During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
All together gang. ‘I’ll get right on it.’
This is how it went down in the Khan household.
Manitoba only has about two hot months then many cool months followed by many more freezing months. We do have a fireplace in which we actually have started fires but we probably have not used it in 20 years because I am afraid the house will burn down. I am afraid to start the barbeque never mind a fireplace. So you know, if it wasn’t for my irrational fear of the house blowing up I would be right on it.
When Wahid gets home from work I think he feels that he has reached a haven. We are here and he always loves that. He can rest here and be truly himself. Our haven may not have order but it certainly has rest. And you know what I do get a lift when he comes home.
Catering to Wahid’s comfort would never provide me with immense personal satisfaction. It would never give me immense personal satisfaction if he was catering to my comfort either. What does give us both immense personal satisfaction is our love and respect that we hold for each other.
During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by (Failed due to irrational fear of fire). Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too (Passed, our home is a haven). After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction (Failed, catering to anyone would never give me satisfaction).
50 comments:
It really is amazing that women swallowed and followed these guidelines.
Perhaps the manuals were written by men!
But they give us something to laugh over now.
The word verification is SUBILE
sounds appropriate - sort of cross between sublimate, subordinate, submit and nubile... just what the manual ordered...
I love these 50's housewife posts. they're so yesterday!!
I love how things go down in the Khan household. It seems to me that everything in your house is in order ;)
How are you doin' post birthday girl?
Thanks for all of your sweet words. Bailey will be 'released' from her pain tomorrow and I'll be there. Funny how this one came about. it's never easy.
Love to you sister raven, kindred spirit. I hope your day is kind and gentle to you.
xoxo
Lolo
I start giggling as soon as I see 50's Housewife Quiz...
failure's galore at this end, too - but not at having created a haven, like you :) Thankfully, we don't have to have our havens defined by the 50's or any other decade :) We had our fireplace converted to gas so now it's a flip of a switch - and I'm still too lazy. it involves opening glass doors and bending. Luckily My husband doesn't mind, and can create that kind of lift all on his own - remarkable, isn't it?!
xoxoxox Karin
Well, lucky for us emancipation came along. I would burn my damn bra if I didn't need it to stop the bruises on my knees :0)
The haven is where the heart is, not the simpering idiot in the apron.
when flipping through old 50s Reader's Digests as a child, i used to think life outside india was like those pictures - happy, beautiful people, wonderful food and sunshine.
it took a while to realize otherwise.
ps: unicorns like their seaweed soup ;-)
Imagine all the poor women in the 50's wondering what was wrong with them as they waited and waited for the feeling of satisfaction.
"I don't know Maise, it just doesn't work for me. I lit the fire and catered away but all I felt was resentment."
"Me too" her friend whispered.
Later they left their husbands and ran off together and neither woman never catered again.
the end
Amen to that, sister! Wahid is a very lucky chap...
I love these old recommendations! What a world that must have been, where one could "freshen up" in time for hubby to get home...and to clean up the children, and have them watch TV so that Daddy can relax without having to pay attention to the little monsters. Did anyone ever really live like that?
I like our real world better - you've hit it on the head.
These od housewife tips somehow make me laugh and gag at the same time. Catering while he sits there with his feet up? I don't think so. Or, as I always say: Reciprocity, man.
Ahhh ~true love~ X:-)
Well I love thse posts because they are both "ridiculous" and yet allow us time to reflect. Seriously, my husband who has monitored the thermostat and has regulated the amount of heat would propably not appreciate me burning precious firewood.
In our home the phrase "What are you going to do when winter get's here?" is heard anytime someone mentions that 'Hey, I can see my breath. Can we please have some heat sir?"
Now that he is getting older and the cold is starting to bother him, he has attempted to raise the heat a couple times. Of course now that I am older I am not only "acclimatized" to the cooler temps, but have enough "hot flashes" to heat a room at times. I tell hem "Oh no, you made us freeze for 30 years buddy, don't you dare turn it up now", this prompts a coy smile and a laugh from him. Than he reaches for a sweater....
