Friday, 7 August 2009

Times Three No. 6

Thursday afternoon, August 6, 2009, there was a loud crack and I haven’t been able to hear or see since.

Chaos sat on his throne, shook his scepter in the air and cackled.


There is to be a family meeting, Sheldon’s results are in. Jacquie was brought to his room in her bed and Sheldon was opposite in his bed. Ben, Jennifer, Gil and I sat or stood around. Mickey and Joey are waiting in the room at the end of the hall.

The oncologist said:

‘Sheldon it is not good news, I’m afraid.’

‘There is only one person in the world who has the kind of tumor you have.’

‘We can offer chemo which would be quite intense, but even then we don’t have any knowledge of how to treat this.’

‘The cancer started where the esophagus meets the stomach.’

‘The chemo regiment would be five days on with you having chemo every three hours, 24 hours a day for five days and then two weeks off.’

‘In all of the literature there are only three articles on this type of cancer.’

‘The person who had this type of cancer died in surgery in Turkey and was not treated with chemo.’

‘You are the only person living in the world that we know of that has this type of cancer.’

‘We do not believe that you have had this cancer long.’

‘You still have tumors, as they were unable to remove them all during surgery.’

‘If you want chemo we will put in a port and start as soon as you heal from your surgery.’

‘I’m sorry Sheldon.’

‘Do you want me to treat you Sheldon?’ “Yes.”

The room has disappeared; there is only a black hole.

I hear questions.

Everyone is still here.

Ben and I leave the room and talk to the doctor.

During the evening Sheldon is in severe pain. I basically yell at the nurses to get their shit together and get him something.

Nathan tells Sheldon that the other guy is dead from it but Sheldon will be the one that lives with it. Sheldon is still in pain. Nathan basically yells at the nurse to not worry about Sheldon’s dressing on his neck but to get him something for pain.

Nadalene comes in with Jennifer. Sheldon is still in pain. Nadalene basically yells at the nurses to prioritize what they are doing and get him something for pain.

Sheldon is in agony, they finally give him something for pain.

We are all devastated. Sheldon is devastated. “How did this go from lymphoma to this? From the most curable to the one they can’t cure?”

People are trying to give him hope.

Sheldon can’t see that today, today he only knows that he will die.

I tell him that yes, he has been given a death sentence today, and today, he has that death sentence, but tomorrow; tomorrow there may be some light, but there just isn’t any today.

He wishes he would have just died in the operation and I tell him I am happy that he didn’t. I wasn’t ready to let him go then.

Sheldon asks if I would take the chemo. I said that I would. I tell him that we all want some time. We are just buying time. Time that we can have with the people we love. I tell him that at any point the chemo is too much he can always say that he doesn’t want it anymore.


I’m walking to the elevator and Ben is pushing Sheldon for a walk outside. I turn around and the three of us go outside; there is a little drizzle.

Sheldon tells me that he is okay today. That he is okay with everything. “I love you Auntie Renee.” ‘I love you too Sheldon.”

Sheldon said that when he was sleeping last night he woke up and Angelique and Ben were sitting in the room and he just had a peaceful feeling come over him and he felt that he would be okay. Whatever happens he would be okay.

I told him he will be and I am glad that he felt that way.

He reminded me of how I told him that when I accepted what was happening to me that I was able to get past it. That it did not control my world. He too was accepting it.

He accepts what is going on. He accepts that he will die sooner than later. He accepts that this is his life.

Sheldon wants to have lots of his family and friends around him. He wants the time he has to be happy and loving.

Ben and Sheldon and I are talking and Chrisy comes in and Sheldon was so happy to see her.

The social worker comes to talk to Sheldon and asks how he is doing? Sheldon tells her that they have the results and that no one else in the world has his type of cancer. That he will die and was given a death sentence but that he was okay with it. He tells her that he was very mad yesterday, but today he has accepted his fate and that he plans to live the rest of his life with the people he loves. The social worker is stunned by his attitude.

