Wednesday, 30 September 2009

One Year Ago














My Dad died one year ago today. My nephew died 12 days ago today.

It’s funny that I have missed Sheldon more in the last 12 days then I have missed my Dad in the last 365.

And now I look at your picture Dad and the 365 days come crashing in.

Dad thank you for crossing over time and space to let Sheldon know that he would be with you and that he would not be alone. You always liked to do things in a big way.

I love you Dad and I especially miss you today.

Prayers for the dead are on the same footing as gifts for the living. The angel goes in to the dead with a tray of light, bearing a cloth of light, and says ‘This is a gift for your from your brother so-and-so, from your relative so-and-so.’ And he delights in it just as a living man rejoices in a gift.

~~ written by al-Ghazali ~~

87 comments:

Suecae Sounds said...

Beautiful.

Anonymous said...

Renee,what a beautiful memory of your dad. I know how the first anniversary can be difficult. Love and hugs to you and your family.
Barb

sweetmango said...

so lovely to see your dad.
i too have a dad who is on the 'welcoming committee' on the other side, personally, i have always taken great solace in that knowledge.
i think of sheldon a lot.... but when i do, it is always with a smile and a warm heart.... actually that is how i also think of you too.
i love you very much
xxme

Mundo Mundaca said...

I prefer to believe that the death of the physical body is just a state change.. of dimension.. of time.. of space.
We are such complex beings in our individuality.. each one an only jewel cut by God's hands.
I don't believe that the Creator will simply undo us and we turn one anything.. only powder.
god loves their children too much for that.. then in some moment we will meet all again in the house of the Lord to celebrate millstones our union with the Father..
xoxo
yasmin

Artistic Accents by Darla said...

How comforting to know they're together♥
Beautiful post Renee!
Love, Darla

Debra She Who Seeks said...

What a beautiful quotation! Thank you for sharing it, and your journey, with us.

♥ Braja said...

So sad....

Dede said...

A beautiful post Renee.
(((HUGS)))

Micki said...

I'm glad you got the card safely Renee, my thoughts have been with you a lot just lately.

Your friend
Micki x

Annie said...

Lovely post. For your dad and Sheldon. A hundred big hugs today.
And love. xoxo

Julie-ann Bowden said...

OH, Renee, what a year for you.
Your dad looks so kind and I am glad he was there already for Sheldon, although wishing you still had them both with you and well.
You're such the sweetest lady in the whole wide world!

Ribbon said...

I like that very very much...

big love to you xx

Karin Bartimole said...

Dearest Renee, here I am, staring back into your eyes, reflecting love.
May your sorrow be lessened, knowing your dad and Sheldon are together. Sending warm embraces to you and Jacquie - wishing your family wellness... xox K

Flor Larios Art said...

Beautiful Renee...A big hug for you.
Flor

Anonymous said...

I am trying really hard to get out of this depressed state as I really miss Sheldon and my dad soooooooooo much!!!
It is hard to believe it is one year already for dad today it seems like yesterday.
Does it ever get easier, I think not.
Good Night dad God Bless you I love you forever!!! xoxo Suzie

Silver said...

i like what you said about that tray of light gift to our loved ones who have passed on ..

Some 'Delivery' Angels may be busier than some others, i think.. but i don;t think they'll really mind.

love
Silver

Sydney said...

Lovely quote, lovely gesture. thanks

Ces said...

Peace be with you my love, peace in your heart and mind. I will scrounge up 5,000 pictures for you. Be patient, my wrists are killing me and my project still has to be implemented tomorrow night. Soon I will have some free time. Why don't you make a date with me and Bella for Thursday night? Of course she does not know anything about it yet. I can start something salacious to get you going, or something serious and deep, well?

karen gerstenberger said...

