Monday, 31 August 2009

Nothing Important

Years ago Wahid and I were talking and I said to him “You have never seemed to care what other people think of you.” He said ‘That is because I look at myself from the inside out, not the outside in.’

Stay focused on what is important.

Flashbacks From The Month Of August

August 11, 2002

*I would rate my body esteem a ‘3’. I have taken all of my cultures body messages to heart. I need to stop buying into society’s attitude and start buying into self-acceptance.

*I am not trying to stop time as far as my body goes. I spend no money and no time on keeping myself looking young.

August 21, 2002

*I do not covet other people’s lives.

August 13, 2003

*I do absolutely no exercise and I don’t feel connected to my own body. I need to add activities to my life.

August 4, 2004

*If I believed that I was feeding my soul and not just my body I would be more aware of what I am putting into it. I would never just jam my soul with just anything like I do with my body.

August 6, 2006

*Blood transfusion.

August 16, 2006

*Dr. Dubroska gave me the results of the CT scan. Good – great news. Cancer is no longer in the lungs. Cancer is no longer in the glands in the sternum. Improvement in bones everywhere, except Nodule 9 in the back. No change to the breast area and wondering if I should start radiation but she decided I needed to keep on the chemo instead.

Flash Forward

Seems so funny to me now that I ever gave a shit about that crap.

What a huge waste. Invest your life energy on the people you love because in the end they are all that matter.


soulbrush said...

i agree with this renee, i do not crave what others have, we all have skeletons in the cupboard.I don't want to be younger or richer or better than i am, just healthy.
such good news about that scan. so glad, some good news at last. love ya girl and wahid is right, we must see ourselves in our souls, not from what others think of us...still working on that one.i don't do well with criticism (because i was abused by my own mother), so i set out to try harder than i need to just to avoid it, hence my manic perosnality...sighxxx

Anonymous me said...

Ah but you matter too Renee. Your body contains you, but is not you. Well, not completely. Even so it needs gentle care, needs nourishing in every way. Look after yourself. Another day ... more prayers. I hold you, Sheldon and Jacquie here in my heart. As always xx Jos

Angela Recada said...

Good morning, dear Renee,

You are speaking to me on such a deep level today with this post. Much of what you have felt, I feel. Thank you, thank you, thank you, dear one, for posting these flashbacks. Thank you for sharing with the world, what you have learned. So much of what we think and do in life is a waste of time and energy.

I hope these posts and comments are a comfort to you. I value our friendship so very much, too.

Love and hugs,

Deborah said...

Oh yes, in the end, all that matters is the love. Only love remains on this little blue planet after the dust blows away. The small things blow away with the dust. Love stands. Love connects the ages. Love is stronger than death. All my love to you, Renee,

lakeviewer said...

Amen to that. If only we heed that advice early enough in life to make a difference.

Renee, you are reaching lots of people; your message is not lost in the wind.

Annie said...

Renee, thank you for sharing your wisdom. We all need to be reminded about what is important.
Love is all that matters. Hugs.xoxo

Caio Fernandes said...

this is a wonderfull post Renee ...
it should be a mantra for many people .

Sarah said...

So true-and I love Wahid's way of looking at things. I worry far too much about what people think even though it is not rational.
Hope you are doing ok today. xx

Fabulous Finds Gal said...

What great words of advice. I have spent so much time and energy the past few years with "friends" that I have found talk behind my back, etc... What a waste. Family first and those that truly care. Enjoy your day.
Fabulous Finds Gal

yoborobo said...

Amen to that, Renee. These are words I need to take into my heart, and live. Not just agree with you, and nod my head at your wisdom, but incorporate. I know this. I'm working it. I swear. Love and a big hug - xoxox Pam

Dede said...

You are sooo right! Invest your time and energy into the ones that you love. They are the ones that truly matter. Does it matter what someone else thinks? No, I don't think so. You are an inspiration!

Diana Evans said...

Hi Renee.....

I think Wahid was onto something....I used to say this to my Dad all the time...who cares about anyone else thinks...just enjoy life and do what makes you happy...everything else will work out...


Sarah said...

Renee so beautifully and honestly put. Your honest pen never fails to amaze me! I try hard not to worry about superficial things..I would be lying if I said they do not bother me. At times they do. Thank you for the timely reminder hon!! Hugs to you my dear!!
Love you, Sarah

Alicia @ boylerpf said...

Renee, this is so true! As I was reading, I was shaking my head yes and when I came to your last sentence...I wanted to scream YES! Thank you for the reminder of what truly is important in our lives.

L.Holm said...

Oh, so wise. If only it didn't take tragedy to bring us to places of deeper knowledge. I adore your husband's response of looking "from the inside out." What good good advice. now to remember it.

Marie S said...

I love what Wahid said, where did he learn this from?
Thank you for sharing that Renee, what a gift. I want to give it to Madi!
Love and hugs my pretty.

