Wednesday, 22 July 2009

Times Three No. 2

Proof that only bad things happen to good people.


Nathan ‘Mom, Auntie Jacquie called and wants to know if we want to go see her and Sheldon, so we need to go right away.’

We go, Nathan shaves Sheldon’s head and we take pictures and laugh our heads off. They hang out in the pool. Jacquie and I whisper our fears and then quickly remind each other of hope and what the results better be.


Two a.m. and Nathan says ‘Mom, you have to get up, Auntie Jacquie called and we have to rush back to the hospital the ambulance is at her house.’

I fly out of bed and brush my teeth and comb my hair and shove on the clothes that are lying on the floor.

Nathan turns to Jacquie’s house and I ask “Where are you going, we have to go to the hospital?” ‘Auntie Jacquie said to stop at her house first.’

Ambulance and fire truck are outside. We park on the street and I run in the rain while lightning is flashing.

I run in the house and I see Sheldon standing in the hall. I am completely disoriented by this “Sheldon what are you doing standing?” ‘It’s not for me Auntie Renee.” I see his Dad standing around the corner. I look in the bedroom and Jacquie is being put on the stretcher.

Jacquie is clear and wise and calm and brave and telling them what is wrong.

I go tell Nathan to come in the house and that he will stay with Sheldon but if Sheldon looks dizzy or feels faint to call 911. Gilbert and I drive to the hospital.

Jacquie can not move her left side of her body. They have been doing the tests, she had a CT scan earlier in June and the neurologist said that it wasn’t her brain. They think she is not getting enough oxygen to the spine. MIR will need to be done.

At 6:30 a.m. I call Mickey to come and stay with Jacquie because I am dead tired and need to go home and sleep. Wahid picks me up, and I sleep for two hours.

I have to be back at the hospital because I have my own cancer appointment and will be there for two hours getting pamidronite.

I get my treatment and then go see Jacquie. Jacquie is numb on her whole side and can’t move. We wait.

I go see my Mom who is still quarantined. They have lost her swab to test for H1N1 so she needs a new one and will have to stay in quarantine for ten more days.

I go to Angelique’s for lunch and phone to set up the appointments for Sheldon with surgery and oncology.

I am back down with Jacquie, I am very worried. The doctor comes in and tells her oldest son and I that they are transferring her to Health Sciences.

The CT scan that was clean was not so clean after all. The MIR shows a brain tumor over four centimeters. Jacquie is calm. Jacquie is cool as a cucumber. Jacquie doesn’t care because she is thinking of her young son.

They are transferring Jacquie by ambulance and I am to go with her. I climb in the ambulance and sit beside Jacquie. We talk; she just wants to make sure Sheldon is okay. I tell her he will be. I tell her he is my son once removed and I will make him my priority until she is back on her feet.

Nothing is real. I am in the twilight zone.

We get out of the ambulance and I trot behind the men pushing Jacquie. We wait, we get taken to another room, and they do an EKG. Her heart is good. Because her left side is numb she is slumping. The nurse moves her over and Jacquie felt she was going to fall off the bed. Jacquie says ‘Be careful, you almost pushed me off the fucking bed.’ The nurse looks offended. I tell Jacquie she only feels that way, but there is lots of room.

Jacquie’s left side is numb and the bed she is on is broken. We get left alone for ten minutes and Jacquie is slumping on the bed. I am holding her with both arms and pushing her so she doesn’t fall. She is saying that she is in pain and can’t take anymore. I am laughing my head off. She starts laughing her head off. We are both so god damn tired, and so she continues and keeps making me laugh. I have a sore stomach because she is making me laugh. ‘Honest to God Renee, I am about to snap!’

The doctor sees us and tells us the top surgeon will see her in the morning. They will have to do a biopsy of the tumor. They will cut her head and take out the bone, take out a piece of the tumor and put the bone back on.


It is 12:30 a.m. I get home and go to bed.

I get picked up for the hospital at 6:30 a.m. so that Jacquie’s husband and I can get to the appointment to see the top surgeon.

He comes to talk to Jacquie at 7:10 a.m.

Not good news. They think it is cancer. The biopsy will tell us. The doctor asks Jacquie if she has any questions. She has some, but sounds as calm as if she was asking what kind of mustard he was going to put on her sandwich.

Jacquie is calm and brave and in shut-down mode.

(I was just thinking is it only Tuesday, but its not it is now Wednesday at 12:33 a.m.)

