Sunday, 19 July 2009

Times Three


















Fifty years have been added onto my life in just three days. When God giveth he makes sure to taketh times three. He insists on payment for his pound of flesh.

One

“Hi Nathan.” ‘Mom, Grandma is in the hospital she was rushed by ambulance.’ Nadalene is on her way here.’

My mother was rushed to the hospital on Wednesday, July 15th. She was struggling to breathe and had a lung infection and respiratory problems.

I arrived at the hospital first thing in the morning and was met by Mickey, Colette, and Jeannine who were just coming from her room. Colette and Jeannine had slept overnight with her.

When I got to the room my cousin Rosemary was fixing her bed and plumping up pillows to make Mom as comfortable as possible. My Mom was gasping for breath.

While I was there the nurses told Mickey and I that because of the respiratory problems she was going to be placed in a private room because of H1N1 (swine flue). Even though they felt that she did not have it, it was new hospital protocol.

We have been gowned and masked and get to visit all we like.

Mom is much better and they think she will be out of the isolation room within a few days.

Two

‘Renee’ followed by silence and crying. “Hello? Hello?” More crying. “Has Mom died?” ‘No.’

My sister is very ill and cannot go to the hospital and asks if I can, as her son is being rushed into emergency as his blood is very low. “Yes, I can go immediately.”

We think it is a bleeding ulcer. Blood levels keep dropping. There is internal bleeding. X-rays are done, CT scan is done, and now a scope has to be done.

My nephew comes back from the CT and tells me ‘It is not what we thought. It is not a bleeding ulcer.’

The doctor talks to me ‘It is lymphoma and we think it is gastric lymphoma.’

I have to tell my sister, his mother.

Three

Mickey sleeps over night with my nephew and I go first thing in the morning.

After five units of blood his blood is still dropping and it is now down to 62. The surgeons come in and say they may have to remove his stomach if the internal bleeding does not stop.

Mickey talks to the doctor privately ‘Can you live without your stomach?’ ‘Yes’ the doctor says ‘you can.’

After another unit of blood and four hours later the bleeding has stopped.

The doctor states ‘He can go home now and oncology will phone. We are still waiting on the biopsy but as soon as it is done there will be more testing and chemo will have to start.’

The doctors say it is a curable cancer. Of course they have to wait for all results, but right now I am running with ‘it can be cured.’

It has to be, we love him so much.

He is only 25.

He is very brave.

I am willing to be the pound of flesh, just leave him alone.

91 comments:

PurestGreen said...

Oh, Renee. But don't go wishing to be the pound of flesh now. You are obviously needed to be there are a source of strength to those around you. I am sending you love and good wishes. Sx

Audrey said...

Oh Renee - I am in tears! I cannot believe what you and your family have been going through. It is just wrong, that a good and kind family must suffer, while horrid people coast through life.

Fucking cancer! It makes me SO angry.

Prayers and loving thoughts to you and yours.
xoxoxo

Anonymous me said...

Oh Renee this sounds an awful lot to cope with. Hang on to that word curable. There is hope, and I so hope that your nephew will come through with the minimum of treatment. I hope your mother continues to improve as well. Warmest hugs and I hope you will soon get brighter news. Look after yourself, don't forget to do that too. xxJ

sweetmango said...

SIGH...
Sending you love and all the energy you need to get through this. Sending energy to all of your family Renee, I love you
xm

Manon Doyle said...

My heart goes out to you and your family Renee!
So glad that your mom is doing better and I'm hoping for a cure for your nephew.
My prayers are with you.

love,
manon
xo

Sarah said...

OMGOMG Renee..I'm in tears along with you...oh hon!! I'm here for you, you know this. Sending healing to each of them and calm to you hon. Huge hugs and words just seem like not enough here. Love you hon, Sarah

Angela Recada said...

Oh my God, Dearest Renee . . .

I had a terrible feeling these last days. Darkness and light. Yin and yang.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Love,
xoxoxo
Angela

Michelle said...

Oh fuck Renee.....oh fucking fuck.

What other word is there.

Loving you

xxx

Marion said...

Oh, Renee! I'm so sorry to hear the news about your sweet nephew. He's just too young, too young to have to deal with all this. Thank goodness they didn't have to remove his stomach...

I'm glad your Mom is feeling better. I don't know what it is about 3's but I've always heard the superstition that bad luck comes in 3's. Hang in there. Blessings & Healing Prayers to You & Your Family....