Manon Doyle said...

Amen to this post sister!
I'll admit that I exercise everyday for my mental health and i love fresh foods but as i've gotten older I try not to worry what everyone else thinks about me.
You are a spectacular woman Renee! I think you're awesome!


Noreen said...

In the moment and with the people who I love and care for deeply. Thank you for the gentle reminder.

Continued love and prayers, Noreen

ps I hope to see you on Tuesday. Selfishly, of course, I miss you.

Linda Sue said...

I Love you, you are all that matters...
True, we are riding around in these vehicles, and if we put cheap bad petrol in them they are going to become less efficient, If we let them rust out in the elements , get full of holes, they could crumble out from under us at any moment...because we love others we want thier vehicles to run well - keep them comfortable and is not about cosmetics,(unless you are 15)It is about doing what's best for your vehicle so it can do the best for you- us- all- since we are all connected not caring for the vehicle I ride around in seems disrespectful. We are all riding around in rentals really and the rental agency is kind enough, generous enough to allow us the freedom to do whatever with ours...trusting that we will do our best, even if we get T-boned at the intersection, out of our control...find the best body shop and detailer in town- a big responsibility for function not for pretty...The rental agency is a gift giver!

Artistic Accents by Darla said...

Lovely and much needed message!
Love, Darla

Lizzy Frizzfrock said...

Renee, I love what Wahid said, "look at myself from the inside out, not the outside in". How smart he is, not wonder you admire him.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if we all could do that. Of course, we have to take into consideration that good exercise and healthy food & living will generally make the outside look at good as it is capable of looking! Oh, perhaps it isn't too late to take Wahid's words to heart! Lizzy

Elizabeth said...

Thank you for the reminder. I am thinking about you.

karengberger said...

When I re-read old journal notes, I feel the same way as what you just wrote...but then I remember that it's a learning process, and we have to start somewhere! You are wonderful in your honesty, and even in dark times, your humor is a light. Sending lots of love to you and your family.

TheChicGeek said...

Investing in people is the greatest gift we can give ourself. When it comes down to it, that's what it's all true.

I love how Wahid says, "look from the inside out." We all need to love ourselves more. I believe when we do that, it all just spills out to the world around can't help just flows.

secret agent woman said...

Oh. I just returned to the blogworld after a short stay away and caught up with you first. I am so very, very sorry about the news with Sheldon. How excruciating. He seems like such a brave and remarkable young man that I am in awe. You are right, nothing else matters but love. And I'm sending mine to you now, wishing I could magicially fix this for you. I'm sorry.

*jean* said...

i think you've hit the proverbial nail on the head, dear renee...

Angela Recada said...

Yes, we are glorious all on our own. You are so right, dear one. Love, including self-love, is what matters most.

Love you,

rochambeau said...

AMEN, sister!!!!!!!!!!! and Wahid too!!!
Love you Renee,
Admire you too.
Great post!
Thinking of you much.
with abundant *light* all around~
for you and Sheldon and Jacqueline and your mother!
It doesn't matter!
So much of what we think is important, isn't. I have a friend Laura, who I heard speak last year. She said she was actually proclaimed dead. She saw the white tunnel. She met God. She said "God, am I dead"? And, God said:
"It doesn't matter"!!!

Marion said...

You are a walking miracle, Renee, and a shining example for the rest of us. I bow to you....LOVE, Hugs and Blessings!!!

Julie-ann said...

Renee, this news is wonderful I hope you keep this up for a long, long time.
Keep eating blueberries, hope you like them?
What ever you are doing you must be doing it right, you keep it up.
My heart jumped when I read the positive news.
I want you around for as long time.
You are so right, your loved ones are the most important. Your hubby thinks a good way, not worrying about what others think about him.
I like the inside out sentence.
Sorry I jump from one thing to another, my results at school were lower because of this. I talk the same way, he, he, he!
I am not rich yet from my dreams,lol!
Yes, I am rich in my heart and life.
Hey, this is what you are sharing!
You are a guru of thoughts and beautiful hearts Renee! Guess what I came through on your 10.000 visitors! You are our guru!
Keep strong, you are really special and hope someone would take your blog and put in a book, I would certainly buy it, even though I can read your blog, like having you on my shelf too, would be very special indeed.
Love you Renee!

Michelle said...

Yeah....and do not be afraid to jump off a cliff every now and then!

I'm jumping off on Thursday :)

Love you and am wearing your bracelet!


Marie S said...

Happy Monday my pretty. I wrote the post last night and somehow hit the do not post button.
Please try again.

Clarity said...

Dear Renee,

"Invest your life energy on the people you love because in the end they are all that matter."

Such true words. The only thing we take are our souls, actions and the love we share. A good reminder to take care of the body, but only focus on that which is precious. I wish you all lived in London. I would bake cookies and we would share good talks.

Clarity said...

plus.. I totally subscribe to the inside out outlook, just never heard it put so well.