I love this photo of your dad. He looks very French, to me, and I love that (I'm part French, myself).
Isn't it amazing how Sheldon actually dreamed/saw your dad, so that he had what he needed in the way of comfort and assurance before making the transition? I've been told that no one dies alone, and I believe it.
Thank you for the note about the necklace. I can see how it would be comforting, and have looked at something like this in a catalog. You are such a good sister, Renee. Please give Jacquie a special hug from me, and tell her that my heart is with hers. It's with yours, too. XO

Ces said...

Is that a yes or a no?

Loredana said...

I'm preparing to my Dad's 365 day that will be just after Christmas time, reading this thoughts make me feel:
a) I'm not alone with this big pain.
b)all this pain must bring to something positive.
c) I must prepare the most beautiful Christmas ever as he would have loved it and he's missed the last, he will enjoy the next one in a different way: our love.

Thank-you for this words that let me remember a lot of things.

Heidi said...

Your dear sweet Dad...

What fond memories come flooding back to me as I look at his picure. You're absolutely right, he always did it in a "Big" way.

Thinking of you as you face the oneyear mark of his "angel date". It is a good thing to be able to think of him being there for Sheldon when he arrived.

Bless you all.

Deborah said...

Look how sweet your Daddy is...those loving, gentle eyes. He was a very patient man, yes?

I have always loved the image that the visionaries in Medjugorje gave, that those in heaven are allowed to see happy events of their loved ones on earth...be it just a lovely thought or the truth, it gives cause to try to move into the living, knowing that life never ends, indeed. Yet, death should come in order, not the young, and that one requires great faith. God blessed Sheldon by allowing him to show the family that he still lives...in The Heart of God. All my love to you and Jacquie, and Sheldon's Dad and siblings. Deb

Julie-ann Bowden said...

I am blowing you a kiss from my mum because I know she will send one back too you also!
Thank you Renee for your love!

Sue said...

Renee, the quote by al-Ghazali is beautiful - what a lovely picture it paints.

It warms my heart to think of your dad (what a lovely looking gentleman in your photo - he looks like he had quite a sense of humour) wrapping his wings around Sheldon.

Love and warmth

Coralie Cederna Johnson said...

Every so often the memories of time shared with my dad remind me of how much was lost so long ago. I can imagine how much your miss yours, especially today. And, thank you for sharing this beautiful quote.

Elizabeth said...

How amazingly beautiful -- this quote, your dad's pictures, your thoughts. Thank you Renee and I hope you have a beautiful day filled with memories, good ones.

Jaliya said...

That first year after one of our loves dies or otherwise disappears ... Whew ... So many seasons, anniversaries, milestones, memories ... I remember the first summer after a dear friend/colleague took his own life. Summer came 'round and I lost it over freckles and the smell of sunlight on skin.

Mourning is so wild, so raw ... It just *takes* us ...

Loving you, Renee xoxoxoxoxo

lakeviewer said...

My dear, your cup runneth over... Thank God you have Faith, and a supporting family, a list of beautiful poetry and art, and a brilliant smile we can all see from each corner of our worlds. You shine.

Lori ann said...

You are lucky to have such good memories of your Dad. He looks nice.

Life is indeed a learning experiance(your last post), you are so brave to look back on your journal entries and see where you've come from. Sometimes I feel like I can't face mine.
You are Love Renee. Only That.

Anonymous said...

Renee love,
Missing lets us know we are living and have love much. Step outside, let the sun kiss your face and the wind whisper the love of the spirits who will pause in their journey to let you know that you are loved.
loving you. DPG

Sue said...

Renee, I have just awarded you with the Superior Scribbler award. You SO deserve it!

Hugs

Tessa said...

I will forever see them sitting on that bench together, Renee. More flurries of love and warm thoughts from me. Hugging you from afar.

Allegra Smith said...

He looks exactly as I remember him at the end of the road, with the glass and the smile, waiting for Sheldon. Missing someone is a part of loving, the price we pay for having memories that cling to the heart like climbing roses. Sadness is a part of missing, but not all of it, neither should ever be. Nana taught me when I was a child that a good memory only remembers good things.