I stay till 4 p.m. but I must go home and have a sleep. I hate that my darling sister has this. I don’t think I can stand anymore.

Is this a cosmic joke? Are we the laughingstock of the universe? Do you want me to say “Uncle?”

I fall asleep at 6 p.m. and wake up at 8 p.m. Ben has called me and Sheldon has been rushed back to St. Boniface. Colette and I go to the hospital.

His blood is back down to 69 but when the surgeon came in; he said they don’t think it is internal bleeding again. They give him another blood transfusion.

Joey is going to sleep the night at the hospital with Sheldon; I tell him I need to go to bed but will be up first thing in the morning.

“I love you Sheldon.” ‘I love you too Auntie Renee.’

My Mom is lying in a hospital bed thinking of her daughter and grandson. Please send all your prayers and positive energy to my dear Mom.

Sheldon should have his results in a week. Please send all your prayers and positive energy to our dear boy.

Jacquie will have her surgery on Thursday. Please send all your prayers and positive energy to my dear sister.

I love you Mom.

I love you Sheldon.

Oh my God Jacquie, how I love you.


Michelle said...

Oh Renee! I have no words, but everything else I have I am sending to you and yours

Love you


Sarah said...

Oh no!-I have no sensible words but I will send all my positive thoughts to all of you. Stay strong Renee-I am sure you can for them all and they for you.
Lots of love, Sarahxx

PurestGreen said...

All I can feel is angry. I want this to stop happening to you. Just STOP! It's like you're standing under a magnifying glass in the sun. I'm typing and feel completely helpless. I wish I could cook you something, take over the running of your house so you could just do what you needed to do and be waited on the rest of the time. Dammit Renee. I'm so sorry. Strength. Strength.

Julie said...

Oh sweet Renee ~ I am so sorry and I will say vigilant prayers for you all starting right now.

Julie Fillo said...

I just can't believe this. I'm speechless, I feel helpless. I'm just so sorry.

Ribbon said...

words don't seem enough at this time.
big love to you all and yes prayers will be said in your honour.


Yvonne Anderson said...


Gosh, I am sending every bit of energy I have to you. Positivity and light and love and everything else I have in me.

Please be sure to look after yourself though. It is important as you can only be there for others if you look after you....

Don't know what else to say...

Thinking of you all xx

Jaliya said...

Oh, Renee ... What is there to say to all this? Your resilience and generosity for your loved ones in the face of your own illness is so beautiful ... What comes through to me is an astonishing strength, and massive love ... and of course, there are times when there is nothing left to do but laugh our heads off, eh?

Prayers and positive energy and lots of love beaming your way ... xoxo

Anonymous said...

I will pray for your family Renee. This all seems so unfair. These are beautiful and wonderful people. It breaks my heart. Take care.

Debra said...

OMG I pray, hope, wish, this stops. I wil pray for all of you. I read how close you are to your sister. For her to go thru this her son, you, and now herself. Dear Lord have mercy! Renee I often wonder if some of aren't God's designated whipping boy's? I feel so much for you, it has been so unfair and just overwhelming. I am there with you (we are dealing with another lump on my daughters breast), I will be offering up prayers for your whole family. Give your sister a big hug for me and your nephew too. May God look with love and mercy upon you and yours.

Bailey said...

Positive energy and much love all the way from Melbourne.


pRiyA said...

Sending all the prayers and positive energy possible.

Micki said...

Renee, my love and thoughts are with you and your family right now.
Today is my wedding anniversary and I have a lot of love in me, i'm sending it all to you guys.

Micki x

A Spoonful Of Sugar said...

OMG Renee - I am so sorry to hear about Jacquie - continuing to send lots of prayers to you and yours. Hope you get some better news soon. Take care.

Anonymous me said...

Oh Renee, what a time you are having of it. All my thoughts and prayers are with you, your mum, Sheldon and Jacquie. Please try to get any rest you can. xxJ

leks said...

Renee,plese stay well,Love you and loads of good love to all of you.Aleksandra

Rikkij said...

Renee- I don't know where you get the super human strength to endure so much but I hope that well never runs dry. And then I look at the stuff I bitch about. Sheesh!
Praying for you in everything. ~rick

Silver said...

Frankly, any hospital image will automatically transport me to that zone like i am still trapped there- i feel like a silent bystander, watching you and your loved ones going through this and how dreadfully tiring and awful it all is.

i am standing in the corner and offering prayers of healing and peace..


Delwyn said...