Dane comes in, and Sheldon is very happy to see him.

I go see Jacquie and stay with her; she is devastated, but she is also okay. She is happy that Sheldon is doing okay emotionally.

I admire Sheldon. I have always loved Sheldon; that goes without saying. But now I know what it really means to truly look up to a person, because, for the first time in my life I look up to someone.

Sheldon is 25 years old and has the heart of a lion.

And to chaos all I can say is ‘Fuck you. You have been beaten by a 25 year old man with the attitude of a God.’


Marion said...

Sheldon IS truly a warrior, Renee, and you all are his allies in this battle he will be waging. I couldn't think of a better group of family members to have around me than yours at a time like this. Stay strong, for we are all holding you up out here in our prayers and thoughts daily...even hourly!! Sending much love your way, dearest friend....Blessings...

Karin Bartimole said...

Renee, I send you love. I know you will be with Sheldon for every moment you possibly can, and I am sure those moments will be life lasting, transcending time and it's illusions. You all are in my heart and prayers, my dear friend. love, Karin

Deborah said...

I am thinking, where is God. As soon as the thought forms, the answer comes - He is right there holding Sheldon up. I do not have the intelligence to understand this, the why, the unfairness of it all. I see the truth, beauty, and strength of your family. My prayer is that the pain that I feel within my heart relieves even the smallest bit of this burdon from you. Sending you all my love, Deborah

Snowbrush said...

"And to chaos all I can say is ‘Fuck you. You have been beaten by a 25 year old man with the attitude of a God.’"

I don't know, Renee. I guess I don't believe in chaos. I do believe in death, and that it is almost surely final, and that I almost surely would not fight against such odds.

Sheldon is lucky to have you. I do believe that.

Artistic Accents by Darla said...

My heart is breaking Renee. I'm so, so, SO sorry!
You are ALL amazing and I don't know that I could be as strong. Because of you and your posts of your struggles and your family's struggles, I think I'll have a better chance when it's my turn to deal with the bad in this life. I know none of us are immune to it, and you make me feel that I'll be able to meet it head on when it's my time.
Prayers still going up!

Michelle said...

Oh god Renee, that is not fair. None of it is fair. How can you still be standing? You are my hero, you annd that young man too. Love to all of you xxxxx

Marie S said...

I say fuck you to cancer too!!!
You go Sheldon, I am praying for you.
Renee, I am so sorry
I love you!

Silke said...

Dear Renee, I truly don't know what to say except that I am sending all my love to you and your family. I am in awe of the strength you all have! Love, Silke

Anonymous said...

your last line really punched made me cry.
i admire your courage.
I am a person dealing with emotional issues for the last 10 years! when I read your posts many a times I get a dose of strength to keep going, thanks

Jaliya said...

Love becomes ferocious at a time like this, doesn't it, Renee? ...


The hearts of lions curse fate ... how can we not ... and then we go on. Love will keep us sane, yes?

My love, my heart, my thoughts ... all with you and your kin.


K said...

that's right...i second that "fuck you" Renee. What a brave soldier he! Surrender and acceptance...the HARDEST things to do yet once we do them...things become just a little bit easier. I am showering you all with love and prayers. Fight Sheldon...Fight!

Holly said...

my heart is broken and my spirit is lifted all at the same time...i love Sheldon too and i don't even know him, or you or Jacqui or your family and i feel we are related in the universe by love and cancer...

Angela Recada said...

Oh my God, dearest Renee. I am so, so sorry to read these words. What a nightmare.

Sheldon is a miracle, and a gift to the world, and a teacher to all of us, as are you and your dear Jacquie. I am humbled by you all.

Please take the time to enjoy the precious moments you all have left to share together. Be selfish. Do whatever you have to do.

I love you, dear friend.

Sarah said...