It's a mentality that adds to being peaceful.

Baino said...

IF you hadn't given a shit about that crap, you probably wouldn't still be here! Thank God for small mercies.

But you're right in one way, we spend too much time being introspective when we should just be grateful. My daughter tells me this all the time when I get down and she's absolutely on the money. I have nothing, absolutely nothing, to complain about. *must stop coveting* Yeh, I do want to be younger, and richer! Then, it won't bother me if I'm not. Right, off to focus on what's important . . .

Julie-ann said...

Oh Renee, I wish it was a reading for now. Will keep sending you positive vibes and lots of love.

Karin Bartimole said...

a wise man, that Wahid - not that I'd expect anything else from the husband of the woman who chose him :)
It is interesting what we allow to hold our attention until we shake our heads and come out of the daze to realizing what's truly important. While I've never seen you, I imagine your beauty exuding from the inside out in ways seen and unseen.
Love you,

yoborobo said...

Thank you, Renee. xoxox!! It's a lifelong project with me (liking me as I am), but I think I'm getting a little better. :) Friends help a lot - especially ones that can write amazing posts that hit you right on the head! Thank you for your words. You are a dear friend. xoxoxox Pam

Mim said...

you're so right but oh boy we are all so human!

Rikkij said...

Renee- I think you've nailed it. Wisdom beyond good sense. ~rick

Ces said...

Right now I am craving for a cake doughnut.

Sorry to be so simple and selfish but it's 7:16 PM and I want a cup of coffee and a cake doughnut.

So I will now march to the kitchen and get dinner going. I am preparing striped bass, garlic fried rice, butterfly pork chops adobo and serve it with leftover pansit, vegetable salad and for dessert - peach ice cream!

I hope you have a wonderful evening. I love you sister! Mwah!

YayaOrchid said...

"If I believed that I was feeding my soul and not just my body I would be more aware of what I am putting into it. I would never just jam my soul with just anything like I do with my body"

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this thought, Renee! It sounds like an epiphany to me. I just wish I could remember it constantly. This has got to be one of your all time best posts because it's full of wisdom and wit. Everything you wrote is so true. My Sweetie is the same way as your Wahid. But I think it's a 'man' thing. I am just like you too. I was once so into my self image. Now, I no longer do things to stay young looking. but sadly, that may not be a good thing either. I guess we just do the best we can and leave it at that. :)

Daria said...

So true ... thanks for sharing your flash backs ... and your flash forwards.

kj said...

wise and wonderful, moon sister. but take care of that body too, as you can: you need it. i like what anonymous me said about that.


glorv1 said...

I always say I am who I am. This post was wonderful Renee. It really sounds like you are doing great and I am so happy for you and yours. Viva La Vida!! God bless you. Take care.

Jann said...

You and your family are in my prayers, Renee . . . I am thinking of you--sorry I am remiss in visiting your blog--I am trying to catch up . . .

K said...

Thank you sweet Renee for the lovely is the absolute truth where we truly need to invest our life's energies. xoxoxo

Bella Sinclair said...

Oh, Renee. I hear you. I hear you as if you were in my head and in my heart and in my soul. I would trade it all for some more time with the people I love.


Chrisy said...

It's interesting isn't it that men are often much wiser than women when it comes to the opinions of others. I'm so pleased that Wahid is in your life - together with those other special people in your family. And yes, nothing else matters. Nothing.

Mariana Soffer said...

Renne, it was amazing reading your post, you made me cry a little also. And you reaffirmed the clarity of thought
I sometimes has, but that can be lost with the outside influence, cause I am a person not so sure of herself.
I actually learned those leasons many years ago, when two of the closest persons to myself died within a few
month of difference. But I am not going into details about it, maybe some other day.
The thing is that somehow I lost the faith in myself again, and I became so unsure that I can sometimes have doubts about what is and what is not important to care about.
Anyway I just wanted to tell you that I admire your strength and determination, they are amazing, and I guess there are even harder to keep in a situation like the one you had.
So admire yourself for me. Do me that favour.

Lots of love to you my friend.

javajune said...

Your words are the perfcet wake-up call. My love to you, Renee.

Barbara said...

Renee, To feel all these things is merely human. But to have your wisdom,too, is a gift you share with us all. I struggle with the inside/outside thing, too and I love what Wahid said. Maybe in this lifetime, somehow, I can grasp it. Great news on the scan. I hope you are well. Sending white light to you. xxxoo Barbara

kj said...

congruence: being the same on the outside as you are on the inside.

when you meet someone who is congruent, you can feel it from your head to your toes

xoxo renee

Draffin Bears said...

Lovely post dear Renee.
I was so happy to read of the good news of your scan.
We do need to put the ones we love, ahead of everything else.

I have given you an Award.


Lori ann said...

you are right, but you are important too and all those things you thought about. they would be important to the ones that love you. they are a part of you.

sending love ♥