that of so many others-warmth and comfort to your entire family.

Love never ends.

Francesca said...

I come from Elizabeth's blog, and I'm sending you and your mom hugs.

jacquie said...

thank you deborah for your post today ..... it has lifed my spirits today. love jacquie

renee's header is to represent that we both have each other's in the one pic with sheldon in the background angelique .....that just gave me such comfort knowing that it is showing how he has your mom's back as well and i know that when the time comes he will cradle her in his arms and bring her to where she can replenish her strength..
with her mom and dad.
she will go too soon and will take good care of sheldon for me and i will do all i can to stay and take care of you,nad,nathan and your me anytime day or night. you all have my heart..
love aj

Sarah said...

Angelique, gentle hugs to you and your family..very gentle hugs to Renee..I love her so.
Thank you for filling us in and taking the time to let us know what is going on. We all have such deep love for your Mama. She has been my mentor and dear friend for the last year. I am hoping the pain has been managed and she is at least comfortable here at the end.
I have been doing Reiki on her on and off for the last year and knew this was coming..but as you said..hoped that all the love she has been getting would wash away the cancer. I hope it still.
I was about your age and my oldest child was about 5 when I lost my mother to cancer. I understand, I do.
Please pass along my love to your Mama..I love her so.
Hugs and blessings, Sarah

Anairam said...

I haven't ever met your mom, in real life I mean, but through her blog I got an inkling of how she must be in real life. True, gutsy, honest, loving, strong. I so appreciated that she took the time to visit and leave comments on my blog - though I was a fairly new friend on her blog. Taking the time to make other people feel good when she herself had so much to deal with. I would so love her to get better so that you and her grandkids can still have her around for many years to come. But I guess she will know best when she needs to leave. Please give her my very, very best wishes, and my love. She has touched my life and continues to do so. x Anairam

Gloria said...

Good morning Renee. I prayed for you this morning, as soon as I woke. You are here with us, always.

Barbara said...

Dear Angelique,
Thank you so much for the beautiful tribute/update about your mom. I'm so, so sorry to hear this. Beyond words. I haven't known your mom long, but like everyone else here, fell in love with her so easily. She is one of the most supportive, sweetest people I've ever met and you were, indeed, lucky to have her on your side growing up. She is so proud of you. Big hugs to you as you navigate these uncharted waters together.

Renee-- dear, Renee, I will pray for you, for gentleness to find your pain and for you to know how much we all love you. You have made a difference in my life, my dear. xoxxoxoxoxo Love, Barbara

~Babs said...

Thank you, Angelique.

Your Mother's work here is finished, and Our Father calls her home. I'm betting that her spirit is excited,,,as she awaits knowing Him in His fullest glory.
I pray that His perfect love surrounds you and your family and brings you peace.
I am honored to have known her.
Her light will live on,,,,,without pain,,,and free.
How special your Mother and her journey has been,,to have touched the lives of so many, with such impact. Candles are burning everywhere for Renee. Though we will miss her, we rejoice in the knowledge that through her, we have seen a bit of Him.
Thank you, and God bless you, Angelique.

Karin Bartimole said...

Dear Angelique, Though I knew in my heart I'd be reading these words soon, my heart aches no less. I have few words to say that haven't been said. Your mom has been such a gift to us all, and I 'hear' her voice in yours here. I send love and gratitude, for all the humor, joy, frustration, sorrow, love, and healing I have shared with Renee. I love you my friend,always and forever, Karin

Bella Sinclair said...

Oh, dear God. Oh, Angelique.... I cannot find the words right now, please forgive me. Dearest Renee, I love you so much.

BeaderBubbe said...

My heart goes out to you and your family. It is the one thing (cancer) that affects family, friends and knows no boundaries. Everyone knows someone who has had it - my family included. But I found that with family surrounding you and your mom it cushions the hurt that all of you must feel. Your mom's legacy will live on in the hearts and souls of you and your children. May you be comforted in your time of prayers are with you.

Anonymous said...

Dear Angelique,

I'm so sad and in tears right now. My heart is just breaking for you, your family, and everyone who knows and loves your mom.
She has such an effect on people, that really is unexplainable.
I can't wrap my head around what you and your family have been through. I so admire the strength and love you all share.
I send you love and prayers and positive energy your way.
Love to all of you...


zoe said...

angelique, thank you so much for writing again. i am so sorry that you are going through this, so sorry that renee is going through this. we are all holding you both (and little josephine too!) in our hearts. you are beautiful people, and much loved!

clairedulalune said...

Angelique, thank you for your update. Your mother named you beautifully.This is breaking my heart to read your words. How I wish i could do something. Renee, we love you.XOXO

karen gerstenberger said...

Thank you for posting this. I am so sorry that this wretched disease is doing this to dear Renee's precious body. Cancer sucks.

I hope you will continue to post as you are able, as we LOVE your MOM so much, and through her, we love your entire family. I pray with her, and with your family: pain relief, peace, love and mercy, dear God, I pray for Renee and her family.

Your mom is a true light in this world. Knowing her encourages me and brings great happiness...and that is from a distance, and through the computer! Having her as your mother and your children's grandmother is an even greater blessing. Her hundreds of friends and admirers will rally to support you - just post what you want or need here, and I know it will be done. Sent with much love & many hugs and kisses to her and to you.

Eleonora said...