Oh Renee.. I can't see through the tears. I'm heartbroken for you and Sheldon! I am so amazed by him..bless his sweet young soul!! You know I am here if you need me. I will continue to send healing and calm to you all.
Huge hugs and love, Sarah

Jenny S said...

Holy Shit....that is all I can say. Sheldon sounds like the type of person who CAN beat this if given the chance. It sounds like you guys may have gotten it in time even with the other tumors. Let him know all of blogland is with him and sending healing thoughts his way! I volunteer for the Jimmy V Celebrity Golf Classic for cancer research every year and I will use ya'll first names on our prayer board with your permission. It is next weekend!!

kathy hare said...

I love you Renee... xxxxxxxxx

Art by Sascalia said...

Wow it's so hard to know what to say...Just want to send you my love and let you know I think you are all so brave and that Sheldon sounds like an amazing young man. Wishing you all some happier times.

YayaOrchid said...

So so sorry and sad for this turn of events. Even if it's the last thing you do or feel like doing, continue to pray.

TheChicGeek said...

Oh, Renee, this is so sad...I am crying. What a wonderful young man you have in Sheldon. You are blessed to know him and love him, and we, your readers are blessed to know of this courageous young man.

I will be taking a break for a bit but while I am away I will keep you and all you love in my prayers.

Many Blessings, Renee.



Rikkij said...

Renee- I wanted so bad to yell "FUCK" as loud as I could to the universe and let it echo off Saturns rings. Thank you for saying it first. It was your place to. I feel my arms shaking and anger welling. And yet Sheldon is steady. Ironic, indeed. Sorry for being such a downer. ~rick

PurestGreen said...

Oh Renee I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say.

clairedulalune said...

Oh Renee, I can't even begin to imagine what you are all going through. My thoughts are with you. (((hug)))

Elizabeth said...

I think that I've simulataneously read this as you posted it. And it came over cyberspace just as I was in tears over the stupidest shit. But it's not about ME. It's about Sheldon and you and your family's pain.

I fuck chaos along with you and send my love to you, whom I have never met but love with such intensity in this moment that it must be enough.

Dawn said...

Go Sheldon... what a brave young man; I think he has learned a lot from is aunty Renee xxx I want him to be happy and surrounded by his friends and family too and for everyday to be memorable.

My heart sank when i read the diagnosis - what a bummer to be the only person with that cancer... arghhhh!!!!
Love to Sheldon, Jacquie and of course, you and all the family xxxx

Chrisy said...

Oh darlin darlin I'm so sorry...

Yvonne Anderson said...

Renee....I honestly don't know what to say. I really don't, so I will just tell you that I am thinking of you and your family always. SO much has gone on with you and your beautiful precious family...I can't believe it.
I will think of Sheldon being healed and content. He sounds like a trouper. xxxx

Ces said...

Questions, questions, I have so many questions. This is the reason why I put up with living in this Zulu Land of mine down here. They seem to be throwing wrecking balls on cancer and everyday, the billboard is filled with patients who beat the odds. Now I know more cancer survivors than victims. Surely, Sheldon is in such a similar place, is he receiving the best oncology care? Please say yes. Then we can pray again.

Leks said...

Here comes a silent part of coment as no words left,you said it all!!
And you said it well! Lionheart it is and its your family.Love and love to you and all of your love ones,Aleksandra

soulbrush said...

i am a mere mouse in sheldon's shadow....

Bobbi said...

Renee, wow, Sweetie, I don't even know what to say. I'm sorry just isn't enough nor is it really what I want to say. He's a tough 25 year old and what a fantastic attitude he has! I admire him and my thoughts and prayers are with him, with you, and with your family!
May our Lord please hear all our prayers and may they be with you and your family! God Bless yous!
Hugs and much love to you...

Linda Sue said...

