Sunday 5 July 2009

Happy Anniversary No. 2


















Today is our 34th wedding anniversary and I think that we are happy enough.

In my post entitled Happy Anniversary http://circlingmyhead.blogspot.com/2008/07/happy-anniversary.html I talked about my wedding. If you are interested in reading it, I hope you enjoy it. As I mentioned in that post I can only give you my version as Wahid prefers to keep his version out of my blog.

I look back on these 34 years since our wedding day. I reminisce and think that it took me forever to become 34 years old, never mind be married for 34 years.

The past 34 years have not been perfect. We have had our struggles and survived. We are loyal and committed and we choose to love each other every day.

I make a conscious choice to love Wahid every day (it is not a hard thing to do).

We were so young and so naïve when we got married. But you know what; maybe that was a really good thing. Those were the times when you just let the days come to you, carefree days where you had faith in each other and the world. There was the faith that love would always be there like the comfiest sort of blanket which covered you in warmth trailing a scent of wildflowers in its wake.

Our marriage has been a collection of regular days which were inserted with four miracles; Angelique, Nadalene, Nathan, and Josephine.

That we have gotten this far was not a miracle and it really wasn’t a lot of work.

Stretched out behind us are 34 years of putting our egos aside, of having children and focusing our attentions on their needs and not ours. Of having children that simultaneously drag us apart and sew us together.

In the midst of the marriage I thought time would keep a steady pace but now as I look back on it I see that it has been speeding up.

I have mostly been happy in my marriage; but is happiness the measure of a marriage? I ask that question because everyone always talks about how happy they are. How their marriage is and always has been fantastic.

I don’t believe that people themselves are happy all of the time, so how can they be happy in their marriage all of the time? Just because someone is not happy at some points in their marriage does not mean they have a bad marriage.

I believe that when you are doing things in the marriage you have to stop thinking about how it could be better and enjoy it the way it is. Let your head be present in the experience and not outside of the experience criticizing it; thinking about how it could be better and how it is not good enough, when in fact, it is more than good enough. In my marriage, for me, there has been a real need to drop the fantasy and enjoy the reality.

Wahid is very good looking; and I mean very good looking. And while I was watching him the other night I was overcome with affection for him. I am overcome with love and respect for this man who has walked with me in marriage for the past 34 years. I am comforted knowing that he is in my life.

I know that any problems we have had are small potatoes compares to what may be ahead of us as now we live in tornado conditions. I know that with Wahid in my life his support will help give me the strength I need to see myself through.

Happy Anniversary Wahid; you are better than any fantasy could ever be.

Love Renee xoxox

104 comments:

Kelly Kilmer said...

Happy Anniversary to both of you....

Anonymous said...

Renee, that was lovely! And congratulations on 34 years! That is a rare and very special thing these days! I am so happy that you and Wahid found each other, and that he is there to walk beside you on this horrid journey. I am glad that he is a committed, honorable man who loves his wife and children. And I am glad that this good man found such an amazing woman!
Much love to you gorgeous Renee.
xoxoxo

Elizabeth said...

Happy Anniversary to you both! And I love what you said about happiness and marriage -- I've never thought about it in that way and it's enormously helpful and inspiring, actually.

Zom said...

Yay! I thrill to hear the truth.
I wonder about happiness and marriage too. IMHE someone else cannot make you happy, or not for long. But I do feel honoured to be able to share my life with a man I respect and like. Sometimes it has been wonderful and pleasurable, at other times difficult. But isn't that the cycle of living?

Delwyn said...

Hi Renee

happy days to you on this very special of days...

You are so right in your summary of 'a good marriage'. No-one knows what to expect, we are fed such nonsense in movies and in fantasy dreamworlds, but the reality is very different.
I like the saying:

Love is like bread
You have to make it every day.

Marriage thrives when this principle is applied.

Happy Days Renee and your Beloved.

PurestGreen said...

What a lovely, honest post. I'm 34 this year and feel like time is skimming through my hands like a rope that I can't hold onto.

Choosing to love each other every day is the best practice for any relationship.

soulbrush said...

happy anni to you and wahid. we also have 34 years (with a divorce and re-marriage in the middle!) people who say 'we are so happy, we never fight' make me very cross! either they have only been married for 2 minutes or they are not living in reality. may you both have MANY MORE.