Sarah said...

Oh Renee poor you and your family. It seems so unfair that all these things are happening to you all. I really hope everything turns out ok xx

leks said...

Oh darling Renee,take care please,Im with you in my thoughts and my dreams,whish you all the best of best,love and hugs,Sandra.

Bonnie, Original Heart Studio said...

Oh Renee - my heart goes out to you. This must be overwhelming. Hopefully all your experience in this realm will help you cope.

When situations get this serious we do not have the power to intervene or help - but we do have the power of love -- and all the comments I have read sent to you, and about you, say you are richly endowed with this capacity to love. So Mom and nephew are lucky to have so much love available for them in their difficult times. This is no little thing - the love you have to give them.

I send YOU love too - in hopes that it might buoy you up just a little. I don't need a response. Save your energy for where it is most needed.
Love and light, Bonnie

Karin Bartimole said...

Dearest Renee, you know i'm praying with all my heart for the best outcome moving forward. You and your family are the strongest most courageous among us, walking through the fires with grace, showing us all how it's done. I send you love, and peace above the turmoil this physical world demands. I love you, Karin

yoborobo said...

I am without words. I am not a religious person, Renee, but I will pray hard for your nephew. It's too much. My love to you, stay strong. xox Pam

lakeviewer said...

Oh No! Things seem to come in threes, in a swarm. Take a deep breath, count and sing. Tomorrow, things will slow down and life will return to normal. I will send prayers and good wishes your way, for your family, for you, for the clouds to pass.

Arija said...

My dear Renee...what can one say...
that was entirely my attitude as well when I was diagnosed, thank God it is me and statistically that
that much safer for three other members of the family, and yet, we none of us know the when and whyfor of our destiny. I do hope all goes well, at least it was three nasty thngs, so there should be no others for quite some time.
Chin up and hang on to the thread of hope that they all will be better than anyone would expect.

pinkglitterfae said...

oh my gosh Renee! I am so sad to read this, but it sounds like your mom will be ok, and it sounds hopeful for your nephew too. All I can say is thank goodness they have you to lean on. You have gone through much, and I know you are strong. Expect the best Renee, know that things will work out for the best.
Sending healing prayers to you and your family xoxo
betty

Silver said...

NO. YOU most certainly CANNOT be.

Don't let this beat up your spirit. You need to be well too.

love,
~Silver

Deborah said...

Jesus, Who has said, Ask and it shall be given you; seek and ye shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you. Through the Divine intervention of Thy Most Holy Mother Mary, I knock, I seek, I ask that my prayer be granted. Heal Renee's mother and Nephew and add many years to Renee's life. In your Most Holy Name, I pray.

Micki said...

Sending you love and hope!

Micki x

Wendy said...

What is going on in this world??? When stuff like this happens, I feel there is something wrong energetically. Usually you can feel it in the air. Things will change - and for the better, I can feel it.

Oh, I know the temptation to be the pound of flesh. When it comes to the younger members of our family. But I agree with PurestGreen - you are the strength here. You are definitely needed - and will be the rock for the rest of the family.
Hugs and prayers.

Snowbrush said...

I am very sorry for your troubles. I am also glad that you have family to care about and to care about you. Life is suffering whether alone or with others, but I would prefer to do it with others.

Holly said...

dear God almighty - enough is enough...i am grieving right along with you...this is too much to bear and i am so very, very sorry....surround yourself with love, as best you can my dear friend....

Noreen said...

Renee, as if you don't have enough to deal with. I'm so sorry.

Big hugs, Noreen

Linda Sue said...

Pound of flesh is such bullshit...what entity would ever demand that unless he was really hungry and had run out of vegan options...
My heart got all swollen reading your post, wish I could help. I do hope that you are taking care of stress level for Renee in all of this. You really do not need to be stressed. Take it easy, you with shoulders so big you seem to carry the universe- figuratively, you understand...LOVE YOU thinking of you!

TheChicGeek said...

Renee, I will keep you all in my prayers that now 3 wonderful miracles are coming...
xox
Kelly

Pattee said...

My dear Renee.....
I am reading this once again and thinking how could my wonderful beautiful friend be hurting so..
Your family, your nephew, your sister and mom...
YOU....
I can not and I'll say it again, I can not fucking believe this happening... and yet it is....

I'm holding you and your family in my heart.
Love
Pattee

Marie S said...