Renee, My Treasure, Sheldon will be OK, no matter what happens on this plane because Sheldon is amazing in his spirit and he travels with the best. I send all the love I can possible muster to you and your incredible family, Sheldon already knows about this love- he just does because he is...I am sorry for all of the shite especially insensitive nurses- been there- and it seems that they are deaf to pain seeing it all the time- no excuse...
Thank you so much for the little bear giving a penguin light ...I am smiling and loving you! All will be as it will be- it is OK , in the big picture...
So sorry, my love.

Baino said...

It just keeps coming. What an incredibly brave young man. He's also very fortunate to have all of you around him when he needs you most. Keep taking him outside into the fresh air. My mother was a nurse and used to say "There is no reason why anyone should be in pain" . .you keep yelling at those bloody nurses and make sure he's comfortable even if they have to give him an epidural to do it. Hearts out to you Renee, I just wish all our warm thought, prayers and karmer were actually doing something. I'm going to hug my kids all day today. I'm so thankful that they're healthy.

karengberger said...

Amen. And by that 25-year old man's aunt, who loves as fiercely as a lioness, and who can walk with him as no one else can. Thank God for you, Renee!

Anonymous said...

Dear Renee,
I send you,Sheldon, and Jacquline love& prayers. Amist the reign of chaos there is a a special place/moment of peace and love that very few people are ever able to find. Too many of us are only able to focus on the strife of Chaos. I am so glad that Sheldon and Jacquline have found that special place and peace & love surround their world now. Their ability to do that and remain in that place also comes from the termendous love your family has for each other. My dear dear friend, I am loving you.

love DPG

Sarah Lulu said...

Oh what an inspiration Sheldon is.

My prayers are with you all.

lakeviewer said...

Renee, you are there for a reason. Sheldon looks to you for guidance, for comfort, for strength. And you are being strong for him; you are disecting this monster and looking at it straight in the face. As long as you and the rest of the family are there with him, Sheldon will face the monster and live to tell about it. He has the will. You have the faith. God has the power.

secret agent woman said...

Oh dear God, Renee. I'm crying too hard to even find words except I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Ribbon said...

Too sad Renee...
You're an amazing family. Truely inspirational.

Much love being sent your way.

Ribbon xoxoxo

Allegra Smith said...

Where there is life, there is hope. Trite as it may sound I do believe that in the darkest hour a sliver of light can make all the difference.

How about he is the first one to survive with this kind of cancer? Remember what I told you about someone getting less than a year to live in 2005? Since there isn't any narrative to go back and check who lived and who died after chemo from this type of cancer, then wouldn't it be right to believe that Sheldon may be perhaps the one?

Sorry, I am not being Pollyanna here. I just believe that for as long as he is at peace with whatever outcome, he will have the best chance. I do not fear death and for that reason I believe I am still alive. And so is he. I love you girlfriend and chaos can go to Hell in a handbasket.


Cancer = Chaos.

Release the chaos.

Be well.
Do good.
All ways.
All days.
Stay true.

~Babs said...

Renee, I won't repeat what's already been well said here.
I only want you to know that I'm here.
And so is He,,,,

Lizzy Frizzfrock said...

Oh Renee, I am so, so sorry you & your family & Sheldon is having to endure this illness. My heart goes out to you all. You are such a strong and supportive person and are of great value to Sheldon.
Love to you all, Cheryl

@eloh said...

Peace. So thankful he found peace so quickly. God be with you Renee.

Anonymous said...

With each prayer I say for you, Jackie and Sheldon, I refuse to end it with amen, for I am refusing to stop.
Your family is made of beautiful people and this post is just another proof of it.

Sue said...

"And to chaos all I can say is ‘Fuck you. You have been beaten by a 25 year old man with the attitude of a God.’"

Renee, I am so angry at this terrible storm that has hit your family. My heart breaks for Sheldon, what an unbelievably courageous young man. It is too much.

I send prayers of courage, love and miracles to you, Sheldon and Jacqui and the rest of your family.

Woman in a Window said...