I woke up in the middle night (the day you posted this) thinking about Renee. She hasn't been blogging in a while, I thought, and nothing's ever stopped her from blogging-not even the bats. A premonition, since I had somehow missed Angelique's first update last week.

I wept, fearing Renee wasn't well. Or worse.

I came here today, and it took me a while to, because I was afraid of reading what I eventually did read. That my friend Renee, the strongest, most obstinate, unluckiest and most adorable woman I know is prematurely nearing the end.

Angelique, thank you. Thank you for allowing us in your painful life right now. We have loved Renee very very much, despite never having met.

Some time back she sent me a book. "Mayfly Day" a tale of enjoying the brevity and beauty of life. Renee's foreword to me reads, "Dear Lola, you are magic Lola. You have more passion than anyone I have had the pleasure to know. You travel my dreams with me Lola.
Love Renee xoxo"

Now are those not the words of a poet?
You travel my prayers Renee, and I love you. I'll be praying for you tonight, and reading the Mayfly Day over and over.


Sonia ;) said...

Your Mom has made such an impact in me at a time that I was lost. I had lost my Dad tragically to lung cancer. She showed me how to spread my wings and fly again. I know its hard to lose a parent in a time of life that you need them the most. Renee made me smile, toughened me up, kicked my butt, and just became the angel I needed to help me live again.

I would be selfish to say I want to keep her forever to get through more tough times that may come in the future. But I can not do that because your Mom taught me enjoy what is, was, and isnt any longer.

Your babies will know your Mom, through you. Because you are your Mom with strength, knowledge, compassion, and love. They will learn from you and will carry on her love. Josephine will see her through your eyes. Your Mom will never be far away from any of you, because you are a piece of her.

Take care of your father, he has the most to lose. He is your Mom's best friend, confidant, lover, buddy, pal, her boxing buddy when trivial tiffs were made. He has held her hand through raising three wonderful children, and the birth of two grand children. They have shared a ride of a lifetime that no one but them could ever fully understand or know.

Wahid I commend a you as a husband, friend, and father with the walk which was love, marriage, friendship, sadness, up and down. She loves you immensely, and unconditionally.

Know that one person with such a large heart, strength and love is rare to find. Yall were part of that love.

Renee I love you Lovey.

lakeviewer said...

Angelique, tell your mom we love her and she has touched us all.

*jean* said...

i'm so glad you were able to share this with us all...i knew your mom through an invisible thread of kindness and honesty, beauty and bravery...we blog friends will keep you and your sweet family in the light of our hearts, indeed, it has been an honor to know your mom.

Woman in a Window said...

I am full. Always full when I come here. Full of sadness. But full of the beauty you each hold. It swells inside of you all. And I'm pissed off too. Sorry. Renee will be glad for that candor though, won't she be? I am right pissed off. I love her very much.

Love to all of you~

Diva Kreszl said...

Dear Angelique, thank you for continuing this blog, as I am certain it is difficult for you to write during this time. We as your Mom's friends and readers are so grateful. Although we are separated by miles of cyber space we have come to love your Mom and her amazing spirit. She has touched my life in ways I cannot express fully, her wisdom, sense of humor and brutal honesty are something I shall always cherish. To someone watching from the outside my heart is breaking, I cannot imagine what you are feeling dear one. I pray that God gives you and your family the strength needed to get through this terrible time and I hope that it brings you some comfort to know that your mother's incredible spirit has touched so many of us.

linda cardina said...


thank u for writing again. u are so special just like your mom. u are going thru so much and still take the time to keep us informed.

i am so sad. your mom is so beautiful. she has been so loving and very supportive to me and all. we share alot in common. she would tell me how you kids look so much like my kids when u were little. she and i also have many siblings. breast cancer is prevelent in my family too. as of yesterday i have 3 sisters now diagnosed with breast cancer. :(((...angelique i wish we could all be there for u all.

i hope your mom knows how sorely we are missing her. i also hope the doctors are taking great care at keeping her comfortable. i'm glad she is getting what she loves most and that is for her loving family to be by her side. i love her so much.

thanks again,

@eloh said...

God be with you. Please give Renee our love. I will miss her terribly, how much greater the pain for her beloved family.

mxtodis123 said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Be strong.

Margaret Ann said...

...And yet another candle is lit here in the desert of light the way with hope for all of your family.

Oops! Desperate Blogger~ said...

Your mother has touched so many. Some like me, who stumbled upon her blog and fell in love with her. May God comfort you and help you follow the path of courage that your dear mother prepared for you. Sending love. You already have much strength.

kj said...

darling angelique, i hope i will be able to adequately express all my love and sadness, but not yet.

for now i just want to say thank you for including all of us in your family's grief and letting go. it means so much.

angelique, today, tomorrow, next year, your Mother will never ever be far. she will stay very close to josephine and dominic. she beamed when she told me what a great grandmother she is, how important it is to her to not be a footnote when they think of her. i know she will walk beside them forever. she is, afterall, a Senior Angel.

may you see God and all the angels welcoming your Mother home.

your Mother and our Renee is dearly missed and will be forever loved.

you write like her, angelique. she knew you would take care of her friends here. she knew it.

i hope there is comfort today. please know you and your Mom and your entire family are surrounded in love from all over the world.

love always,

wykdwytch said...