My thoughts are with you and your family Renee

Much love Delwyn

one little acorn said...

How can this be happening to you and your family Renee? How much does one need to go through before they 'get a break'?
I am sending all the positivity I can your way and hope that every bit of support and love reaches the target and the news starts to improve. Love to you and all of your family. I wish there was something more I could do...
Love. xx

secret agent woman said...

Oh my God, Renee, that's too much to deal with. Far too much. My thoughts are with you mother and nephew and sister, of course. And with you. I'm holding all of you in my heart.

Baino said...

Oh for fuck's sakes! This makes my troubles look like a walk in the park and you deserve all the prayers you can get. This is why I don't believe in an interventionist God. Because shit DOES happen to good people. Awful. Just awful. Renee I can't tell you how much I feel for what you are going through let alone what you family is suffering. I'm not going to say 'be strong', because sometimes it's just bloody impossible although you are without doubt one of the most courageous people I know.

Thank goodness you have the courage to write and get it off your chest to some extent and I really, really, hope you take some solace from the many people who comment here and care so much for you and your family's plight. It's fucked totally.

I'm crossed between anger and sadness and empathy - and I feel so badly for you all. I don't pray but I will give you all the energy I can muster to get through this terrible time. 'Stressful' doesn't cut it. Hold those you love ..tight! Big, big love from the bottom of the planet and you've got my email if you need it or Skype me when you can on baino1610. There are no expletives for this. I'm stunned so please forgive the diatribe. You're in my thoughts you sweet thing.

Tammy said...

Dearest Renee,
I am in tears reading this, My dear I will pray so hard for you all, as you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Why the Fuck does this happen to good people, so not fair..
Many Hugs and Prayers.

studio lolo said...

Dearest, bravest Raven sister...I felt something else was wrong.
Jesus Christ Renee, honestly, what next? How much can one family endure?

I'm praying like crazy for all of you and will continue to do so.

Please tell your mom to be strong.
Tell Sheldon to hang on and not to add worry to his illness.
And tell Jacquie her baby boy's chances are very good and that he'll be fine. She needs her strength to fight this thing that has invaded her brain and her life.

I'm here for you.
I love you.


Anonymous said...

Thinking it is too much to take and afraid to look around the corner, that monster is really with us, God, please look after these pople we love so much. Jacquie keep that good, postive spirit and keep well my lovely sister, Sheldon, love you to bits and it is beatable as your mom says, love you to the moon and back, "Together Strong"! And as mom always says, "Every day and in every way, I will get Better" GET BETTER!! All of you.

RENEE: to you, do what you can and look after yourself, for I have 4 sick people and as you know from my display of anger, I am obviously living in shock and disbelief now.....

GOD, please help my Nephew, my Mom and my sisters.

I love you all and please help this care-taker (Renee) to look after her energy and herself too.


All prayers appreciated.

Love Colette

ps: One with cancer was one too many!

Deanna said...

Oh Renee, Oh Renee...what could there possibly be for anyone to say. Please know I'm thinking of you all.


Anonymous said...

Oh Renee, I am SO sorry! I don't know what else to say. My heart goes out to all of you.
That Jacquie sounds like one strong woman. I am sending prayers and good wishes to you and your family at this oh so difficult time.
love and hugs to you

Ingrid Mida said...

Dear Renee,
I am so sorry. I am praying hard and sending my love to you and your family.

Bonnie, Original Heart Studio said...

I am stunned. How can all this be happening in one family at one time? The injustice of it all. Makes me want to scream into space that "THIS MUST STOP NOW".

I'm sure all who read this post will be doing exactly as you ask Renee. As well, I am sending you strength and love and hope it reaches you across the miles.

Just take one step at a time - that's all you can do. You cannot change things for your aunt or nephew, you can just be there as your own body allows. Keep rallying the troops.

Forgive my banal, cliched attempts to help with trite advice. Words fail.

Renee you are in my thoughts.

Love and light, Bonnie

Great-Granny Grandma said...

I am so sorry, Renee. Will definitely be praying for all of you.

kj said...

this is the longest furthest most tender and defiant hug i have ever given.

oh renee. from a recent post of mine, even then thinking of you:

let love do the heavy lifting.

you have to take care of yourself. renee, you have to do this too.



yoborobo said...

Renee, there is no sense in all of this. I keep trying to make sense of it, but there isn't any. You are good, loving people, and this shouldn't happen. SHOULD NOT. I will pray for some relief from this madness. I will pray for the physical healing of your family. My love to you, Renee. I am so sad for you.