Oh Renee.
Oh Sheldon.
If I had big boots
and could walk thunder
I would walk it harder and louder
than any big man in a big hall
and I would find Chaos
and give him more than the finger.

kj said...

i love what deborah said, every word of it. she expressed how i feel.

Debra said...

Renee, there is nothing. I have nothing . I sit here weeping for him, you, everyone and anyone. To go from hope to the depths of despair. I wish I cold say something,anything that might help, but I sit in silence.
I love you, I love Jacquie, my heart goes out to her and Sheldon. I cannot grasp why it took this long to find out,I try to reason why and I can't.
Please if there is anything I could say or do to help within my power, you only need to ask.
I will pray, although right now I feel like it is falling on deaf ears.

Julie said...

Renee~I just want you to know...I'm still reading and still praying & I truly send you all the love I have in my heart :( xxxxxx

Sydney said...

Your friend here, rendered speechless.

Mariana Soffer said...

My god, good luck to sheldon, he seeems to be an amzing person, althogh sometimes that is not enough in this world, let me tell you that the fact that he is like that makes him more valuable that most 70 year old people in this earth

Anonymous said...

Sweet Renee...You are the grandest woman I have ever witnessed...I wish you were geographically very close to me..You touch my heart again and again with your endless are the ultimate human..

PS You won an issue of Artful Blogging..and it will be on its way to you soon.

Much love..Orly

Bella Sinclair said...

If only I could give Sheldon a kiss on the forehead. He is my newest hero, my idol, my lion. The only person in the world with that type of cancer. Incredible. I cried from the shock and the sorrow.

I am so grateful that he has time to spend with the people he loves, that you are all there to be with him, and that he is not wasting his days on anger. He is teaching me so much about dignity and bravery. And so are you and Jacquie. I love you all so much it hurts. I am praying that one day, there will be a cure named after Sheldon.


Caroline said...

How utterly devasting. How amazingly brave. My love to you Renee.

one little acorn said...

Dear Renee. I know you are all devastated and your hearts are breaking. I know too that there is nothing I can say to take away the pain. My Mum often said she would have swapped places with my brother and that you and Jacquie would do the same with Sheldon.
I wish you love and miracles. Nothing less is good enough. I am keeping you close in my thoughts and heart. xx

pRiyA said...

i dread saying something in these situations because i dislike churning out platitudes. but when i read about sheldon, i think Gosh! and Wow!

Delwyn said...

Dear Renee

I send you and your family love.

Happy days

LDWatkins said...

I do so admire your strength and Sheldon's. He's just been dealt a death blow but can rise above it. Your strength has strengthened him. Angels have gathered and are touching all of you. So much love being sent your way. Blessings..Lynda

Mim said...

My mom had ovarian cancer 35years ago and was told there was little hope . She said "hell with that ,I'm gonna get well and she did". Sheldon has every chance in the world to be ok. Don't listen to statistics. Don't just pray. Fight this challenge with all you've got.and sheldon has his wonderful family to be there for him. Renew -my brother is an oncologist. I'd be happy to ask him to look into things if you send me info by email. The gloves are off, and the fight is on. Knowledge and passion are your weapons.

Additionally...I will certainly keep praying for you all...lots!

Lola said...

I am without words.

Sheldon is an example of strength and courage, traits which apparently run in the family.

I feel ashamed at my luck, my health and my petty little problems in the face of the news you so gently report.

My prayers are with you all, Renee. They do not bring solace or solution. But they are heartfelt and honest.

I'm so sorry. So sorry...

Rikkij said...

Renee- Yes I sometimes feel anger at how things are. Not sure it does any good but placates for a time. I enjoy walking with you in all emotions. Just wish I could do more. Your friend, Rick

yoborobo said...

Renee - Sheldon is all that is good and kind and brave. I am thankful that you are there with him. I know you are a lioness, and you will make sure he gets the very best from those caring for him. Your family must be so weary. I am sending you strength, and love...because there are no words. xoxox Pam

Terri said...