Yeah, a warm smile is all he is getting.
How about reversing this quiz and making it the Husband Quiz? My husband, the Viking and children who love the cold, leaving the house without heat while I freeze my buns. I look like an Eskimo all bundled up. Then I threaten to skip cooking which of course doesn't do any good because they'll just prepare their own meals.
The question is, why don't I turn the heat so the house meets my comfort level? I don't know! I somehow feel that it is my husband's duty to make the temperature of the house meet my comfort needs when all I have to do is press the button.
Heaven = my family wherever we are; friends; Daisy the Dog; Snowflake sitting on our lap; Republican Congress
Oh I am scared of our fireplace too! And yesterday was hilarious :)
....I still would have liked some cake though ;-)
Hi Renee. Hope you're feeling fine today. I love these silly 50's quizzes! Fortunately for me I can sit this one out - we live in the tropics so no need to light a fire!!!
Caroline x
yep- home is already a haven- 'fire' is a boys job and catering to anyones whims is not in my computer bank of knowledge !
excellent read renee, as always xx
Ooh boy. What kind of medication were these women on?
My hubby travels a lot, and when he gets home he's likely to find me running out the door to get some me time. And he understands! I'm so glad we comfort each other.
Hi! I haven't had a "real" fireplace in years; the last three homes I've lived in have been new, and the fireplaces are all gas now. I can't remember the last time I put real wood into a fireplace and lit it with a real match--nowadays, you just flip a switch on the wall and the fire comes on! At any rate, I enjoyed your post--by the way, I finally remembered to write and tell you that I sent you a little package almost a week ago, and I hope it's arrived! Have a wonderful weekend! Hugs, Jann
Renee,
I have a fireplace, and the immense fear of burning my home down...In Texas we get maybe couple weeks of below 40 fahrenheit(ok spelling stinks)..and it is a modular home( they can burn like a match stick)...I love fireplaces as growing up in Northern Pennsylvania it was our main heat source. But this fireplace has never been used...I worry some bird may have put a nest in it...My husband laughs at me..So instead of wood in it..I have dried Huge gourds...weird I know...
I too would never be satisfied catering to someone all the time. Im a bullheaded woman, and believe its a 50/50 thing....should give you pleasure because you wanted to not because it is expected...I told my husband right off 5 yrs ago when we met...never take what I do for granted, I choose to do what I do, if I should get occupied or dont feel like it no pouting....cuz I will purposely not do it again LOL..he said Oh really..He is Hispanic..I am german,irish,scottish Italian...I said I am more headstrong then any hispanic male...he laughed and said Oy Ok good thing I love you then...Glorious 5 yrs....
So immense pleasure comes from being with each other everyday and accepting who each other is.
I Love your thoughts. Artwork is moving along..Im doing a head on top of a decorated box..she is screaming...and looks as if her head will explode and there is houses, numbers, all the thoughts that sit and fester exploding out...LOL..in a fun truthful way not gross way lol..
Cant wait to read your next entry..enjoy your honest, direct and thoughful words.
Smiles,
Sonia ;)
My oh my what a big knife he has!
Your home has been a "haven" for many of us.
I guess I'm just the old fashioned type because I do things that way. I've already relayed to you in the past that I always have my husbands dinner done when he walks in the door, in fact I meet him at the door. I pour his coffee, cream and sugar it and do all I can for him. He works, I don't. The difference is that I do it because I want to and not because I feel I have to. That's a big difference. Believe me, there are day when I do say, "here's your coffee, the sugar and creamer are there on the table." So it works for me. Have a great day Renee, be well.
No wonder my mom was so grumpy in the 60's!!! I'm with you Rene!!!
No fire place although I love them - can't have one with preschoolers everywhere. My home is a haven to me - enought said. They can cater to themselves - am not personal servant.(most of the time)
Thank you for what you said to me hon - it touched me deeply.