Sending prayers for you and your mum - may the wings of angels embrase you and their lilting voices whisper into her ears to calm her and reassure her that she goes back to the source of all things!

Sophia said...

Angelique, My heart aches to see all that you and your family has been through and what you are STILL going through. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.

Dearest Renee, I love you! I LOVE YOU! I am holding you up from afar with every ounce of love and support I can muster. BIG HUGS! xo

Baino said...

Angelique there is so much of your mum in you that she will live on regardless. You're very brave to keep us in the loop and for that I am very thankful. I hope she is not in pain and resting comfortably. Our heards fly out to you and your family. No words can express the feelings we have for such a wonderful woman. Hold her close while you can.

Lisa said...

thank you so much for the update-dear sweet renee, how loved she is
Lisa xx

A Gift Wrapped Life said...

It just hasn't been the same without your Mom here but what a lovely voice you have as well Angelique an how brave and wonderful that you are speaking for her. My heart breaks at what your Mom is dealing with and has been for some time.......I just don't understand this at all. Your family is remarkable and that has been her greatest comfort and gift. I hope she feels the immense support and love coming her way. Much love Renee - XO

Anonymous said...

My sweet Angelique, as I am reading this I am crying and wishing there was something I could do to help you Nadalene and Nathan,and your wonderful father,please feel free to call me anytime you need someone to listen to you and help in anyway I can.


Please dear God do not let Lover suffer anymore and find a CURE NOW!!!

My heart breaks for all of you, love you all .

Holly said...

i feel so very sad...i thought that i would get a chance to meet Renee in person....i guess now i'll have to wait til we see each other in heaven...

p.s. - i hate breast, wait...i hate ALL cancer.

love from Holly

Linda said...

Dear, dear Angelique. You are so generous to keep us all informed. We feel we know each of you and I hope you can feel the love pouring across all the borders of the world to your mom and her precious family.

Renee, my beautiful friend, I think about you every day with all the love in my heart. It is only for a tiny little while that all of us will not share this same reality. You are the pathfinder. You are golden stardust.

I love you.

A Spoonful Of Sugar said...

So sorry to hear the latest news about your beautiful Mum. She really is the most amazing person - her courage, sense of humour, her love for her family, and her ability to find joy in everything - is truly an inspiration to us all. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Lisa x

Julie said...

Angelique I am so so sorry and so terribly saddened reading this. What you are all going through is unimaginable. We love you all and will never stop praying for your family. xxxxxxxx

Kolleen said...

you are so loved....such a special special soul that has touched so many lives.

A life like mine...even though we have never met!
You have inspired me and uplifted me and been an example of what family and perseverance are all about. You are an angel among us and that is why SO many are drawn to you.

Sweet heart is with you. "She is my first home"...what a lovely example of the love shared between a mom and her daughter.

my arms are reaching out and reaching up...i am praying.


Natalie said...

Sending peace to you all. You are a beautiful daughter to do this for your Mom. Blessings.x

Something Happened Somewhere Turning said...

I ask the Lord to post his angels around Renee and provide as much comfort as possible.
This disease is really awful. I lost both of my parents to cancer. I am always so sad when I hear someone else has to battle this.
I hope you are all holding up as well as can be expected, you are in my prayers.

Draffin Bears said...

Dear Angelique,

Thank you for letting us know about your dear Mum.
Renee has touched all our hearts so much with her love and I am so sorry to hear this news.
I sent your Mum a little dough lamb, as a gift and she was so thoughtful and gave it to Josephine, to hang on her wall.
You are a beautiful family and just wish you much love and comfort in the coming days.

Sending love & hugs

vintage moon studio said...

My heart is breaking for all of you... sending prayers of comfort and peace on angel's wings. xox Deb

Daria said...

I'm so sorry ... I wish there was more I could say. Renee is an amazing woman. It's just not right.

Poetic Artist said...

Angelique, thank you for this post.
You are blessed to have family surround you. My heart goes out to you.
Dear sweet Renee my prayers of love and peace go out to you and your wonderful family.

rochambeau said...

Dearest Angelique, Renee and Josephine,
Your hearts are strong. I'm so happy you have had each other. You know what love is. And at the end of this life is the greatest love.
Peace and comfort are my prayers for each of you and your family.
I love you all!

rochambeau said...

Please tell your Mom how much I love her!
Love to you dear Angelique,

Cyndy said...

I will send peace to you all. Love and grace you have in abundance. xoxoxo

She Writes said...

Thank you for the update. I am so sorry and words can't say enough.

Renee you are loved. It is a gift that can never be taken and it is yours for the holding. Much love, dear you.

xxAmy of She Writes

Flor Larios Art said...

Give her a big hug and a kiss from me, Flor.
Thank you Angelique.
ps (tell her also I said thank you for believing in me)

Kate said...


Thanks for keeping us all updated on your mom. What a sweet soul she is and you are blessed to have her, you are both in my heart.

Vicki Holdwick said...

Angelique, I haven't known your Mom for long, but I loved her and reading her blog. She is a beautiful person and I wish I could have met her in person.

I have been sending bat killing energy to her for months now and am so sorry it hasn't worked.

Don't forget to tell her that she is greatly loved not only by those who know her in person, but by all of us who are her cyber-family.


Donna, The Decorated House said...

Dear Renee & Angelique~

I am a heart touched by Renee, too.