Anonymous said...

Renee, this post is wonderful and so much, happy anniversary!
Have a great day!
Lots of love!

Michelle said...

Oh most cool.....if I could write something like this about someone one day, well, I would be satisfied with my lot.

Happy Anniversary!

xxx

Mim said...

Congrads to you - I know what an achievement this is as T and I are coming up on 35 years in a month or so. We've been happy....and we've been miserable...and we've been blase...but never bored!
I hope you got a good present. That always helps in this house :)

Mim said...

just read your wedding story and it is hysterical. I love the part about the going away clothes...

kendalee said...

Congratulations on the anniversary of your wedding Renee, and congratulations on 34 years of living the commitment you made to each other on that day. Something to celebrate indeed, and you've so beautifully done so in your tribute to Wahid and your marriage... What a joyful and inspiring achievement! ♥

Yvonne Anderson said...

Lovely Renee,

What a beautiful gift for Wahid. To share your love for him on your blog.

I wish you both the best anniversary.

xx

Bailey said...

Awww!
This makes me want to get married!!!
You're both so lucky you found each other so young :-)
Happy 34th Anniversary!
xox

xxx said...

Wonderful!
34 years to share a life journey with any soul is something to be very proud of.
Happiness is one of many emotions experienced in a relationship. I think if happiness is the only one then maybe someone is lying and not truely living.

thanks again for all that you share... my much loved cat burgalar blogging mate :-)

Micki Wilde said...

Happy anniversary to you both.


Micki x

Ces Adorio said...

What a fanatastic post! You are absolutely right renee about happiness in a marriage. I don't know why people think they have to be "happy" in a marriage for it to mean anything because only a person high on drugs could be "happy" all the time. It is the reason for getting married in the first place and that is to share your life with another human being and raise a family perhaps and nurture your children to keep the circle of life going. There is also this false and shallow premise that one has to be completely satisfied for a marriage to work. We don't quit a job because of difficulties we encounter some months or years if we are generally contented with it, then why do we demand so much from our marriages? It is a commitment with another human being, not a machine that can be programmed and human beings are complex. We have accustomed ourselves to the pursuit of happiness that we think marriage is disposable, everything is disposable.

I like your outlook. You are a very real and wise person. Really a sage, you have achieved self fulfillment, you are a self-actualized person. You are very rare indeed. Wahid seemes like a terrific guy. Not perfect but desirable nevertheless because you as a woman have this realistic expectation of men. They are not perfect and neither are we.

Love and respect are very simple concepts and if we can make them work for us, we will be happy and copasetic most of the time punctuated with happy events and crisis and troubles that we can cope with. My goal in my marriage is achieving peace of mind and I have that and I have a man who respects and love me enormously and I do him the same. Thank you for this post. Somehow, young people thinking of getting married should read this.

Ces Adorio said...

Oh drats! Of course, CONGRATULATIONS and happy anniversary my dearest, beloved friend. I love you Renee, take that with you until you close your eyes for the last time.

Eddie Bluelights said...

Happy Anniversay, Renee, to you both. 34 years is a long time - about the same as Maria and I, 36 years.
Agree not ecstatically happy all the time but the ups and downs helped us to get through, cementing our marriage and relationship with both good news and bad news.
She says it's too late to find anyone else now so she might as well stick with me - gosh thanks love! - Thabnk you for all your kind comments ~ Eddie

kj said...

again and again you are incredible, renee. this should be a marriage manual given at the beginning and middle of every marriage.i will soon see jb this morning, knowing that i was not attentive enough to her needs yesterday and i will remember all that you say. thank you dear friend.

you and wahid deserve eachother!

my favorite line:

"Those were the times when you just let the days come to you"

love you,
kj

Lisa said...

Happy Anniversary. Beautifully said and very thought-provoking.

Art by Darla Kay said...

Happy Anniversary Renee & Wahid! I'm so happy for you both! What a wonderful post that reflects on the reality of marriage...and life in general. Awesome!!
♥♥Darla

Manon said...

Happy Anniversary to you both! What a lovely post Renee! Your Wahid is a very lucky man!

Caroline said...

A very Happy Anniversary to you and Wahid - 34 years (we're just one year behind!) of wedded 'bliss'. I really like what you say about enjoying the reality.
Caroline x

secret agent woman said...