I pray Sheldon defies the odds. There was a commercial here in the states about a woman with cancer she went for a second opinon at another hospital that specializes in cancer treatment...what stood out for me in the commercial was the first doctor gave her only x amount of time to live...when she asked the second doctor how much time she had left...the new doctor replied... I didn't see an experiation date stamped on your foot.
There is a lot to be said for the treatment, the attitude of the doctors, and then of course the patient. I don't think I'm saying you anything new here. We have a strong will to live and I hope and pray in all of your cases you all defy the odds.

A Gift Wrapped Life said...

I didn't want to read this news today and you certainly didn't want to write it......but surely Sheldon will know that we are all thinking and praying for him and I hope that helps. I cannot imagine your family's pain and anquish right now, but I do see the immense love. Praying, praying, praying.......XOXO

Arija said...

Renee, when I read this this morning I could not think of anything else to say except a row of expletives starting with sh.. !
I took you all on a long walk around the farm with me to try to untie the knots in my stomach.
My compliments to Sheldon, for someone so young to have so much wisdom, fortitude and the ability to realize that the time that there is is best spent enjoying being with those he loves rrather than wasting it on repining is just remarkable. What a wise and wonderful youn man. If I say anymore I will again weep...

Daria said...

Unbelievable ... I'm so sorry ... I don't know what else to say.

Anonymous said...

My dearest special Renee, your heart is broken and I am only able to write to you with tears. Sheldon is a brave solider.
What you are all going through is awful. Minutes/seconds matter and yet fade. Oh how can these times happen to you. It doesn't seem right at all and it isn't!
The next story may not be right to help but I need to share it anyway in the hope that it might. A story of a man who went to china for an operation I think it was £15.000 though.
There is one story I was told about a man who had pollops/tumours not sure which. He was told he would die and there is nothing the doctors could do.
There is a freezing type operation that was invented by a man for pets/animals that is not allowed for humans in the uk. Basically this man went to china where they do this operation there. By going in and freezing the pollops/tumours off he felt better very quickly and didn't need a long time picking up. A chinese man told me this in Doncaster. I don't know anymore but would go and ask him if you thought it would help.
This may be a long shot in the dark.
I will keep you in my heart Renee and your precious family.
If you needed to set a fund up if you thought this op would work also I would chip in.
I am sending you the biggest hug and kiss my dear sister!
Love you!

Woman in a Window said...

I don't just write it, Renee. I feel it. I want it. And I fucken hate it that I don't have such big boots.

Noreen said...

My dearest Renee, I continue to be speachless.

I am amazed at the strength, love and the support that is within your family.

My prayers continue to be with you all.

studio lolo said...

I'm not often at a loss for words, but today I am.

All I can continue to do is keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers. And I'm thinking of Jacquie with two huge battles.
We're not supposed to lose our children but it happens every day.
I hope she finds the strength to be there for herself as well as her dear son.

Thank God for the rest of you.
love love love,

Brandi said...

I lost a friend recently to cancer. I'm so sorry.

Sarah said...

Oh Renee I have thought about you all week and all I can say is I continue to send love to you and your family. I had the same thought about Sheldon as Allegra and want this to be the way it goes. Take care my lovely friend.
Sarah xx

ArtPropelled said...

What can one say at a time such as this? I wish you strength and peace of mind.

Anonymous said...

Sweetest Renee, I am here best I can be, if you need anything I could help with. Bless you all! Lots of love to you all!

kendalee said...

"...the heart of a lion." If one could choose a heart for someone one loves to have in a situation like this, this would be the one. My thoughts are with you, Renee - all of you.

sanda reynolds Mullingar,Ireland said...

I dealt with this already 3 times in life, so I will say again, from the bottom of my heart " Fuck you cancer!" as well.
I can't tell you how sorry I am, and how angry I feel at the unfairness of it all!
I pray for you all, with all my love,
PS Thank you so much for your comment!

Beth said...