So, time to bring forth the laughter you shared, the good times and even if that brings a bit more of the missing give them both the gift to know across time that even gone they still can make you smile and fill your heart with love.

pRiyA said...

Yes i do. Hugs back and lots and lots of love.

Loni Edwards said...

What a beautiful tribute Renee!

studio lolo said...

What a loving tribute.

Blessings to your dad and to Sheldon, together again.

I'm glad you knew the card was from me before you opened it. That means you feel the energy that I send.

Love you, Raven sister.

xoxoxo
Laurel

glorv1 said...

Your daddy looks like he was an awesome father. My dad's been gone two years this past August and I still miss him very much. You are right about Sheldon being with him. They are in spirit together smiling and happy. Very nice post. Take care Renee.

secret agent woman said...

What a very sweet photo of your Dad, and I also love that image I have of him and Sheldon sitting on the park bench together.

soulbrush said...

what a lovely kind face he had. and now these two warriors are together on that bench reminiscing about their loved ones (you).

clairedulalune said...

What a beautiful post Renee. ((HUGS))

yoborobo said...

I'm thinking of you, Renee, and hoping the vision of your Dad with Sheldon brings some peace to you and Jacquie. A big hug to you both. xox Pam

sanda reynolds Mullingar,Ireland said...

Sweet Renee,
What a beautiful quotation to share with us! Yes, they are together, your dad and Sheldon and somehow this is a soothing thought. And from there, they are watching us with a kind, warm smile...
I know so well how hard it is, I lost my dad too and after ten years I lost mum as well, to the same dreadful illness, but they never stoped looking over me, I really FEEL this and when I think of them, like this I see them both, gently smiling.
Sending you and your family a BIG HUG and lots of love,
Sanda xx

Michelle said...

Love to you.

xxx

Barbara said...

I will never forget that park bench story. How strong his spirit is... Both his and Sheldon's. Hugs to you, Renee. xox B

Baino said...

I guess Sheldon's passing was so recent and tragic that your head and heart are full of him. My dad died six years ago and I miss him incredibly. He was the glue that kept us together for so long. Great quote, really. I'll think of you more often today.

Daria said...

What a nice picture of your father ... he looks like a very kind and gentle man.

I'm sorry for your losses this past year.

drollgirl said...

i am so very sorry for your loss. i am sure the pain is almost unbearable, and my heart goes out to you. i lost 3 grandparents a couple of years ago and i just felt crushed. it is so hard to deal with, and i hope you are surrounded by people that you love.

rochambeau said...

Yes,
I will pray for your papa Henri and your Sheldon both today because I agree with you, these prayers are just the same and just as important.
Renee,
You have had one hell of a year. I'm sorry friend. YOU inspire me. You who remain sweet at heart. You are one strong cookie, friend.
Love and
more love,
Constance

Bella Sinclair said...

Such tenderness. Renee, I love your father. He looks so very kind and loving, and I'm sure he is taking wonderful care of Sheldon. Together, they are filthy rich, having received a king's ransom of gifts from the angels. And more to come, still.

xoxo

turquoise cro said...

I believe this to be so too Renee! I always pray for the dead, why wouldn't we???!!! They are still living in our hearts BIG TIME!!! Happy Birthday!! Renee's Daddy and that is a comfort to know Sheldon is there with that special grandpa! Thinking and sending prayers to God for YOU both! Love and prayers to YOU too Renee!((((Renee)))))

kj said...

renee, do you look like your father, because this is uncanny. he looks alot like i imagine you look, including that soulful wonderful smile.

my dad might be nearby the bench where your father and sheldon sit. they would all enjoy one another.

your friend allegra is a wise as they come. i am so glad she is in your life with such love and wisdom. (not to mention a 100 others).

i neglected to think that this loss was just one year ago. my beloved renee--so much love...

vintage moon studio said...

Sending you a hug... my Dad passed one year ago this Friday, so I know the kind of feelings the anniversary brings to the surface. Be well - Deb

Yolanda said...