Oh Renee I am so sorry. No trades, I want you all to be better.
Holding you all in my heart with love.
Love you,
Marie

Lola said...

Renee,
I just popped in to say hi and I am inundated by a wave of sad, preoccupying and heartbreaking news. I don't know how you manage to post and share it with us. It shows me one more time how strong and incredible you are. My heart is with you and my prayers are all towards the healing of your loved ones, young and old.
I feel helpless and stupid, with my little problems.

You have to be well too, so try not to let this wear you out, ok? Easy for me to say...
I love you,
Lola xx

studio lolo said...

My first day back online and I read this, holy shit.

I wish there was something I could do for you and your family. I guess all I can do is be here for you as a shoulder to cry on and to tell you I love you and I've missed you.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

love you~

Laurel

glorv1 said...

Thoughts and prayers are with you and yours all the way. Time to be strong Renee, or stronger as the case may be. I send you good vibes and a whisper of "get well" to you and yours. God is there.

Elizabeth said...

Oh, good God. I am in tears for you, as well. And for your family. I pray that you will all find strength to deal with all of this. I don't know you but think you will. Much love and peace and strength and fortitude your way. If there's anything we can do out here, please let us know.

Ginaagain said...

(((Renee))) Live with love, live with hope. Your life gives your family strength to face these challenges and overcome them.

Eddie Bluelights said...

"I am willing to be the pound of flesh, just leave him alone."

Renee, how wonderful for you to even think it let alone offer it - but there is no need for you to do this - there is no 'price to pay' or sacrifice to make in order to save another loved one. It is all in the lottery of life which often hits us like a tornado for no apparent reason. Oh how cruel life can be and you are such a loving and gentle person from wwhere I stand.
I will pray for you and your family and I want with all my being for this dark cloud to pass you by. May God bless you ~ Eddie x

Meghann LittleStudio said...

Oh God Renee, I am so sorry to read this, your family has enough to deal with! I will pray for all of you and add you to my prayer lists.
I send you hugs and positive thoughts.
Meg xoxo

Debra said...

Okay I am here with tears. I was remembering the day they told me my son (the 25) had non-hodgkins lymphoma. I could not breathe and for a few moments everything stopped. My son had called me at work to tell me. I stood up and grabbed my purse and left.
I know this pain and my heart and constant prayers go out to you and your family.
Last week my daughter was told she has another lump in her breast and she has to have it checked. I wonder sometimes if the bad news that seems to come in waves like this ever ends? You have had so much happen so fast. They say God doesn't give you more than you can handle. Well, I am saying I wonder why he hasn't heard me say "enough"? Bless and keep you and yours, I will be thinking about your nephew, mom, and sister in my prayers.

ruthie said...

dear renee, sending you love by the bucket load. x x x x

Artistic Accents by Darla said...

Ohhh Renee~! I just don't know what to say. I'm so sorry you and your family are having to deal with so much. Way more than any one family should have to go through.
Please just know you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers and I will continue to keep you there as well as your family♥♥
Love, Darla

Baino said...

Oh Renee, right at your time of such happiness. It just doesn't seem fair does it. That poor young man. Such a shock . . I really hope they find it's something else, something more innocuous.

Sara Williams said...

Sending you and yours love and light xx

soulbrush said...

i am in total shock sitting here reading this, and my heart feels like someone has just thrown a bucket of stones in it. how can this be? enough is enough...and you are still a believer...? i am with you in thoughts and love.

Debbie said...

Oh Renee, my heart just goes out to you. I will keep you and your entire family in my prayers.

Jaliya said...

(Wordless)

LOVE & PRAYERS

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

secret agent woman said...

Oh, boy. I know that impulse - I wished so fervently to be able to take on my osn's brain surgery for him. But you aren't given that option. You can be there for your sister and nephew, though, and that is worth a lot. Holding all of you in my heart.

karengberger said...

Renee...there are no words adequate to this, except: I am so sorry. I hope you will remember to breathe; any one of these things would be PLENTY to deal with, but the combination would take my breath away.
I am sending love, and prayers that the love, healing & comfort of God will be a FELT PRESENCE with each member of your family, especially you!

Caroline said...

Wow, I am in tears too! Sometimes life can kick you in the gut! And all we can do is remember to breathe, remember to take it one moment at a time. You can't do anything but breathe and make it through another day for those around you. Write, paint, get it all out, release your emotions till there are no more.
Make sure you don't repress them!
and remember to breathe.
I will be praying and sending healing energy your way!
love caroline

Ribbon said...