The double wedding story was funny - I abhor the whole "it's my day Bridezilla thng, and yet I do think focusing on just one couple is to the good. Still, it obviously did not jinx your marriage in anyway, so a very happy 34th to you both!

Karin Bartimole said...

Happy Anniversary Renee! So much was said in this post that I agree with - about happiness, time's passing, and most of all the wisdom in your words: I believe that when you are doing things in the marriage you have to stop thinking about how it could be better and enjoy it the way it is. Let your head be present in the experience and not outside of the experience criticizing it; thinking about how it could be better and how it is not good enough, when in fact, it is more than good enough. In my marriage, for me, there has been a real need to drop the fantasy and enjoy the reality.
If this was understood by every newlywed, marriages would last for always!

May the celebration of your love be full and wondrous today - blessings to you and Wahid.

love, Karin

to answer your questions, my doc returns tomorrow, so the fight will pick up again then. I think the denial is all about $$ - an extremely expensive med, the insurance company is attempting to put off paying for as long as possible.

Cheryl Cato said...

Happy anniversary Renee & Wahid! I'm glad you are "happy enough"... Lord knows you & Wahid have much to deal with at this time, but obviously your love for each other will carry you forward.
I love the way you put things in perspective. You, as I have said before, are a wise woman! Perhaps the best part of your post is:

"I believe that when you are doing things in the marriage you have to stop thinking about how it could be better and enjoy it the way it is. Let your head be present in the experience and not outside of the experience criticizing it; thinking about how it could be better and how it is not good enough, when in fact, it is more than good enough."

Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

LuLu Kellogg said...

Happy Anniversary Renee...I am sure you are as lovely to Wahid as he is to you.

Love,
LuLu~*xoxo

Noreen said...

Happy Anniversary Renee and Wahid! I am so very happy for the both of you!

kj said...

xoxoxo 2

A Spoonful Of Sugar said...

Best wishes for your anniversary Renee! 34 years is quite an achievement - it is wonderful to have that shared story with someone. Enjoy your celebrations!

I also had a July wedding and we will be celebrating 19 years next week - it sure goes fast!

Ces Adorio said...

Hello again. I am looking at the artwork and as thumbnails they look like two circumcised penises kissing each other. I am a very dangerous art critic. I saw eveything Picasso "accidentaly" wanted to portray. Those artists.. hmn!

Ces Adorio said...

Of course not Wahid! I am referring to the illustration. Maybe because I was staring at a quercus lobata acorn this morning.

Holly said...

Congratulations Renee and Wahid - am amazing, remarkable and yet totally ordinary couple doing amazing and remarkable and totally ordinary things like loving and survivng!!

Anonymous said...

Marriages should contain happiness but not be built on it alone. I would take a friendship as the most important element. I have found some couple's treat their friends better than their spouses. I had observed that in high school and it has stuck with me. I'm 13 years into my marriage and on days I don't like him very well I only need to remember.. he is my best friend.

Happy Anniversary to you both!!

A Gift Wrapped Life said...

Congratulations Renee! I too have just celebrated 34 yrs. in June so it is special to be married that long. My mother always told me that sometimes he would love me more, then I would love him more, then other times we would meet at the same time and these would be our best times....she was right. We are complete opposites so it has always been interesting but wonderful. My very best wishes to you both that you have many "best times" together. XO

Unseen India Tours said...

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studio lolo said...

happy anniversary to an amazing couple! Wahid sounds like everything you deserve in a husband and friend.

Blessings to you both ;)

xoxoxoxoxoxo
lolo

Linda Sue said...

34 years!! So , if my math is correct, you got married when you were just five...I thought that was illegal in canada, I must be wrong- first time for everything!

Marion said...

Happy Anniversary, Renee. I love the way you described your marriage. Blessings to you and your wonderful family!!!

jacquie said...

happy anniversary renee and wahid.

wahid is a very handsome man but he is also your equal in
love
strength
compassion
loyalty
honesty
spirituality
and so many other qualities you both share....
cheers to both of you for a beautiful day.....
love jacquie

Sarah said...

Happy Anniversary Renee and Wahid!
Sarah xx

Anonymous said...

Happy Anniversary Renee and Wahid....

Marriage is not always happy, raiding children is not always happy, being ourselves is not always happy.