Stef H (Glitterbabe) said...

i am a friend of Debra from It's all good and i have read your story. i am soooooo very sorry for your troubles and i just want you to know i am praying for all of you. i just keep remembering this saying....

GOD does not give you more than HE knows you can handle!

and sometimes i think.... who is HE kidding!

but i'm praying for you.


Julie said...

Oh my god Renee, I will definitely pray. In the midst of all this, please take care of yourself too!

Angela Recada said...

Oh my God Renee . . .

I'm so sorry . . .

I'm sending you all the positive thoughts, energy and prayers I've got. Take care, dear one . . .


Marion said...

Oh, Renee, words seem so pathetically inadequate at a time like this. I love you and am praying for your precious family. I just boo-hooed when I read about your sister...I wanted to stomp my feet and shake my fist at the ceiling and scream, "NO MORE!!!!" Be strong, hold our hands and know that you are not alone in this. Blessings, Healing Prayers and Love coming your way...

glorv1 said...

Oh geez Renee. I am so sorry for all this that is coming upon you and your family. I woke up this morning and let Chocolatte out in the front. The front yard faces East and so the sun is coming up when she goes out or getting ready to make it's show. I sit at the porch and wait for her and at that time I say my prayers. I ask God to forgive me my past and present sins and to watch over my family. I thank him for everything and tell him that I don't take anything for granted. I ask to be a better wife and tell him how much I miss my son, my dad, and my doggie Chorizo. As of late I have also been asking him to watch over you and your family and I asked him again this morning to watch over you and your family and then I come and read this. I really am so sorry Renee. I send good wishes and good vibes to you and yours and of course my thoughts are with you.

Marie S said...

I am praying like I have never prayed before. For all of you!!Renee I love you, hang in there!!! Love and huge hugs,

Sonia ;) said...

Everyone is in my prayers, and thoughts. Thank god they have a strong person to guide them through all this. Sheldon, Mom, and Jacquie are all on my order for every blessing I have. Please keep me informed and all of us here. We love you and want all the best for your family.

Hugs, Loves, and Prayers
xoxoxoxoxox Sonia

Kelly Kilmer said...

Sending lots of love and good thoughts to you and yours...

Deborah said...

Blessed be God forever, blessed be His Holy Name. In the Name of Jesus I pray, send physical healing to this beloved family. You, Lord, know how well this family represents your love. Miracles are needs here. Send your peace and guide the hands of the surgeon. Mother Mary, please sit with Renee's Mommy today. I ask all this in the Name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

karengberger said...

Dear Renee, what an unbelievably awful string of events. I am so very sorry that your family is experiencing all of this hell.

The beautiful love which all of you share is evident, even through this maze of craziness. Your presence, dedication, support, humor, strength and concern are all great blessings, and I see them plainly, right in this posting.
Prayers and love are going out right now for your family, your caregivers, and for you, dear Renee. You are not alone. XOXO

Linda Sue said...

Oh Renee! I don't even know....
LOVE and loads of it...

Sarah said...

OMG Renee..I'm speechless and heart sick for you and yours!! I will send healing energy and calm to you all!!
Dear heart hang in there - I'm pulling for you!!
Love you, Sarah

Stepping off the edge said...

my dear sweet Renee; my heart weeps for you and the trials you are forced to face. You are not alone. Every ounce of goodness and healing I have is heading towards you and yours. Don't give up.
much love.

Sara Williams said...

Oh Renee, I am so sorry for you and your family, it just is not fair! I will pray for you all and send out healing thoughts

Meghann LittleStudio said...

Dear God Renee, you have my prayers, my thoughts, my goosebumps. God will hold you through all of this. I don't know how hard this is for you, I've never been through as much as you, but He is helping you (I know it doesn't always feel like that, but He is). We are all praying for you and your family here in Blogland, please make sure you take care of yourself so that you will be able to help your family also.
I am praying for you, I am hugging you right now, with big, gentle, loving hugs - the ones that make you feel like a little kid again, getting hugged after you scraped your knee.
I hope today gets better for you.
Hugs and prayers,
Meg xoxo

Beth said...

I am sending positive thoughts and prayers for your mom, sister, nephew, and YOU. This is too much, I hope you can go see your new grandson for a little cuddle. Take care...

Karin Bartimole said...

words, no words my Dearest Renee, only love, prayers, and light - wave upon wave upon wave of love and light to you, your mother, your Sheldon, your beloved Jacquie...

