Tuesday, 3 February 2009
Hello and hip hip hurrah! You made it and I think you look fantastic. Thanks so much for coming, let me take your coats, and please help yourself to a glass of champagne, or if you’re like me (a total dud) have a nice cup of tea. I can’t believe you came on such a cold day. Go; introduce yourself to the family and one another before the games begin.
One year ago today was when I started this little life-line of mine.
I had been reading blogs and thinking that it was something I needed to do. Colette slept over so I asked her if she knew how to set one up. She didn’t but thought that it would be easy enough and so it was.
Every time I have been asked why I joined my metastatic group, I always replied that I read that people who join groups live twice as long as those who don’t. Even though I have many reasons for starting this blog, one would be that you are able to give air to feelings that are being choked. I believe that if the feelings don’t get air, the cancer may be the second thing that kills you.
I have always intended this blog to be a place to record my thoughts, fears, hopes, and feelings. This is and always will be a place for me; a place for me to be true to my own heart. This heart is mine and I am laying it out here for me and for my children.
When I speak about my thoughts, fears, hopes, and feelings; I don’t want anyone to try to fix them or save me because that is not possible. But what I do want is to be seen and heard and to have my truth acknowledged and honoured. My problems, like many of you, are soul deep and my soul alone knows what I need to do about them.
Andrew Sullivan states that blogging is ‘writing out loud…it combines the confessional genre with the log form and exposes the author in a manner no author has even been exposed before. This is writing with emotion not just under but always breaking through the surface. It renders a writer and a reader not just connected but linked in a visceral, personal way. The only term that really describes this is friendship.’
I now get it Dad. I really have made friends because of either my blog or theirs.
The poet Theodore Roethke wrote ‘Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries.’ I want to move among mysteries and I want to be moved by mysteries. At 52 years old, I am only now learning that people have a hard time saying what they mean. I have always been an open book and assumed everyone else was too.
In the beginning of my post when I welcomed you to my party I mentioned that we would play a few games. Why don’t you all gather round and we can play one now. For me it is an old game but I thought maybe some of you would want to play along.
It is the game of getting to know me and me getting to know you. In this game no one has to be perfect, and as a matter of fact (if you are), you may have to take a time-out.
I will call this game ‘Exposed to the Wind or if you prefer Possible Ridicule.’ There are a few rules I use when playing but I hope you will bring your own to the table because nothing is more interesting at a party than a diverse group of players’ rules.
Be ready to be viewed naked; to seeing and feeling things that you might rather avoid. There are many aspects of myself that I would rather not witness, but by doing so I only up the ante.
Now if you are up to playing, we will start off very easy; tell one of the other guests (no modesty allowed) what you think is the best thing about you. See wasn’t that easy?
Now that there are only crumbs left where the food use to be and the dormouse is stuck in the sugar bowl again and the night is getting colder and you all must leave, I just wanted to thank you all.
Thank you to family, old friends and new friends.
Thanks to all of you for overwhelming me and my family with so much good that you have helped us to not be overwhelmed with the reality of the situation that we find ourselves in everyday.
*Blog header picture is by Kelly Vivanco
*Post picture is by Franck L