I think the Pollyanna attitude is WAYYY "not true"!Plus I never met a "Pollyanna" that didn't rub me the wrong way... : )

I feel the same with my husband ~ he and i have/had our struggles... but he is the grounding rock that holds me in place...

Love to you my dear friend Renee...
Pattee

Julie said...

Happy Anniversary, you guys!!! Your message gives me hope, since Tim and I are definitely a really up, then really down, then back up again, kind of couple. I toast in your honor, I hope you guys have fun celebrating!

Love you!
Julie

Sarah said...

Back again to say how much I enjoyed reading about your wedding. And it is far better to have enjoyed the marriage as the wedding is only one day. And what a day you had! Two birds! A going away dress for four! At least you got the first kiss!
Lucky you and Lucky Wahid to have found each other. x

Sarah said...

PS love you too x

angela recada said...

Oh my God, Renee! That was such an incredibly beautiful, realistic, loving tribute to your marriage - to ANY marriage.

Happy Anniversary to you, my dear friend, and to your incredible husband and life-partner Wahid. I am so happy for you both that you found each other and have had such a loving life together.

When you have a moment, please stop by my blog to pick up a special award. You may already have one from someone else, but I want you to know how very special you are to me, too!

I love you!

Hugs,
xoxoxo
Angela

Great-Granny Grandma said...

Happy Anniversary to both of you.

Once Upon A Blue Crow said...

How beautiful...
Happy Anniversary!

Polly said...

Beautiful post.

I'm 34. In the past 34 years I managed to get married and then get divorced, which took me to the hell and back. And I still think if there was anything I could have done to save this marriage...

I'm really, really glad that there are still people out there who are happy after 34 years of marriage, this gives me hope.

Thank you

Polly

dragonflydreamer said...

Happy Anniversary and thank you for sharing your experience of marriage after 34 years and four children. I agree with you after my own experiences of 25.5 years of marriage and two beautiful sons. We've been to hell and back together and it's all been worth it. Fantasy is never as good as the deep unconditional love and support that takes its place. I am inspired by your thoughts on love in the long term. Of everything I've ever read about sustaining love over the years, this has made the most sense to me.

xo dragonflydreamer xo

Willnnabel said...

You know Renee you are right, I think we are secretly sisters... Happiest Anniversary, to a couple married just a wee bit longer than us. May you have many more!

Silke Powers said...

Oh, happy anniversary to you both! It sounds like have had quite the journey together. I loved your post about marriage! I'd consider my marriage wonderful, but certainly not every moment... And there have been dark times, but making it through those has strengthened our bond to make it pretty much unbreakable. What I treasure most about Daniel, though, is that he knows me inside and out, the good and the bad, and he still loves me! Sounds like you have someone like that in Wahid! Such an inspiring post!! Love, Silke

GlorV1 said...

Happy Anniversary to both of you and many more. Hope you are doing well.
gloria

Jaliya said...

Beautiful, beautiful ... "Happy enough" is enough :-)

I'm reminded of Einstein's question, one that he thought it was necessary for us all to answer: "Is the universe a friendly place or not?" ... I decided a few years ago, "It's friendly ... enough."

Same goes for marriage, or happiness, or whatever else we consider important ... "Friendly enough" ... "Happy enough" ... The most important thing is that we contribute to that "enough" ...

Blessings on you and your Wahid ... 34 years is an honourable achievement!

yoborobo said...

Happy Anniversary, Renee and Wahid!

Anyone who thinks you are going to be happy 24-7 in a marriage has a hole in their head and their common sense is leaking out. :) There are days in my marriage (of 22 years) where I know we are doing very well to be friends. And other days, it's like you said, I am filled with affection for this person who was brave (or foolish) enough to sign up for a tour of duty with me. Wishing you years of happiness, blissful years, with much affection flowing and flowing and flowing!
xoxox Pam

Sarah Sullivan said...

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to you both!!! I hope you have a wonderful day hon!! Thinking of you!! Love, Sarah

BT said...

Renee, what a beautiful post. I love your marriage and the way you have worked at it and therefore made it work. That you have 4 wonderful children and that you acknowledge that you have had rough times along with the smooth. Happy anniversary. Wonderful. Do we have a photo of Wahid??

Unknown said...

Dear Friend..