Oh how I love reading these beautiful messages from your friends. It makes me so quiet inside. All I can do is send you Love & Light.
Many Hugs, Donna

Linda Sue said...

Me again, Since I will never get to spend the night with Renee in the beach house this time round- catch you on the flip side-okay? My love goes where you go- always- forever. I left a few pics on my blog for my Renee on Friday if you want to pop over. Been busy crying, actually and saying Fuck a lot! LOVEyou all.

Lizzy Frizzfrock said...

Angelique, thank you for writing. Such a lovely post and such pretty photos of Josephine & her Grandma.

My heart is saddened for Renee and all those who love her so dearly. She has been such a supporter of me & my writing. May the peace of the Lord be with Renee, her family & friends. May she rest peacefully & could I wash away the pain I would do so.

Love to you all.

Deborah said...

Hey Lovee. You have been in my heart and a prayer upon my lips all day. Remember what Silke told you and hold it to be true. You have done your Big Work so very well, my beloved friend, oh so very well. I wish for you, Beloved, pain-free Peace.

Soon your trials will be over
Offered up by mercy's hand
A better view from where you stand
Going to another land

The sweetest welcome from the Father
Gathered up and carried home
We are past this time of waiting
Come let us bow before Your throne

We will meet in the Golden City in the New Jerusalem
All our pain and all our tears will be no more
We will stand with the hosts of heaven
And cry holy is the Lamb
We will worship and adore You evermore

Never can the powers of darkness
Neither death nor even life
Let nothing ever separate us
From the holy love of God.

(from the song, sorry, can't remember the credits now)

Oh I WILL meet you, Renee, in our Glorified Splendor, in that Golden City. I only ask that you greet me when I come. I told you right from the start, when I was led to you, that I fell for you faster than anyone, ever. I fell for you and your entire family, hook, line, and sinker, just. like. that.

Look, see here, I hold in my hands my heart broken open for all to see. Take what you will, with you to heaven. Scatter it upon the skies, like little pieces of The Promise. You, Beloved, are The Keeper of The Promise.

I love you, Renee.


Gloria said...

I miss you so much already Renee. My heart hurts. Thank you Angelique.

Kathleen said...

Praying for you!

Lori ann said...

i am so so sad, i love your mom. i knew i was only one of many that she made feel so special, so loved with each and every comment.she did that everywhere she went.
i am so sad for your family, for you. it's not fair, and i don't understand.
i am so sad for renee, it's been the hardest thing to hear about the pain she's lived with, the fear she's felt. i hate this. i hate cancer.
but she's also showed us how to live and love with more grace than anyone i've ever known. your mom has always been an angel.
please angelique, give her my love.

and thank you for coming here and helping us with your words. love to you too.

Laurel said...

Awe-I am so sorry. I really wish you all love and peace and more time together,
Peace and a Hug from California-

Lisa Gatz said...

This post is so touching to me. Heartbreaking. I have had breast cancer and sometimes I start thinking about how long I will enjoy my grandsons. I'm only 47 but I, like your beautiful mother, am totally addicted to my grandsons. They are my light.

I'm sorry that you have to witness your mother's strength waning and I am glad that you are there with her, with your love and undying affection.

Bless you and your family. I am saying a prayer for you.

deepazartz said...

O this is so painful, for you and the family..Renee.Can't get enough words! I really hope the pain just vanishes. Praying for you,Renee and the lovely family.


Ribbon said...

hello again....

I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you all with love.

take care
xoxoxoxo Ribbon

Ribbon said...

Dear beautiful Renee… I can’t stop thinking about you. A lot of my thoughts revolve around the news that I will never see you again in the way that I grew accustomed to.
I grew to love you very quickly as you are totally loveable, smart witty wise and fun to be with at all times, even through suffering.
Thank you for all that you shared with me. I am extremely grateful that you made time for me in your life.
I sincerely hope that your journey out of this life is without pain.
Big love to you and your magnificent family.

NightSwimmer said...

Sending prayers to a family which seems to have such a beautiful spirit...

Sarah Lulu said...

Sending so much love to you and your family. xx

Isabel said...

My thoughts and prayers are with your family and our darling Renee. Your mother is a wonderful woman with a soul of gold. I'll hold you all in my heart.

Vanessa Brantley Newton said...

I sit here with tears and a broken heart over the great lost in your family. Your Mom and I have been commenting on each others blogs for over a year. What a gift!!! I knew something was up when I didn't see her comments anymore. Renee was so very open about her journey. I have worked with cancer patients for most of my adult life. Both children and adults. I know that you might feel like you got robbed in her death, but I know that she believed in God and her faith. I must believe that she is with God now and finally at peace. This is so very painful for you all no doubt. Please know that there are soooooo many of us who are praying for you and loving on you all right now. I pray that God will pour in oil an wine into this deep, deep wound and bring you good thoughts and memories. I send you many prayers and hugs.
Vanessa Brantley-Newton

sweetmango said...

Till the sun grows cold and the stars grow old.... I have loved you from the minute we met, I have told you silently or with messages everyday and you have told me. Never in this life has there been a love like this one I have for you. I dont question it. It just is. Travel safely little lover and I will see you later on.
Please hug Sheldon for me, I think of him all the time. I will listen for you arriving home, just like I did with Sheldon.
I love you Renee.
You did so good, with everything.
Thank you

Tammy said...