Artistic Accents by Darla said...

Oh Lord, Renee. Again, I'm speechless. It seems as if this is a novel, fiction that just couldn't be happening in real life.
I'm so, so, so sorry for you and yours.

You are ALL in my prayers! Hang in there, we are all here for you♥♥♥
I wish I were closer and I wish I could help!

Daria said...

Oh Renee, what is going on? How much more can a family take? How much more can you take?

I'm sending positive healing thoughts to you and your family.

Suzy said...

I am here from Purest Green. I know it's pointless to say that God only gives you what you can handle because where the hell IS GOD right now?

I will keep you all in my prayers. Laughing is good. VERY good.

Terri said...

I'm just one more person in a list of persons that you don't know along with all those who do know that have you in their thoughts and are praying for each one of your family members and you right now.

Sue said...

OMG, Renee, I just don't believe this - it is too much.

Sending all the positive energy and prayers to your mom, Sheldon and Jacqui.

God bless you all.

Elizabeth said...

There are no words. Or perhaps the words are shit, ##&&$, etc.

And there is nothing but laughter and laughing and above all, love.

And there are prayers and they are sent your way.

Much love and strength to you and all of yours, Renee.

Rebecca Ramsey said...

I'll be praying for your family!
Hugs to you!

Lakeland Jo said...

I have popped across from Karen's blog to say hi and to say we are praying for you here in England in the Lake District. I have been through my own cancer journies and I know how challenging and tiring it all is. Keep strong and keep the faith

Manon Doyle said...

Oh Renee,
There are no words. I pray for your whole family everyday. I'm sending all the positive energy I can!

Stay strong.... I know you are strong!!


KBL 2 ORD 2 SAN 2 LUV said...

Jacquie, Mom, and and your quick return to health are in my prayers. Very much so.

Just came over from Karen's blog and haven't stopped gasping as I read your most recent posts. Goodness, it is being taken out in pounds of flesh on you right now, isn't it? All I can write is that you have a community out here that is praying and supporting you and your loved ones. I hope that even if in some tiny, tiny fragment of a second our prayers and thoughts console you, that it is at least something you feel and know.

I'm so sorry for all that you are asked to endure right now. Hang in there.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Karen Sent me over...I am so sorry your family has been burdened by so much illness.
I am adding your family to my daily prayers. Peace and comfort be with you all...
wish you the best right now.

Clarity said...

Dear Renee,

Praying so much for you and your close family. I can only ask, stay strong and know that love and support is coming in ways you don't know how. Stay strong Renee, you are a good person and a rock. All will be well. Hope is the best medicine they can have. Love, peace, xxx.

Holly said...

my heart is aching, my arms are empty and i feel that i have nothing to offer you but my love and my prayers...they are both with you, your mom, Sheldon and dearest Jacquie....

Allegra Smith said...

Because I believe in the power of positive thinking I am only thinking positive things about all of you. Things are going to be fine, not just because of positive thinking. Look at it this way: both cases are not only operable but treatable. They were caught before they went their way into something else. People survive cancer and many other difficult things that years ago would have been a death sentence. You are not alone and love is a powerful weapon against all odds. I know you use it constantly and well and so do I. When it comes to help you fight with hope and love, I got your back.

Noreen said...

I am so sorry Renee. I am lost for words.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this challenging time.

Pattee said...

My dearest Renee,

I almost don't know what to say...
The tragedy that has hit your family...
It's really almost unbelievable....

It sure seems like "only bad things happen to good people" is true in this situation.

Getting woken up out of a deep sleep with alarming news is always scary and confusing.

Your poor precious sister that is sounding so strong. (I'd be screaming) being wheeled away in an ambulance.. My first thought is she had a stoke. But no. To find out it a it's a brain tumor is devastating.

Then you having your own cancer treatments....

Your poor mom... all these things happening around her family and she can't even see them or comfort them agonizing.

Twilight Zone.......: (

I can't believe you and sister laughing... a way to release tension... and love.

That's just Monday.

Shut down mode... to be sure.
I can't stand to read anymore and need some wine...

It's fucking crazy cosmic joke...crazy fucking!!!!!!!
A fucking crazy cosmic joke that you and your family do not DESERVE.

I will send my heart and prayers to your mom, your sister, your nephew and to you.

Like I said up top ... I don't know what to say...

I love you Renee and I feel like I know your wonderful family through you. Thank you I'm blessed.