Love, Sarah
I do love reading these helpful hints- I have my heels and ear rings on and a freshly ironed apron when he comes home from a weary day ...Three course meal, homecooked, the house spotless- the children tubbed and scrubbed, well mannered and joyful. I so enjoy washing and ironing his underwear- I only speak to praise him...mother taught me well, he will never leave me...(he will never love me)
i was a pre-teen in the fifties and i can tell you no one did these things...ha ha all a mirage, what i love are the old photos...did they even look like that? not my mom.
A urinary tract infection :)
This post made me smile for more than one reason! I sometimes light a fire but it is a fake gas one so does not cost me too much effort.
I like your alteration of the advice.
Sarah x
Works for me. I'm the houseperson, so anticipating and providing for Peggy's wants and needs is just part of my job description. If I didn't like it, I guess I could go out in the weather and work ten hour shifts at a stressful and exhausting job. She deserves being catered to. Of course, she's the one doing the catering now.
Now that I have read several of these quizes, I think it's time we should go back to the 50's. I think they wer great times. I sure had a wonderful happy 50's! My Mother also seemed very happy, actually she was a happy and accomplished woman who was also devoted hosewife and great mother.
The only additional thing I want is that women will be allowed to walk side by side their husbands instead of following them. Hah!
After the fire was lit I'm sure she rubbed her husband's feet and brought him a cocktail while preparing dinner! lol! I'm sure glad I was born in the late sixties!
Ha! First of all, I NEVER, EVER, get fooled on April 1st. So, if I could draw or paint, I would make an award for the first person ever to succeed in that department.
You sound like me, I have always wanted to cook delicious meals in a Crockpot, but I'm afraid to leave it on all day long and risk starting a fire.
And, you get a "lift" from Wahid when he comes home, eh?? Lucky girl, well lucky for both of you!:) har-har-har.
Your housewife postings are why I never got married in the first place. It would have to be a very secure man who can do everything for himself. (In the "maintaining" the household and himself department.)
xoxoxox
Love ya,
Nancy
Renee is this book for real? Seriously did anyone ever do any of this stuff or did it just work to put all our mothers in a state of inadequacy and depression!
I received a wonderful little package in the mail today! I love Sarah and saw her in concert a couple of years ago,she is amazing! Loving the little Miss Giggles book!And how you can get your giggle back!!!
Thankyou sooo much Renee ! Unnecessary but much appreciated!
xoxo Sheri DeBow
You are my haven.
Renee, my 13 y.o. daughter wants to say "thank you" for the compliment you gave her on my blog.
Yeah sounds like a couple of old cokboos i've got that dispense advice along with the recipes.
Well! I thought I'd get a rise from that! :)
Good night's rest, Love.
Oooooh, I love the warmth of a fire. I will even light a fire in AZ. My husband, however, prefers a chilly room. When we honeymooned in Anguilla, he set the AC on so high that whenever we left our room, his glasses would immediately fog up. The housekeeping staff asked us, quite seriously, if we were from Alaska.
As for catering to his needs --- oh, jeez. I cater to the kids. He has to fend for himself most of the time. He's a grown man with arms and legs that work. Sometimes this gets me in trouble with his mother. Once, while we were visiting her, he fell asleep on the couch. Now, I know him, and I know how he prefers to be cool. So when his mother came and asked me if he needed a blanket, I said no. Then she turned and asked him if he wanted a blanket, and he said, "Oh, yes, that would be great." I felt like such a schmo.
My parents are from the generation that believed wives should cater to their husbands. I remember as a newlywed, they would bring me some apples and a knife and told me I should pare fruit for my husband. That's what a good wife did -- pare fruit beautifully for the family and guests. Riiigggghhht. I think I just handed him the apple whole.
All the 50s housewives carry that tray heaped with food. All of them. It is positively welded to their hands...