Horrible news :(
F**k the pound of flesh... that's old school and does nobody any good.
Extra big love to you all.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Sonia ;) said...

Renee please know I am here for you..Please lean on me to cry screamor punch......I trust all will be well

xoxoxoxoxox Sonia

Silver said...

You are going to meditate on all goodness, love, beauty and be enveloped in healing energies and peace.

You were in my thoughts the last thing when i went to bed last night and first, this morning.I'm going to think that many people who love you around the globe are too.

Prayers are going your way for your loved ones and you.


love,
~Silver

kj said...

renee, i just wrote you a book of words and love and i think blogger may have eaten it up. but i'm not sure. i'll be looking to see if my comment appears and if it doesn't i'll leave another comment.

just in case: my point was there was a time not that long ago when it would have seemed impossible that you would and could be here to comfort your family. don't forget that part. you are here and strong and you are able to love and give strength to those who need you.

no small gift.

love you
kj

nollyposh said...

Oh dear Renee, You don't need to... You know why you are in this life... YOU are the shining star...
~Just BE that beautiful light in the darkness~ Love to you all xox

Daria said...

I'm so sorry ...

linda cardina said...

dear renee,

i am so sorry to hear this. please stay strong renee. things are going to be okay. u will be your nephew's biggest inspiration and strength. look what u are conquering ...your nephew can do the same.

love u sweet renee.
xox
linda

ps i'm glad to hear your mom is doing better.

Sue said...

Renee, I think Michelle in her comment above, said it all.

I just want to add, with all the people that love and care for you sending prayers and special thoughts your way in regards to your mom and nephew, I have faith that both will come through this.

Hugs to you my friend

Julie said...

Renee...I am so terribly sorry. I will say a prayer for your nephew and for you that you continue to have all the strength that you amazingly do. xxxxx

Ces said...

Oh Renee, I am thinking of you and your family and just pray that everyone will be well. Take care.

Ces said...

Renee, at the Medical center, we have a billboard in front of the cancer center that shows the photograph a man, woman or child who is featured for the week. They post the name with the patient/model and then the patient's cancer diagnosis that has been crossed out and one of the models had lymphoma crossed out beside his photograph!

Caroline said...

Dear Renee
I am so very sorry to read this news about your family. I send you an extra big strengthening hug - you will be in my thoughts.
Love Caroline

Marie said...

Oh Renee, this is so sad. I am adding yoru nephew to my prayers, as well as your sister and mum. (((hugs))) I wish they would find a cure for this despicable disease.

A Cuban In London said...

After I read your post I wanted to be there physically present and give you a big bear hug. I'm so sorry to read about these family misfortunes. I wish you and your family the better of outcomes. You're such a strong person, you are.

Greetings from London.

A Spoonful Of Sugar said...

Renee - you and your wonderful family are in our thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself - you are obviously such a tower of strength for those around you.

Polly said...

I am so sorry all of this is happening to you all at once. How much can one person handle. I hope you're keeping well and please don't wish you were a pound of flesh, they do need your strenght to carry on... My prayers and good wishes to you and those you love - Polly x

kathy hare said...

Oh Renee, I wish you strength my friend.. your family are in my thoughts and prayers.. life is so bloody hard sometimes.. love you Darling..
Kath
XOXOXO

Tammy said...

Dear Renee,
I am so sorry to hear your family is ill.
My Heart aches for you and your loved ones.
Life can be so NOT FAIR to good people.
I completely agree with Purest Green, your family needs you, and your amazing strength.
Renee you are all in my prayers.
Please Lord, Bless this family in this time of need. Grant strength and wellness.AMEN
Many Hugs, and Blessings.
Love
Tammy

kj said...

praying praying
the basket of family
and friendship
spilling over
with love

Marie Antionette said...

May God bless your sweet soul.I will do alot of praying for all of you.Life is so hard,its easy to say I give up.It takes alot of strengt to be able to cope with it all.I don't really know you,but I believe you are a very strong woman and will keep it all together for your families sake.You can do this.
May God bless you all.XXOO Marie Antionette

Deanna said...

Stay strong Renee. My thoughts are with you all.