My heart is with you. I know how hard these anniversaries can be.heres a hug for you.

~Babs said...

I love visualizing this gift delivery.
And I love that your Dad likes to do things in a really big way.
And I love the sweet spirit in this post.
And you.

jenjen said...

I love that saying at the end. I like to think that the prayers and thoughts that I send up to my dad are brought to him on a tray of light. Beautiful.

XOXO
Jen

Wendy said...

Your dad looks like a gentle and kind soul. Nice to think of him on the Other side welcoming Sheldon across.
Hope you are o.k.
Hugs

Silke said...

Your dad looks so sweet and kind, Renee! You have had such a year and it's still going on! Your strength and capacity for love humble me every day! Sending you and your family all my love!! Silke

pinkglitterfae said...

your father looks like a sweet soul.
What a comfort to know that they are together.
I hope you're doing ok Renee, and know that so many people adore you and support you
blessings,
betty

kj said...

i love the thought of my father being there too. i feel like i know your dad, renee, maybe because my mother is french canadian. he just looks like i know him. and i know i would like him alot. i think he would like me too.

what a thin line. know what i envision the most: my dog rosie, green hills behind her, running toward me with with the same joy she always had. i really believe she's waiting for me, and that makes me totally happy.

xo

R2K said...

: )

Pattee said...

I love the picture of your dad Renee...

I can just imagine him up in heaven seeing Sheldon ~ jumping up and saying "Welcome Sheldon my sweet ~ sit with me and tell me what you know of the last year."

I love you Renee...
and think of you often~
Pattee

Mim said...

Love your dad's face...brought tears to my eyes.

nollyposh said...

i ~Love~ what you said and what al-Ghazali said <3

Mariana Soffer said...

Great text. Oh, my dear rene, I did not know things got so harsh for you latelly, I really do not know what to say, but just please please plese do not feel sorry for your self, because you are a person who has not got a single reason to do that, it is absurd, be glad for what you are, you are great (I read quickly your older post, so I catch up, specially the one where you talk about random daily thoughts).

Here is a beautifull poemfor you, a little sad, but I think you might like:

AOn this blue day, you stand for a long time on a high mountain and stare at clouds merging together, covering land and sea. You think you are higher than yourself, like a bird existing only in a metaphor. The metaphor entices you to break away from it and look at the empty sky, like a blue desert without a mirage to be seen. Then the metaphor calls you back to its source and you cannot find a way through the clouds.
On this blue night, you see the mountains looking at the stars and the stars looking at the mountains. You think they can see you, so you thank them for their affable company. You are reluctant to emerge from the metaphor in case you fall into the well of loneliness."

Send you tons of love.

Chrisy said...

Oh darlin what a year you've had...and what a privilege it's been to share a minute part of it with you...take care...be kind to yourself honey...just pretend we're all there nagging you...

isay said...

great picture. lovely post and wonderful quote-so true. My inang(mom)and amang(dad) died a long time ago but i still think of them, too until now....hey is it weird but i was hoping i can hug you now :).....i'll just send you by BIG bear hugs.

Debra said...

Renee,

I am with you. Tuesday my brother would have been 54. We spent the day, my sisters and I picking out headstones and filling out more paperwork. It was raining here and cold and I could not help but miss him, and my parents. My father who passed away 15 years ago, and our mother who left us 7 years ago. We remarked that Russ died just a couple days difference from when Mom did. He was close to her, he depended on her. It gave us comfort to know he is now beside her resting. May your father and Sheldon be together, taking and waiting on that park bench, until (in the distant future) you all are able to be together again.

miruspeg said...

A Tray of Light....how magnificant.
May you always have light and love circling your head and engulfing your heard Renee.
Big hugs
Peggy

LDWatkins said...

I love the imagery of the prayers for the dead. Smile through your tears for the beautiful memories of Sheldon and your dad. Let the smiles ease the pain. Today would've been my mother's birthday...gone for two years now...still miss her and always will...but lots of smiles. Love you dear.

deepazartz said...

