Monday 31 May 2010

If Only it Could Have Been, It Would Have Been

If only things could be as we think they should have been. If so, we could be celebrating Sheldon's birthday with him today as he would be turning 26 years old today. We were so lucky to have been graced with him in our lives. You could only imagine his great laugh that made us laugh; his quick wit that always got us going and that secretly impressed the hell out of us. His charm and super sweetness made him all the more lovable. He was always a good listener, always without judgement. Sheldon had amazing strength in his last days that he supported those of us around him that couldn't grasp losing him. He told us he was ok and that he accepted his fate.

In honour of Sheldon, we gathered at his gravesite and toasted this wonderful person who is so deeply missed in our lives.
Cheers to you Sheldon. Thank you for all the love and laughter you brought us. Thank you for inspiring us and giving us the strength and courage to live our lives to the fullest.
As my Mom would say, 'Thank you for the pleasure Sheldon. We love you oh so much.'
(I am hoping she already told you that today : )

Monday 17 May 2010

Mayfly Day

I am not sure if my Mom ever talked about her funeral book. I don't think it took her long to do (I am only saying this because I never saw her doing it) but it was real treasure to have when she died. She had shown it to us months before she died. She was really quite excited about it. I read it through and was happy that I had such a creative Mom. We all agreed it would come in handy when she died 40 years later at 90 something (writing that last line makes me jealous that some people could have their mother around for so long, even though I am trying to be grateful that I had her for as long as I did).

The funeral book was like a little scrapbook that she put together. The right sided pages were for all her business matters and requests (like the silly cardboard box she wanted for her cremation and readings she wanted at her funeral). The left sided pages were for all her pictures, quotations about living and dying, scraps of things she has collected over the years...even something I had written at the age of 12 about how wonderful life was. This little book of hers helped us through the first part of losing her, I know my Dad was especially grateful. We could hear her voice and we appreciated that she thought of this and for one last time, she was able to take care of things for us.

One of the readings we decided to add to the funeral was called 'Mayfly Day' by Jeanne Willis and Tony Ross. My Mom found this book and fell in love. She bought as many as she could and I took her to several bookstores for her to find some more (we were out of luck). I am lucky to have one of the copies and on the inside cover she quoted, "She makes one last wish...." from the book. I am trying to make myself read this little book and live by it. I am trying to be present in this moment in my life. I am finding it dreadfully hard to make my Mom a memory of mine and move on with my life. It just isn't enough for someone so grand to be simply a memory. But I also know that I will not do her justice or proud if I don't take life by the horns and ride it.

Mayfly Day (by Jeanne Willis and Tony Ross)

Here is Mayfly,
It is her first day on earth.
It is also her last.
Mayflies only live for one day.
But is she sad?
Not at all.
She is happy to be alive!

This isn't any old day.
This is the best of days.
She lives for each moment.
She sees the world begin,
She hears the crack of dawn.
And bathes in its golden glow.
A billion buds burst open.
All for her!

She tastes her honey.

Mayfly sees eggs hatch.
Babies born.
Lambs learning to stand.
The business of ants.
The dizziness of children...
The loveliness of things.

She feels the sun's warm hug.
The kiss of summer rain.
The magic of the rainbow.

It is her wedding day.
Trees throw confetti.
There are games on the lawn.
Breezes blow, bells chime.
Birds sing!
She dancesto the music of the universe.

Mayfly lays her eggs.
It is a peaceful night.
The best of nights.

She makes one last wish:
'Little ones, may all your tomorrows be as perfect as my yesterday!'
Mayfly watches the moon come up and the stars go out.
And is thankful for her wonderful life.

*This is a picture my uncle just found of my beautiful Mom (on the right) and my beautiful Auntie Jaquie.

Sunday 9 May 2010

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to those of you who are blessed to have children of your own to love, cherish and admire.

Happy Mother's Day to those of you who were blessed to have children of your own to love, cherish and admire. May you take comfort in your memories.

Happy Mother's Day to those of you were blessed to still have your mother with you to love.

Happy Mother's Day to those of you who were blessed with a mother in your life who has loved you and shown you love. May you take comfort in your memories.

* Artwork titled 'Home' by Katie M. Berggren