Dear Angelique,
Thank You for the update, so sorry it is not good news.
I have been afraid to stop by to see the update for the fear of hearing our dearest Renee is not well.
Your Mom has been such an amazing person to so many.
I had a scare with breast cancer a few months back, and your mom showed me such support for someone I have never meant.
Renee couched me through what to look for and gave me love and her kind words.
I so wish I also could wave away her pain.
Your family is truly amazing, and I can not tell you how I wish you all had another live time with your mom.
Tears have found there way to my heart as I write this..
Know we are all sending you, Renee and your family all of our Love and Prayers..
May God Bless you all!!
Love and Many Hugs..
Please, kiss your moms forehead and tell her we all love her, and that she has touched and supported so many, she will never be forgotten..She has made her cancer count to help educate others.
She is truly an amazing lady..

Julie-ann Bowden said...

So sorry to here Renee is still in pain and suffering.
Angel Angelique thank you so much, for letting us know how Renee is.
Renee is such a beautiful person and it is totally unfair that she is suffering so much.
It isn't fair for so many of your family to leave you and what is together.
I ache, but not as much as you and your beautiful family.

Beautiful, all of you!
I wish I could be of more help right now, but it is my place to send my love to you all and just know that you and Renee are in my thoughts and heart everyday.



PurestGreen said...

I come to this blog everyday, wondering how she is, wondering how you are, Angelique, and wishing you all love and warmth. Thank you for keeping Renee's little cyber clan updated. I know it must be so hard for you but please know how much we appreciate it.

mikit said...

Oh Angelique, my thoughts are with you and your family..

Love you Renee.. always..

Gill - That British Woman said...

I am so sorry this is happening, I will say a prayer for you and your family today when I am in church.

Gill in Canada

Anonymous said...

Renee's silence these past days speaks volumes. Love you for sharing with us, brave Angelique,
not the news any of us wanted to hear. I feel the loss already.
Bravely onward.

suziart said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you Angelique, and your family. Renee is a truly special woman who has touched so many lives...I wish I could have met her in person. What an inspiration to many. She has endured the unimaginable and I wish her love and peace. She has given us such a lovely gift of herself with her blog, what a legacy and tribute to the wonderful woman that she is.
May the angels hold you tight and give you peace, our dear Renee.

Kelly said...

My heart is breaking for you and your family. I know, all too well, this pain you are feeling and this sense of wanting a recount for a life that will be much too short. My own mother passed away last April...also cancer. I will hold you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Your mother is well and truly loved... and has touched so many with her words and life.
That is an amazing acchievment and says so much about who she is.
All love and confort to you and your family...

Sandy said...


Thank you for keeping us informed. I'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through. I only had the honour of meeting Renee once and she's touched my heart completely in the year that I've known her. Please kiss her gently on the cheek for me and maybe dab her forehead with a little bit of the water that she received in the gift baskets and let her know that I am thinking of her and wishing her peace.

I have no other words that are different than those already spoken by others. Wishing strength for everyone.


Dede said...

Angelique thank you for allowing us into your life. The post is beautiful. I am so sorry that you and your family continue to go through so much pain.

Renee I love you, you are my hero....
Together strong.


Ces said...

I love you Renee.

Country Wings in Phoenix said...

Angelique Sweetie...
Sending peace to you all. You are a beautiful daughter to do this for your Mom.

In October I did the same thing for my sister as she walked through the sadness of losing her daughter to cancer. My niece was only 33, and cancer knows no boundaries. I hate it. I know how hard it is to write for someone you love.

Your Mom is strong and she is fighting this to the end, she will not give up as she has the spirit and strength of a lion. I will continue to hold you all up in prayer, as I know this is such a very hard time for you. I thank you for keeping us posted on this beautiful woman who has blessed each of our lives in such a special way, and always made each feel as though you were her best friend. She helped each of us find the beauty that was hiding inside of us. I thank her for blessing my life. Country hugs sweetie and so many blessings, Sherry

Anonymous said...

Dear Angelique,I am so sorry to hear your mom is suffering so much. She is such a treasure and so loves her grandkids. You have an amazing family and support of so many friends. Love and hugs to you all and many prayers. Barb

Kelly Lish said...

Oh Angelique...
Thank you for keeping us all in the loop. I'm so sorry for your pain. I can't even imagine the heartbreak, as I know I can only feel a fraction of your pain. Your sweet Mom has touched so many of us. She has been one of Gods angels here on earth.

I hope you and your family feel all the love that is being sent your way and I hope it helps take away at least some of the pain. Please hug and kiss Renee for me and remind her how very loved she is.


Annika said...

Thank you Angelique for writing.
I am honored that Renee has visited my blog.
She is such a beautiful soul and even though I dont know her, my heart is breaking and I am so sad to hear that she is suffering. I wish I could send her a miracle. Thank you Renee for being in my life.....Love Annika

Angela Recada said...

Darling Angelique, I left a message yesterday morning, but it looks like it never made it to you.

Thank you so much for keeping us updated on your dear mother's struggle. You are a wonderful daughter to take the time to do this. You must be so overwhelmed.

My thoughts and prayers are with you all. I hope your dear mom is resting peacefully. She is always in my heart.

Love and hugs to you, dear girl,

Dawn said...

