Thursday, 3 April 2008

Mad Hatter's Tea Parties

When the world is looming and the pressure is on, when thumb screws are being turned and you have a gun pointed in your direction, what makes you go beyond mere survival?  What makes you thrive?

I have been asking myself these questions for awhile now.  I still don’t know the answers.

As far as surviving goes, it was essential for me to get through my treatments.  It let me survive and that is what I wanted most, but I also realized that I wanted more than to be just a carcass occupying space.

I want to thrive.  I want to be what I have always wanted to be.  I am determined to flourish in spite of my cancer.  I want to have days filled with diamond possibilities and golden opportunities.

Today I saw a St. Bernard dog as big as a small bear.  It was an adventure and I am going to have more adventures every day.

I am going to recite Mad Hatter poetry ‘Twinkle twinkle little bat,’ have Mad Hatter tea parties all of the time even if they are just with me.  I will determine whether I am the Mad Hatter, Alice, the March Hare, or the Dormouse.

I am going to spend more time with people under the age of 6 and over the age of 70.

I am going to believe in impossible things and dream more while I am awake.

I am going to do fewer things like the Queen of Hearts such as try to find out how to chop off the Cheshire cat’s head, since he is only a floating head.  I am not going to waste my life energy on imaginary cat’s heads.

I am going to do more things like the Queen of Hearts and play hedgehog croquet with flamingo mallets.  Here Josephine it is your turn. Just place the flamingo upside down, grab hold of his legs and swing.  And if you need help, Grandma will push the hedgehog under the croquet hoop.

“There is no use trying,” said Alice “one can't believe impossible things.”  “I dare say you haven't had much practice,” said the Queen “when I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day, why sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”  (Lewis Carol’s Alice in Wonderland)

The following is a meaningful poem by Dawna Markova.

I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days.
To allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible.
To loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance, to live, so that which came to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which came to me as blossom goes on as fruit.

I will have Mad Hatter tea parties, play hedgehog croquet, see St. Bernard Dogs as big as small bears; and just maybe, if I am lucky, I will thrive along the way.


Anonymous said...

Hey Renee,

You are truly amazing...everything you write is so inspired. I've been thinking of you the past few days...if you are feeling up to a chat, call anytime.

(Jill's baby)

Anonymous said...

your word, as your life, is poetry,.

Deborah said...

Beautifully said. Oh, do come to my Mad Hatter Tea Party next Saturday! It is of a wicked sort...