Oh Renee, I am so sad and frustrated to hear this, it's not fair at all. How can your family take this? I hope you are getting some hugs and comfort from Domenic. Take care... Beth

kj said...

renee, please trust mim and send her information. i feel strongly that is a good thing to do.

i would trust mim with my life.

all these prayers are shaking up the universe. sheldon has a for real chance.

love soaring deep and true to my moon sister and wonderful friend,

Silver said...


i remember all those yelling too at those nurses.. i felt like a total b*tch. But i guess they are used to attitudes like that ;) When we see our loved ones in pain- we want that fixed FIRST. Period.

He's in the Light. So are You. Pain leads us there, forces us to look UP..and be brave and Courageous.

I am so proud of Sheldon. I am so proud of you.


Sonia ;) said...


Wow...what strength and courage..He has given all of here in my family someone to look up to...Tell Sheldon I find comfort, positive emotion and strength from him a young I have never met. Someone to look up to is hard to athlete, actor, poet, or saint can compare to his quiet strength right now...I thank him for showing everyone what a real hero is...not rescue, not fire, not police...But with his strength in calm awareness and positive attitude...I cry as I read this and have been following...But today I realize what strength really is...Its Sheldon...

xoxoxoxoxoxox Love ya Lovey

nollyposh said...

Dearest Renee i will Keep You and your Family in my Heart Always & i will Never stop Believing in You for YOU my Loveliest Bloggy Friend are my Hero <3

yoborobo said...

Renee, I have thought of Sheldon all day long. I wish there were some words I could type that would take away the pain, or help us to understand any of this, but I know there are none. So I will just say that I hold you all in my heart, and I am going to keep praying. xox Pam

~* The Beldame on Peach Street *~ said...

Hi Renee

I am very sorry to hear this news. I'm sorry for him because he's so young, I'm sorry for his mom, no mom should have see her child like this especially when she is sick too, I'm sorry for you and your family having so very much to deal with. It isn't fair. But I am greatful that you share them with us, that you share you with us. We are all fighting a battle of some sort and in mine I look up to all of you. You are my heroes.

Lots & lots of love,

Tammy said...

Oh God Renee,
I stopped over to tell you there is an award for you on my blog, never expected to read this horrible news.
God Renee, I praying so hard for you all.
What the Hell is God thinking..
Please, if you need anything.
God Love you all!
Many, Many Hugs and Prayers!

Draffin Bears said...

Hi Renee,

Your Family is an amazing one, for the strength, love and courage you all have.
I hope that Sheldon will be like a lion and get the needed strength to get through this with the help and love and prayers from his family and all the friends that are here for him.
Prayers and hugs, are with you all
Carolyn xo

Bimbimbie said...

Renee, I don't have the words to express how sad your post leaves me. Your nephew is a special person, I think some of your spirit has rubbed off on him.

Anonymous said...

"And to chaos all I can say is ‘Fuck you. You have been beaten by a 25 year old man with the attitude of a God.’"
Renee, I don't know you, but am praying for you and family..
The story is unfortunate to us.. but to God it is up to him.
I am not sure what "chaos" is?
I am sorry I don't understand that part.. but I read the story and my prayers are here for strength and understanding.
hugs, Darlene xo

Loni Edwards said...

Powerful. Enlightening. Riveting. Thank you Renee. Your writing sings to my soul.

joanne May said...

Dear Renee,
Sheldon sounds a wonderful man who truly does have the heart of a lion.
When I was young, (about seven years old) I looked after my grandmother who had cancer. I know she was elderly and some people would say she had a full life but I thought the world of her and I learnt at a young age what it is like to loose someone you love.
I admired her courage, as she always kept smiling even when she was in pain. I learnt a lot from her. She was a great woman and so are you!
I wish you and Sheldon so much love and I understand how you must be feeling.
Take care.
Love Jo.xx

Anonymous said...