I wish you a Happy Anniversary. Wahid and you are true picture of marriage..Work, love, strength, commitment, tough love, hard times , good times and life. Not many work as hard at commitment to another person To make it 34 years, is true commitment. Congratulations. Renee you are a lucky woman and Wahid you are a lucky man. Rejoice and reward each other in knowing you have gone farther than most marriages anywhere. Marriage is a lost ART!

Love you xoxoxoox
Sonia

rochambeau said...

Dear Renee and Wahid,
Happy Anniversary to you both!
SO grateful you came into each others lives AND have witnessed four miracles! Wonderful~

Wahid, I sense you are an exceptional man with extraordinary taste, because you are married to Renee!



Renee,
The things you write about are realistic side of marriage. I like you because you always shoot from the hip, and say it like it is.
Nothing in life, including people or relationships are perfect.
But with an attitude of appreciation, we can share in each others joys and divide our sorrows.

I so look forward to reading your take on that special day 34 years ago.

Love to you,
Constance

yoborobo said...

Thank you, Renee - love to you!! xox Pam

laughingwolf said...

happy 34 great years... hope you have at least 34 more :)

Baino said...

Ah now that was an honest appraisal and a rare commmodity these days. I agree that you can't be happy in a marriage all the time and often wonder if my husband had lived, would we still be together after 30 years who knows. Mutual respect is just as important as happines. Happy Anniversary you're very lucky to have lasted or perhaps you did what always sustains friendships and marriages worked hard at it!

Kate Robertson said...

Renee,

Happy Anniversary. A lovely post thanks for sharing this piece of your journey.

Kate

Rob-bear said...

Congratulations on your 34th Anniversary. My you have many more, and may they keep getting better.

Anonymous said...

Happy Anniversary to my parents Pudd and Nil!

I know how fortunate I am to have you both as parents - you are amazing in very different ways but are equally committed to our family.

While the family has always trumped the marriage, sometimes it should have been equal. Everyday creates new opportunities to connect even deeper.

Nobody could match my Pudd - she is and always has been in a league of her own - in her life and in her marriage.

Love forever
Nadia

Tammy said...

Happy Anniversary to you both..
What a Beautiful Story...
I am so Glad you found your soul mate and life partner.
God Bless you both..
Many Hugs!!
Love
tammy

Marie S said...

Happy Anniversary to you and Wahid Renee. May you have many many more!!
I don't think anyone is happy in marriage all of the time either.
Love and hugs,
Marie

Carolee said...

A beautiful post, and a beautiful tribute to marriage...

Happy Anniversary to both of you!

~ Carolee

Anonymous said...

Happy Anniversary you two.
Your comments about "happy" are so true only I never thought of it like that.
You are so good at seeing the good and filling life with hope.
Thanks Renee.

Flo

Kolleen said...

Happy, Happy on your 34 years of marriage! I love your post and your comments on happiness and how we choose to love our spouse daily. It is so true and I PRAY that one day I can write about celebrating my 34 year wedding anniversary! Blessings on you both...and your 4 miracles!

Julie said...

Happy anniversary! It's always nice to hear sound advice on how two people can make a union, a friendship last over the years because I know for me, in only six years, it is hard work. But definitely worth it. Have a wonderful day! xx

Draffin Bears said...

Renee that was such a lovely post.
Congratulations on 34 years together.
that is such a special thing in this day and age!

Wishing you a very happy Anniversary Renee and Wahid and many more.

Hugs
Carolyn

Renee said...

Nadalene thank you so much, you are a beautiful daughter who is in a league of her own too.

Love you.

Mom xoxoxo

Unknown said...

oh how wonderful Renee!!! where does the time go!!!! Bless you and your family and may you celebrate and eat cake!!!

Prometheus said...

Inspirational. Happy anniversary. The way the world is now a lot of marriages dont last for more than a few years..

A great question about what defines a good marriage. It might be in the eye of the beholder? I guess I need to get married to be able to answer hehe

Chrisy said...

Congrats to you both...two obviously gorgeous people, inside and out! Making that decision to love each day is the key I think...

kathy hare said...

Happy Anniversary to you both! :)
xoxoxo

pinkglitterfae said...

Happy Anniversary Renee and Wahid! you are very lucky to have each other to always depend on. Such a rare thing these days, and something for us all to aspire to.
May you have many, many more years together
xoxo
betty

Creations by Marie Antoinette and Edie Marie said...