Hey Renee

I am glad to be back and share your heart rendering words...

Thats very thoughtful of you...and memories ne'er fade esp of our loved, dear and near ones.

Angela Recada said...

Hello, dearest Renee,

What a year you have had. I love this picture of your dad. He has such a beautiful smile, and such kind and wise eyes. I know he is still with you all, along with your Sheldon, smiling at you, and holding you dear in his loving arms.

I love you, dear heart,
xoxoxo
Angela

Sarah said...

Oh hon..I so understand this I really do - I miss my parents so very much at times and it has been over 20 years!! Hugs to you my dear - am thinking of you hon!! Love, Sarah

YayaOrchid said...

Your Dad had such kind eyes...and he was easy on the eyes! Lovely family, Renee!

Sarah said...

It is good to think that at least your Dad and Sheldon are together. That passage about prayers for the dead is beautiful and is such a lovely way to think about them. I will think of them in that way from now on. Lots of love, Sarah xx

K said...

sweet, sweet picture of your dad. what comfort you must have in knowing your dad and Sheldon are together. lots of love coming your way!

ruthie said...

beautiful post renee, they are together, smiling & hugging. i hadn't stopped by in sooo long, im so sad for your losses, so amazed at your courage & big, wide open heart. you are inspiration itself x x x ruthie x x x

jacquie said...

dad...thank-you for the most prescious gift you could ever give me.....and i in turn give you my most prescious gift..
i in turn have peace as i am sure you are cradling sheldon in your arms and sharing jokes on your bench for two..
i love you and miss you both so much....goodnight god bless you both....
love jacquie/mom

The pale observer said...

Renee - this feeling I know too well. Grief is consuming and the only solace is knowing there is comfort for those who've gone. It brings a tiny ray of light to those left behind.

xx

Draffin Bears said...

Hi Renee,

Your Father looked like a lovely Man and how neat that he is taking good care of Sheldon.
We all have a purpose in this life.
Sending love and hugs to you

Carolyn xo

linda cardina said...

this is beautiful renee... your dad looks like such a sweet soul. he is taking great care and having a wonderful time with sheldon.

love u renee.
linda

Renee said...

Jacquie: that is really beautiful and you my dearest sister are really beautiful.

Love Renee xoxo

Isabel said...

Your father has such a smile of goodness in this photo. I am sure both your dad and Sheldon keep smiling around you and your family.

xox

Isabel

~* The Beldame on Peach Street *~ said...

The someone that you love who loves Halloween, loves you even more!

I've been getting ready for that art show so I haven't had much computer time. Last night I was playing catch up and came to visit you. When I read about Sheldon I was at a loss for words. My heart breaks for you, for his family and for his mom. I cannot imagine her heartbreak. It seems totally unfair, especially given her circumstance, I don't even pretend to understand 'Why?'.

It's ironic that on this day, the 30th of September, that you were missing your dad. I was missing my mom on this day, my 33rd birthday. She's been gone 2.5 years.

I have to tell you how thankful I am to have found you. The way that you live your life as expressed through the words that you write, inspire me to be a better person. You truly are a blessing to many, Renee. I hope you know you that! I love you!

I'm off to my show now. Have 3.5 hr drive. Come visit me this weekend. I'll have some pics on my blog.

Love & Hugs,

Jamie

BT said...

It must be a tough time for you Renee. Your Dad looks lovely in the photo. You must miss him. I still miss mine although he died in 1987, so long ago.

Woman in a Window said...

And so we will send tiny gifts like lightening bugs to keep them aware of us. One year ago. Renee, you've had so much loss. I'll think of them for you. You take a break.
xo
erin

CarolineH said...

What a beautiful picture of Henri, Renee. I smiled when I opened it to full size. I miss him so much too, and always think of him and you. Love you, sweet sister of the heart, even though I'm not around nearly as much as I used to be. I do try to keep up with reading your blog when I can. Know you're always in my heart.
Caroline xo <3