I have been away from blogland dealing with family issues here, but all the while I was thinking of my dear friend Renee and all the family, I "met"your mum a year ago and we connected straight away - I read her posts regularly and learnt about you, her mum, sister, sheldon, the whole caboodle of family and e mailed her privately too.
I hate to think of her in pain and the family too watching her suffer. I am glad to see a picture of her, her goodness shines out in the photos you have posted.
I am not to coherent as I am crying and crying to think of dearest Renee who has touched so many of us in pain, why oh why I ask myself does such a GOOD PERSON have to endure so much.

I feel a LOVE for your mum, she is amazing, if I could I would wrap my arms around her and each and everyone of your oh so wonderful family to show how amazing you all are.
Your mum showed me how to see the world in a new light..I shall pray for her everyday
take care sweet Angelique and Thank you for doing your mums blog xxxx Dawn

Carolee said...

My heart is breaking for all of you, and prayers of comfort and strength are ascending....

~ Carolee

A Palmer said...

Renee, you will always have your mother with you because her spirit is imbedded in you, helping to make you the wonderful person you are today. Josephine will also experience her grandma through you forever, no matter what happens. We're all linked in many ways - especially when we want to be. God bless you and your mom.

Michelle said...

As your mom would say, "fuck cancer". Oh damn it. I love you Renee. xxxx

By Way of Salem said...

I am so sorry for your loss. IBC is just a horrid cancer. I have been studying it for many years and have donated for that long as well. As breast cancers go, that's the one that bothers me the most. No I am not a doctor, just someone who cares about women and these awful illnesses that we succumb to.
I'm sorry for you and Josephine (love that name by the way). I just came upon this blog through another blog - Darksidecreations - and was drawn to see who Renee was.
I can tell you one thing - she is with her mom now and maybe Mom called her home as well. They will both watch over Josephine and you forever, and are all around you, be assured of that. Just as I am surrounded by my father and family who are flying with the birds as well.
She is pain free now and is healed and happy.
Take very good care my dears, you will all be together in another place one day. But remember - she is still with you every second!

Caroline said...

Sending many blessings your way.

marianne said...

I am sending loving thoughts Renee's and her family's way!

Linda said...

My heart is filled with sadness for you, your family and especially Josephine. Renee is such a lovely person. She reached out and touched so many people. I'll never forget her warmth and sincerity. She is a genuine angel. My prayers are with her.

Momo Luna said...

Dear Angelique, dear Renee,

my heart goes out to all of you. Although i haven't met Renee in real life, she feels very close because of her always inspiring spirit. And i love that spirit, i love her.....

Please bring her my hugs, kisses, love and thank you.
My prayers are with you all.

xoxox Monica

Bella Sinclair said...


How are you, dear? It's a silly question, I know. I wish instead I could just sit with you all and offer you my embrace. I miss your mother. I miss her so strongly, I ache. I miss her Silent Saturdays and Housewife quizzes. I miss her ability to be irreverent and bawdy one moment, and tender and loving the next. I miss her laughter. I just miss her.

How I wish she would come back. But that is selfish. More than anything, I want her to be pain free.

All day yesterday and today, I've found myself weeping silently. The tears just flow at odd times...when I'm washing dishes or brushing my teeth, when I'm trying to fall asleep. She and you and all her loved ones are constantly in my thoughts. And as much as I am sad, I know the feelings are multiplied a thousand-fold for you all.

I don't know if you had a chance to look around the blogworld recently. The amount of love and tears for your dear mother is overwhelming and resounding. I found solace in the knowledge that she has changed the face of the world with her love. That is her legacy to us all, and I am so very blessed to have her as my beloved friend.

Please let her know that I will find her again one day. I will know the feel of her hand in mind, and we will laugh and dance. She owes me another million years, and I will hold her to that.

Thank you for letting me ramble.


Becky said...

Renee's love pressed against my heart and holds there still, though it is breaking... thank you for writing Angelique, you are your mother's daughter. peace be with you all ways.

Julie-ann Bowden said...

Going to bed now, Renee, I adore you so much! Hope you are as comfortable!

Love you and your family!


BT said...

I knew that Renee had cancer of course, as we all did, yet it never crossed my mind how much of an influence on my life she would become and how I have grown to love her. We all have. She is beautiful inside and out, in spite of that horrid disease.

Thank you so much Angelique for keeping us all up to date. I hope she is kept free from pain and send my loving thoughts to you and all the family. It is so so sad.

TheChicGeek said...

Angelique, thank you for writing this. My prayers are with you all. Renee is a beautiful soul and has touched my life with her love. What a special family you have. I send my love to you all.
Renee, I adore you so much. I so wish I could take your pain away. You are loved.

Pattee said...

Angelique... please tell your mom that her gypsy caravan is waiting for her... I will be her personal chef and we will have wild adventure's. Her caravan of course is pulled by the gypsy horse named Sheldon.

I love your mom~

yoborobo said...

To Renee and her family - all my love to you in this difficult time. Renee, I wish you peace, my dear friend. Thank you so much for everything. God bless your wonderful family - xoxoxox Pam

Nina P. said...


God is always closest
When we feel He’s not.
He sees us through the darkness
When we think that He forgot

His light it shines forever
Our hope in Him you see
Our thoughts and prayers unspoken
He hears from you and me

He answers with a whisper
To his frightened little one:
“I’m here for you forever
As promised by My Son.