Love
Deanna

Karin Bartimole said...

morning love renee, just wanting to let you know that i am keeping the the vision of a conduit of healing light and love flowing to you and your family. always on my mind and in my heart, sending love, xox k

Allegra Smith said...

My flesh is not truly valuable these days as you know, but I am willing to offer some as well. At 25 the world is still new and yet to be explored.
At fifty and even at ninety, but at 25 he will be cured and live to see everything of beauty. My heart goes to you, and by the way, I am in.

Madtexter said...

My goodness. When it rains it pours. All best to you and yours. Remember, it can rain good things, too!

Liz said...

I have no words, only tears, prayers,and hope. I love you all deeply.

Clarity said...

Dear Renee,

You are a dear soul, be strong, be strong and hope for the best. Your family has been through a lot together, they are a strong unit. Your nephew is young and is at that age where he can heal himself nearly. Don't be afraid. My prayers are with you. I mentioned you in my blog and I described you in one word, exactly as I see you. Peace, love, xxx

Ingrid Mida said...

Dear Renee,
I am so sorry to such sad news about your family. May you continue to have hope, faith and courage. Sending my love and best wishes your way.

Jenniwren said...

Oh Renee......you are so strong...your family is going through so much at the moment. I wish I could do or say something to help.
All my thoughts and best wishes are with you and yours.
Jenni XOXO

Yvonne Anderson said...

Thinking of you always Renee...sweet sweet Renee.

yoborobo said...

Hi Renee - I'm just checking in. I've been thinking about you all day. No need to post this, or answer me, I know you are in the middle of it all. I said my prayers, and will repeat and repeat and repeat. Much love to you and your family. xox Pam

Draffin Bears said...

Dear Renee,

This is just not fair. So very, very sorry.
You and your family are much in my thoughts and prayers.
Wishing for a miracle for you all, we really need to hear good news, for your family.

Sending hugs and positive thoughts and vibes.
Carolyn xo

one little acorn said...

Love and healing to you and your family... words seem so inadequate. Sending you lots of love and thinking of you and hoping hoping hoping for rays of sunshine in your lives. xxx.

Mim said...

Bad things do come in 3's - so at least it should be over now. Recovery stage comes slowly.
Much love and wishes and everything else to you and your family.
Will be thinking of you all day - be well

Woman in a Window said...

OOohhh, Renee.
Renee.
25.
Your mom.
You.
What is there to say to any of this? E-fucken-nuf.
much love
xo
erin

The good life said...

Renee,
Yes that Cancer is curable.
My friends Mom had the same cancer and her stomach was removed. that was 10 years ago and she is doing perfectly fine, eating as before the cancer was diagnosed.
Apparently the doctor said if you have to get cancer this is the one you would rather get

Debra said...

Renee, It would be fine with me if your sister needs any moral support I would be happy to help. I am adding him to my thoughts and prayers, hoping they caught it early and that he will be fine.
Take care.

Marie S said...

Thanks Renee.
I hope all is well going your way!! I think about you everyday and wrap you and your family in mind hugs every time I think of you!

mermaid said...

So much suffering. Keep writing and feeling and expressing. For them. For you.

Bobbi said...

Oh Renee, I'm so very sorry to hear all of this! My heart goes out to you and to your family! Hold on to the word "curable" an d try to be strong for those that need you. My prayers and warmest thoughts are with you and your family.
Hugs to you...
Bobbi

Prometheus said...

My prayers are out to your family. For every person you make happy by being the pound of flesh you make the same amount or more unhappy. But I can understand why you might feel like that.

Hang in there xxx

Best wishes!!

Mim said...

Thinking of you....

kj said...

prayers...

Sonia ;) said...

Renee....

Lovey I am so sorry for all the drama and traumatic events in your life right now. I would be feeling the same way. Stand strong..you have a way of helping others to heal, and stand strong also. Im here if you need to vent in any way.

Love you...
Sonia xoxoxo

Jessica said...

Renee:

Having just read your blog for the very first time (via Purest Green), all I can send is L.O.V.E.

And the image circling in my mind is of Miranda from the Tempest, purity & beauty in her obstinacy.

dragonflydreamer said...

I read all of the posts about the recent events within your family and realize I do feel angry about what you and the people you love are going through. I've been stuffing the anger and feelings of unfairness for years, but now I cannot hold it back. Why do the evil, horrible people seem to coast through life while so many good people who do so much good in life have to suffer? The power of love and healing thoughts from all of us to all of you!