Friday, 29 January 2010
My First Home
It is the real beginning of the real end.
My first home and an especial love of my life is leaving this world. It may take a few weeks or it may take a few days but how I am going to miss her; my Mom, the person who probably still cares the most for me in this world.
Angelique and Josephine and Domenic spent the day with Mom on Wednesday along with Mickey and Dwain and Taylor and they had a lovely time.
Angelique, Nadalene, and I spent the evening and we had a wonderful time and Mom was in good spirits. Mom kept saying how she would talk to Domenic and he would laugh and how happy that made her. And that little Josephine; of course full of life and love for great-grandma and how when Mom fell asleep; Josephine said ‘wake-up.’
But then Mom had to swallow some pills and that took a lot out of her. Fentanyl came in to play but it just didn’t help ease her breath or panic fast enough. It is hard to watch your mother struggle.
It was a very hard day for Jacquie yesterday as when I left her house with Colette and Wahid we went on to visit Mom and she had to stay home. Yes she phoned a few times and Mom rallied herself to say ‘Is that Jacquie, tell Jacquie not to worry.’ And Jacquie said she wouldn’t but of course she did.
Our family has always been a survival unit with our parents agreeing in all actions to care for us kids and for us kids agreeing (not in all actions) to take care of our parents. When I went to Shelly’s last night it was to a hard scene as Mom was disoriented. And at the same time it was beautiful to see her children all around her focused on her completely.
Harry was gone to get new medicine. Jeanine had been there all day and was talking to the nurses and getting all the information we needed. Suzie was upset and crying of course it is all so much. Mickey who has been there every day taking care of Mom while Shelly is at work was taking care of Mom and trying to help her. Colette and Joey were holding Mom’s hand and rubbing her back. Shelly was taking care of all Moms’ needs too and just putting herself out there. I sat back in a chair and watched.
When Mom settled I sat beside her and held her hand. She said ‘Who is that?’ I said “It is your Renee, Mom.” And Mom said ‘Oh my Renee.’
And how hard for us all that our mother whom we love and cherish above all others must face anguish and despair. She will endure pain and fear and suffering and she will fade before our eyes.
And yet we will hold her gaze in our hearts and in our prayers knowing that it would be disrespectful to avert our eyes even for a second. Our gift to her now is our undivided attention.
My mother’s wealth is her family. Mom is very proud of the bonds that her children have. And believe me, we have them. Mom would be the first to say that the wealth of her children could not be given a price and that she was proud of each and every one of us.
Shelly and Peter have set up a lovely room for Mom where she is so happy and comfortable. Where she says she eats like a queen. I will never forget that you have done this for Mom Shelly. Thank you.
We gather everyday now, we her adult children. We gather to her bedside which has become Holy Ground. You are our first home, our greatest champion.
I love you Mom. xoxoxo