My arms to you I open
My child, come and cry
I hear your prayers and answer
Though, you understand not why.

I have a plan for each of you
While you’re here on earth
I also have a place for you,
When its time for your rebirth.”

Family and friends all gather
We pray for health with love
We pray for you Gods’ Wisdom
His answer, from Above.

Written with Faith, Hope and Love by Nina P
I wrote this long ago with a Christian heart for the ill. May you find comfort in the words that share meaning with your soul. I never assume another persons beliefs, so please take this as it is meant, a prayer from my heart to yours. Blessings to you and your family now and for eternity. Be close, hold tight, and never let go. May Angels watch over you and guide you home. Loved ones never go away, they are as close as our heart. Love and Light, Nina P

Gillian said...

Here via Rochambeau.

Prayers and thoughts for your mother. Oh how lucky she is to have you. xoxo

LaWatha said...

I've only known your Mom a short time- a little over a year I think- but she means the world to me. I have laughed, I've cried, I've been in awe of her ability to remain strong through all the heartache and pain your family has suffered this past year. I'm on a road trip right now and not getting a chance to check in here every day right now, but my thoughts and prayers are with your Mom and all of your family... she is an amazing woman with a superb wit and ridiculously wonderful way with words. I love Renee- as I'm sure anybody who has ever come into contact with her surely must love her. Please tell her hello for me-

Thank you for your updates, dear Angelique.

With much love,

Kate James said...

I'm so sorry Angelique. As lakeviewer said - your Mom has touched us all. She really is someone special. My thoughts are with you all. xx

Ces said...

Angelique, I am so sorry you are hurting. I lost my Mother several years ago and I took care of her during her last two weeks of life. I remember all we ever talked about was how much we loved each other. In the end love is the only thing that matters.

I am writing because this is usually the time your mother and I would "play" with each other and she would write how much she laughs and how she hits the table with her hands as she laughs, how she almost spilled her tea. I have a very good visual of that. We spent hours commenting back and forth, she is quick witted, wickedly funny and she made me laugh and relaxed all the while she was in severe pain and never said anything until she finally says "I felt so shitty today and my back is killing me but now I am a wreck from laughing too much."

She is so proud of Josephine and was so excited to tell me that she is a Gemini of course her birthday is the day before mine so Renee would always talk about her Gemini. She sent me a photograph of Josephine in her beautiful coat and it took me a while to read her email and she was most impatient with me say "F--- Ces, did you look at the picture yet?" So naturally I had to immediately do it. Your mother lovingly and playfully called me many names and titles. Quite frankly, she is the only one in blogland who has that privilege for she is the only one who could be bawdy and loving, frank yet tender at the same time.

Thank you for letting me ramble. Angelique, your mother is a legend way before she inspired artists all over the world to paint and illustrate her. She is a muse.

Renee, my beloved friend, I miss you so much, I love you.

Ces said...

Angelique, I am so sorry you are hurting. I lost my Mother several years ago and I took care of her during her last two weeks of life. I remember all we ever talked about was how much we loved each other. In the end love is the only thing that matters.

I am writing because this is usually the time your mother and I would "play" with each other and she would write how much she laughs and how she hits the table with her hands as she laughs, how she almost spilled her tea. I have a very good visual of that. We spent hours commenting back and forth, she is quick witted, wickedly funny and she made me laugh and relaxed all the while she was in severe pain and never said anything until she finally says "I felt so shitty today and my back is killing me but now I am a wreck from laughing too much."

She is so proud of Josephine and was so excited to tell me that she is a Gemini of course her birthday is the day before mine so Renee would always talk about her Gemini. She sent me a photograph of Josephine in her beautiful coat and it took me a while to read her email and she was most impatient with me say "F--- Ces, did you look at the picture yet?" So naturally I had to immediately do it. Your mother lovingly and playfully called me many names and titles. Quite frankly, she is the only one in blogland who has that privilege for she is the only one who could be bawdy and loving, frank yet tender at the same time.

Thank you for letting me ramble. Angelique, your mother is a legend way before she inspired artists all over the world to paint and illustrate her. She is a muse.

Renee, my beloved friend, I miss you so much, I love you.

momcat said...

This is so hard to hear about Renee. She, who has encouraged and uplifted so many of us in the time we've known her and has cared about us, even though not knowing us personally. And now going through this hard time, this separation from her family on earth. I pray for peace and relief from pain for Renee and time to spend with loved ones. God's richest blessings to you, Renee.

Maria-Thérèse said...

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Reasons said...

I am so so sorry. I came here today via Ribbon's blog and I fear I have come to late to meet you dear dear mother. I wish you every comfort I can possibly wish.

Debra said...

I am so sorry and upset that htis has happened. I wish for her only the best and miss her little comments on my blog, as well as her own uplifitng posts on hers.
I pray for the pain to stop, for her to get better and once again play with her grandbabies that she loves more than she cold ever say. Thank you for keeping us aware and please let her know I am praying and thinking of her always.

WrightStuff said...

I am a regular around blogland and enjoy my visits to Sarah, Lisa Lectura to name but two. There I am finding an outpouring love and support for Renee. She is clearly a woman who has touched the hearts of many and I am sorry not to have known her. However, I just wanted you to know that her story has touched my heart and I feel a touch of her warmth and compassion. Please accept some love and support from a stranger across the Atlantic. You sure sound like one hell of a woman Renee, an inspiration to us all.