Haha. I read Bella's comment and it made me laugh. I think her mother and my mother went to the same "wife school". My mother once told me to serve my husband and take care of his needs. Although the advise made me protest, I saw to it that I meet my husband's needs without being servile. For heaven's sakes, I used to ask my patients and their families and visitors if they needed anything all the time and ask total strangers seemingly in need, why not someone I love!
Once his friends came over when we were just newly married, I asked if there was anything I can do for them if there was anything they needed. That really really registered a look of surprise in their faces. When I left the room, I heard one of them said that he wished he would find a wife like me. I frowned, thinking that they focused on the service act.
I have come to the realization that marriage has rules and obligations and each individual union has its own peculiar needs. I make sure there are three things in my mine: Love, Caring and Respect. The rest will come along.
I want my husband to feel very happy that he is married to me and so often he reminds me he is. But you know what? He gets out of his way to make me happy too, is always there for me and is the most loving and caring man, not just towards me but in general. When he gets out of town, his friends make sure the children and I, are safe and ask if we need anything. They are so respectful; they won't enter the house if they know I am alone. (Maybe they are afraid of me!).
His friends, now married, still say they wish I am free and want to marry me, in front of my husband. I just laugh. Come to think of it so do some of my male friends at work. Har har!
There's one thing I told my husband from the very beginning that I will not do and he DARE not ask: bring him beer. Yes, I will serve him dinner, bring him a glass of water to bed, pack his bags (he's never packed since we were married), give him his socks.
In return he does similar things for me.
One day I was in the kitchen and my husband and son were in the carport, I overheard my husband say to my son: "Son, one of the best things you can do for your own children someday is to love their mother." My heart jumped. I love my husband very much and as bitchy and demanding as I could be, I find honor and great satisfaction in making him happy, even more so now that we have children. He is a very good father.
When I married my husband I asked him two things: 1. Is there any history of mental illness in his family? 2. Has he been treated for any sexually transmitted disease?...and to promise me one thing: Never, ever, ever hit me and our children someday. He felt insulted and got so mad that I asked him to make this promise it was followed by an argument and a demand that I promise the same.
I think this “service and meeting needs issue” has been blown out of proportion by feminists who sometimes end up divorced and miserable and then go online to find a perfect match. I never feel subservient, on the contrary I feel like a diva to my husband. To me if you love or care for somebody, you do things for them and make them happy. In return, I find that many people ask me if they can do anything for me or if I need anything, etc. even the café server, the mail room clerk, our secretary, my fellow analysts and many others treat me special and go out of their way if I need anything. It’s the Golden Rule and I learned it before kindergarten.
It makes me shriek with laughter at the thought that my darling, delightful, gorgeous Mama could ever be as subservient as the supposedly quintessential 50s housewife! She was quite the opposite and, boy, did my Daddy love her just the way she was - as we all did! And yes, our home was a haven filled with laughter and love. If there was order it was because she ordered it - in no uncertain terms.
And Renee, my darling girl, I'll bet all your family feel exactly the same way about you.
Ces,
You have articulated my feelings so well with what you wrote. I have never felt that caring for my husband or doing things to make him happy makes me subservient – and I too feel like a diva to my husband.
It could only have been a well loved, cared for and respected husband who would give his son such great advice. That must have really warmed your heart when your heard that!
No wonder Renee loves you so much, you are just like me…oh, except for the fact that I have gotten my husband many a beer...lol
"I heard one of them said that he wished he would find a wife like me."
I have heard this a million times over from my WIFE'S friends, many of whom are divorced women who have to go home from an eight hour shift to cook and do dishes for their children. In terms of numbers of hours worked, the woman in the old photo probably had it pretty good.
What bothered me most about so many of the comments was the notion that catering to another person's needs is inherently degrading, yet this is what the service industry is about, and I daresay that most of the people in the service industry are women. I also got the image of women who are just, by god, waiting for some man to ask them to do something for him, so they will can leap out of their chairs, and stand over him with arms folded and feet firmly planted on the ground as they self-righteously proclaim, "You've got two arms and two legs, mother-fucker, get it yourself!"