Jenny S said...

Oh sweet heart!! You are in my prayers!!! I will help you yell Uncle!!!hehehe!!

A Gift Wrapped Life said...

You are always in my prayers these days, I will double them up. You must be the strongest woman in the world, which I think means you are being helped somehow. XO

Arija said...

Renee, here I am crying onto my keyboard and hoping thing sort themselves out again. There was a period of about 36hrs Tues-Wed when the universe was up to some tricks. Both my daughter and I felt it. She felt in her sleep if she did not wake up straight away she would not wake up at all and somehow ripped herselt out of it at three in the morning. When I woke in the morning I was almost wholly disconnected and it took the whole day to become earthbound again. We are both rather sensitive to these things and it seems there was a great pull to go home to the other side.

You are running yourself ragged but your poor mother who can do nothing for her daughters or grandson must really be feeling helpless.

Somewhere, somehow, something good will come out of this for your family, keep faith and don't loose heart.

I send you all masses of love and my prayers...
Hugs and Blessings galore as well.

Woman in a Window said...

Oh, love, my thoughts and prayers are so tiny in the face of all of this, but I send them, and my love too. It's yours. Your family's.

lakeviewer said...

Oh Renee, this is a major nightmare and you are all caught in this spiral. It will pass. Stay calm. Stay focused and do only what needs to be done. You do need your sleep too. They will all come out of this soon. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Lots of positive energy is being sent east, all to way to you.

Skyclad said...

my eyes only were closed

a gentle rustling through the tall weeds
each bursting bubble trembling
desire’s rosy cheeks,
days and nightmares blend
fingers drumming with impatience
the flow of time running out
along the beds, the intricate insanity of gold
disadvantage turned on pressing mines
midnight bridges over silent water
our tears are warm streams of delight
my eyes were only closed
as my toes dance
in dreams
in the beauty of the moment

For what it is worth Renee, may you find moments of tranquility empowered by your love. Here a small candle flickers into the night. May good thoughts and desires find their way to you.

Chrisy said...

Oh darlin....I cannot believe this...what you and your family are being put through...there are no words...I love you dear girl...

taylor said...

calling all angels.

Draffin Bears said...

Dear Renee,

I am really sorry to hear, more sad news from you.
I'm sending my best wishes for you and your Family, Renee.
I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.
Please look after yourself and I hope the Doctors will be able to help and heal you all.

Hugs & love
Carolyn xo

Marcheline said...

Where There Are No Chickadees sent me winging over here to let you know there are folks out here pulling for you, and sending you loads of well wishes and positive energy. Your heart may be hurting, but it's not hurting alone.

kathy hare said...

I really don'y know what to say to you....I am sending all the prayers and positive energy I can muster to you and your family Renee..
deepest love my friend..

Anonymous said...

I do for all of You, with love Kristina

Holly said...

you are loved. jacquie is loved. sheldon is loved. you are all loved and being held in thought and prayer....

Bobbi said...

Dearest Renee, I'm very sorry to you for all the tragic and horrible things that have been happening to you and to your family! I'm not sure of the words to say except that my thoughts, my love, my prayers are with you and your family! May God Bless you's and return your health to you and to your family members! May He watch over you at this time and always and show His wonderful love. Try to be strong Renee, I know that all of this seems like a terrible night-mere and I have to say it is very horrible and so sad, but please try to remain strong, your family really needs you right now. Also, try to get even a little rest, some is better then none at all. Don't beat yourself up by not sleeping. My thoughts and love and prayers are with you!
Hugs and love to you...

dragonflydreamer said...

All my love, prayers and positive energy to you, your Mom, Jacquie, and Sheldon. I have been feeling sorry for myself because my Grandmother died and left me, my Mother is terminally ill, my husband is disabled due to a spinal fusion gone wrong and is in constant pain since seven years ago when he was thirty-nine and now my son is very ill and they cannot find the primary cause. I felt like the universe had turned on us and yet I don't have the energy to be bitter and angry anymore. It's all I can do to not take a minute for granted when I can help it and realize how connected I am to the human race. Reading your blog helps me because you do what you have to do. Reading about going into shut down mode has made me realize that we must do that to get through when it all becomes too much to grasp. I pray that God will bring healing to your entire family. I believe in miracles. Right now that is one of the things that keeps me from laying down and not getting back up. You are such an amazing woman and your blog is a reality check for me. I don't understand why so much bad happens to good people and it makes life feel upside down and inside out suddenly.