Happy Anniversary Rennee and Wahid!!!Amen to every thing you said,for it is all true.I've been married 37 yrs and it is not all happy all the time.But you seem to have it altogether.May God bless you both...XXOO Marie Antionette

soulbrush said...

renee, i am sending Judy along to your site, she is a new bloggy friend of mine, with cancer and also a misdiagnosis like you, i hope she does visit you.she is fabulous too. love ya.

A Cuban In London said...

We choose to love each other every day.

What a wise phrase. We often forget that love is as much a choice as it is a natural instinct. Love means building the edifice everyday, putting one bricke and another one there. And when the plans don't go the way we want them, take a breather, knock off a few floors and start anew. Yes, it is as much a conscious as it is an unconscious act.

Happy Anniversary to both of you!

Greetings from London.

Debbie said...

What an incredibly lovely post. Happy Anniversary.

Laura said...

I so enjoy your blog. I'm a lurker, but I thought I ought to say hello and congratulations on 34 years of marriage.

Snowbrush said...

Well, Renee, may I be the 76th person to wish you a happy anniversary? If we weren't all such cheapskates, we would send you $10 each, and you could go out and buy a nice perch in a nice gilded cage for those damn birds that keep circling around your head.

Wendy said...

Oh Renee - what a beautiful, beautiful post! I am happy you are truly blessed with each other. Marriage does take work from time to time and you and dear hubby have stuck through it all. I loved your line " you are better than fantasy" - that says it all.
God bless and Happy Anniversary.
Hugs

Daria said...

Happy Anniversary!

That was really nice.

Kate James said...

Happy Anniversary Renee and Wahid.

Beautifully written x

~ ennui ~ said...

♥ Happy Anniversary ♥

Jen said...

Happy Anniversary, you two! 34 years is a great feat to some, but a simple reality to those who are truly in love. You've given stellar advice here, Renee! I'm so glad that you found each other and share such a beautiful life together :)

Rosaria Williams said...

Rene,
This is very wise, indeed. It is a realistic, sober assessment of what makes a marriage work. We all need to read it everyday, and apply its principles.

Congratulations to you and Wahid. May you have thirty+ years ahead.

Sara said...

o my goodness! you left an absolutely lovely comment on my blog and then i took in forever to reply! thanks for the love!

sara xoxo

Lori ann said...

Dear Renee,

visiting around blogland today catching up with all my friends, i wish i had brought a tissue. Reading about Shelly was so sweet and sincere I felt a lump in my throat. Then your beautiful tribute to your marriage and your husband, oh dear. Are you going to have your blog bound in a book (comments too), i hope so, I am still so skeptical of this internet world...
Happy Anniversary to you both. XXX

kj said...

p.s. your comments are as sweet as your post. just like you to inspire everybody else.

i hope today was good.

xo
kj

Jamie Lott said...

I hope you and Wahid had a wonderful anniversary!

I must admit, the fact the he won't share his story on your blog makes it that much more inticing to me....ah well! ;)

Jamie

Tessa said...

Oh, what a gem of a post, Renee. Happy Anniversary to you and your gorgeous Wahid.

Anonymous said...

Happy Anniversary to two beautiful
hearts...
Congratulations Renee and Wahid!

Love ya
Yvette

Anonymous said...

Belated Happy Anniversary Renee and Wahid. Blessings to you both, Barb

Anonymous said...

Happy anniversary Renee :o)!!It´s wonderful even only to read it :o) Love, Kristina

Sydney said...

Congratulations on your anniversary Renee. This was a beautiful piece, which I took to heart as my own questions have visited in the last few years. wise words. Many thanks.

Flor Larios Art said...

Happy Anniversary!!! a little late... but I am here!!!
A big hug!
Flor

christina said...

Happy anniversary to you both!
I am nodding my head yes. I know this type of love and I appreciate it.
Blessing to you.
xo

Ruthie Redden said...

a very belated happy anniversary, i so enjoyed reading this post your love & commitment shine through. inspiring indeed x

yoon see said...

Happy Anniversary to you and Wahid!
Congrats and congrats! You all have been 34 years together, that's fantastic!
Sorry to drop by late...but I am following your post as always!
Bye!