As for not taking your husband beer, my wife doesn't drink much beer, but she sure puts away a lot of milk, and guess who takes it to her and then watches to see when her glass is getting empty, so he can ask if she wants some more. I actually think she deserves such treatment after her long shift, and I suppose she's happy enough with it: we've been married 37 years. Now that I've had surgery, she's waiting on me and anticipating my needs, and that's pretty nice too. God, but I would hate to be with someone who had such a chip on their shoulder that they would consider it degrading to ever lift a hand to serve someone else.
I was born in the 60s to a family who were mentally stuck in the
50s. They tried very, very hard to weld a tray into my hands, but thankfully, it just wouldn't stick.
;-)
Hmmm, cokboos huh? Well that's what happens when you have a two year old on your lap when your trying to type... I meant to write Cookbooks, but I actually think cokboos is funnier. *Wink
CES- It's good that you've got that kind of thing going with your hubby. I think that it's based on mutual respect and understanding. No need to be subservient, only decent. If you notice when your husband is tierd and do something for him, hopefully he will return the favor. (Op, two year old is back...)
Teehee! Shelly, I am glad you see my point because to this day, I never find it demeaning for a wife or emasculating for a man to serve or do things for each other. In fact I find it very sexy and a turn on and I don't find having a satisfactory sexual relationship making me less equal! As for beer, I don't drink beer, never have even tasted it, so I don't ever get a chance to go to the fridge to get it for myself, let alone for him. Besides, we have a refrigerator in the carport storeroom just for drinks so he and his friends can get the drinks for themselves. I call it the "Redneck Refrigerator" Every Texas home in my area seems to have a second fridge in the garage or storeroom just for drinks (beer, soda, and water) - comes handy during the summer months, they don't have to get in and out of the house just for drinks. Short of it: I love men in general and the things they do for women they love and admire, I love my husband and he loves me. That does not mean that we don't irritate, annoy and get upset (mostly me) with each other.
I once admonished my son for not holding the door for open for me and his sister and his response was "...but you're okay!" meaning not sick or disabled. I told him not to wait for anyone to get sick to start doing something nice for them. He replied that if he did that at school, the girls will think he is interested in them, so that's another topic.
Thank you so much!!! Oh that tickles me to think I am like you, her sister! Ooh cool!
Shelly, you should blog! You are just like Renee, a mental ninja but different and special in your own way.
See Renee, your blog and you prompt this interesting and stimulating conversations around the world.
...and the word verification is "leade" how appropriate for your blog!
Ces, again I agree, it is very sexy and a total turn on - boy oh boy if only I heard my husband say something like that!! xoxo to you
I love Delwyn's comment! My word verification is unsitz, huh? Reminds me of unsettled, "unsituated" those are not words to use in the same discussion as having one's home as one's haven...
Oh well, I've been watching these "words" for a while & have tried to think of a blog to do with them ... so far no luck with that idea. How about "wiglity"? Like the way that sounds!
I enjoyed reading your post Renee.
The other day I was reading all the things a wife needs to do when the husband gets home ( from years ago)
Makes me laugh to think about it.
To freshen up and tie a ribbion in your hair and to bring his slippers and the newspaper.
I am glad times have changed, for
the better.
Hugs
Carolyn
"our haven may not have order but it certainly has rest"
amen to that!
LOVE IT!
Love You!
xoxo.
Taylor.
I don't know..I don't see how a little catering is a bad thing..I like to to be taken care of..why wouldn't he enjoy that? Why have we become so hardened? How is it that taking care of someone's physical needs, a husband in this case, is beneath us? Anyway I live in sunny California and I long for your cool and wet days..I need an AC..that's what I need. By the way and speaking of caring, I sent you a little cae package, expect it soon. Love.
Very Ideal, you make me miss my hubby:-(
I wish life was still like this. I would love to be able to serve my husband in this way without being looked at as a doormat.
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