Jessie said...

Much love and good wishes to a wonderful family.xx

Silke said...

Sending all my love to your sweet mom, Angelique, and you all! You all are on my mind constantly! Love, Silke

Christine said...

Thinknig of you Angelique and all your family, and of Renee as she passes through this dark path - may you all know some measure of peace.

Jos said...

Ah Renee ... I wish you could read all the comments left here. How is it that one person can have such a huge heart that she is able to embrace so many of us and make us feel that each is truly a special friend. What a gift that is. I am so proud to call you my friend and I can see that I'm not alone in that ... not by a long chalk!

I think of you each day. I wish and hope and pray. I love what Allegra said about life after life. Bloody hell what a party we'll have eh??!! I love you Renee. Always.

Angelique, how I wish I had words of strength and comfort for you. I know you are being as brave as any daughter could ever be. I'm so sorry for your pain. xx Jos

Marie Antionette said...

Hello Renee,
I wish you and your family more time with your Mom. I miss my Mom.
You look just like her.Both of you are so beautiful.I have not been blogging for awhile.I'm just geting back into the swing of things.But you have been in my thoughts and prayers.I will keep them coming your way.As long as your family stay strong, like your doing,God will get to all though this.
May God bless you,
Marie Antionette

Suzie said...

secAngelique, you already have much of your Mom in you. You write as well as she does, and your compassion shines through too.

Thank you so much for letting us know what is happening to our dear Renee.

When you see all of the outpouring of love for your Mom, you will get just a hint of how much she is loved, but you will never know just how far that love has extended, because many people that she has touched, will not write, nor may not even know her. They will be the recipients of love that is being passed along by Renee's example.

She has always written with such compassion and honesty, that oftentimes, there was nothing to add to what she had so eloquently expressed. She always has known how to get right to the heart of the matter.

Renee, they aren't getting your Angel's wings ready for you, because you've been wearing them since you were born. You are indeed an Angel here on earth. We've all been blessed by your touching our lives, and rest in peace my friend, in knowing that we will always carry love for you in our hearts, and will continue to spread your inspiration to others, as you have done for us.

LDWatkins said...

You've touched us all profoundly. I want to rant but can't, instead I'm filled with a stillness, a soft quietness that is Renee. I feel blessed to have been a small part of her life. Thank you, Angelique and when you next kiss her it's from me also. Hugs, Lynda

blueberries in the fields said...

i am so sorry and sad to read this. i lost my mom too, she had breast cancer and it spread everywhere like your mom. My heart goes out to you, your mom who is so couragous and your family. I know it isn't much, but i am sending you many prayers.

ToM KiDDo said...

wow, lil Josephine is such a cute lass :D
and also, hope Renee gets well :)

Javajune said...

My heart goes out to all of you. I don't know what else to say. Renee will be in my heart forever.

Diana Evans said...

I created a special art piece dedicated to your Mom...she is and will always be an inspiration...

I will also donate partial proceeds from this print to Breast Cancer Research .....

here is the blog post for Renee

Sending prayers and hugs...


Marie S said...

Angelique, your mom said this awhile ago when we were chatting and I find it fitting to leave with you now!
"Everything is an illusion after all. It is vapor and dust and smoke and mirrors. However, the love one feels is always true."

I love you Renee, wisdom flowed from your mouth and heart for all of us on a daily basis. The void is indeed deep now. I can hardly wait till I can hear you again.

Be well Angelique, take care of yourself and your family.
The strength of your mother shows in your face.
We all weep with you.
Love and hugs.

Gloria said...

Renee, even though you are not physically here, I feel your spirit here on this blog of yours. I can almost see you sitting there typing and laughing, joking and voicing your thoughts. I miss you coming to my blog to leave a comment. Everytime I posted, you were there. I still come here to see you and I know you see us all. How we miss you. I remember when Sheldon left, how you told me that I would know how his mother was feeling because I had lost my son and how everytime I felt so much heartache on losing my son, you would send me comforting words. I miss you Renee. Go well my friend.
Thank you Angelique and my prayers are with you and your family.
God Bless You All.

Marie S said...

Oh and Madi loves you Auntie Renee!

Lynn said...

I don't know your mom Angelique, I found out about her through another blog, yet I wanted to say how deeply sorry I am for all the pain you have been through lately.
Blessings to you all, and many prayers.

Catherine said...

Sweet Renee,

I am thinking of you today. I love you so much! I know you may not read this but you mean so much to me.

xox, Catherine

Anonymous said...

It may feel like there is not enough time. Every moment spend with your awesome mother will be enternal,because you will carry it with you always.

Renee Love
I am sending you and your wonderful family love & hope. I hope you have beautiful moments with your family. But then how can any moment shared with them not be beautiful because you are together strong.
loving you always

Beth said...

What a wonderful post, and this whole blog will be such a treasure for the grandchildren. I wish she could be pain free... my thoughts and prayers are with Renee and her family.

Ces said...

Darling Renee, you would love what I put between your legs in the gypsy wagon. Well, that's what Bella said. Dang! I miss you. I am so selfish. I want to keep you longer. Who am I going to see early in the morning? I am lost and my heart is aching for you. I love you!!!

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