Dearest Renee, I send all my love to You and Your family!Be with all Your love by Sheldon You all are everything now for him. Huge hugs, Kristina

Moniqui said...

Thank you for your sweet comment on my blog. Today was my first visit to your blog because you posted so much lovely art. I am sorry to read about the hardships you and your family are faced with. I wish you strenght and all the best. You will be in my thoughts. Hugs,Monique

Karin Bartimole said...

Dear Renee, just wanted you to know i'm thinking of you and holding you closely. love, Karin

Kelly Lish said...

Dear Renee, you wrote on my blog that I am beautiful-you gave me a gift even though you are the one who should be recieving gifts. YOU are beautiful! I will put you and yours in my prayers. If I could touch you I would give you a giant love filled hug. Life is so very strange sometimes. Your strength is so bright, I can feel it from here. I'm sending you lots of love.


Jeanne-ming said...

Sending all the angels I know.

Jeanne said...

Sheldon has the heart of a lion, and whether he wins this battle, or succumbs, that will always be true. said...

What can I say that hasn't been said so well before me? Renee you and your family have been through so much, and you still fight so strong- I am in immense awe of you, and Sheledon and the rest of your family as well. I wish there was something I could do, something I could say...

I love you Renee!

mermaid said...

I felt so much when I read your last line: anger, sadness, hope, courage. That line sums up our hearts as humans, this life.

Diana Evans said...

I have nothing to say that can make this any better....I wish I could ..say something.....I am here for you and I am so grateful to have you in my life.....

you always teach me to appreciate what I have and to live each day to the fullest....

Sheldon is such a strong soul and I know that you are just as strong and will be there all you can to make these days amazing.....



Anonymous said...

Please check out
It is a forum for people with lymphoma and their loved ones. There is a wealth of experience there. I am a survivor of nHL. I realize that Sheldon has a rare lymphoma but the forum is a good place to go for recommendations on experts, experience with different chemos, clinical trials etc.

kathi said...

I wish you peace this morning. To Sheldon I wish comfort. There is no reason for physical pain. Emotional pain can only be relieved through prayer. My prayers are with you.
I can't even imagine what you are all going through right now. My thoughts and prayers for peace are with you. Please tell dear Sheldon he is in God's hands and many many people are lifting him up in prayer.

Coastal Sisters said...

How blessed your family is to have you in their lives. You are so strong for everyone else. Sheldon is just amazing...what a remarkable young man.

Sending you love,

Cheryl Lynn said...

Renee, I came to your blog from Bella's blog, after she asked for our prayers for you and your family. I am sorry to hear about Sheldon.

I pray to the Healer of all diseases, the One who died to eradicate pain and sorrow. I don't know your belief system and I hope I am not offending you, but I have known Jesus to be a healer against impossible odds. My mother was healed from cancer and stayed with me for another 11 years before deciding to go home and be with our Lord.

I will pray for Sheldon, and I am glad that God has given him a peace that surpasses all understanding.

"Peace I leave with you, peace I give unto you; not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27

The blessings, healing virtue of God, and His peace be with you and Sheldon.

Barbara said...

Dear Renee,

My heart goes out to you and your family, to Sheldon who is too young for this. The unfairness of it all breaks my heart. How fortunate that he has you in all this to be his rock. Even if you feel like quicksand. He is lucky to have you.
Love and prayers for you all,
Barbara (Sarah's sister)

Wendy said...

How sad. Yes, Sheldon truly is a warrior and with such a supportive family, he will get through.
Hugs and prayers,

BT said...

Oh Renee, I read this with my hand to my mouth. It cannot be. But of course it is and what a man that Sheldon is at just 25 years of age. I am thinking of you all. You are a tower of strength for Sheldon, as are all your lovely family and that will help him in the days to come. Love to you and your family. XXXX

Kate James said...

How lucky Sheldon is to have you by his side Renee. It obviously gives him great comfort.

25 is so is so very unfair.

Daria said...

I am so so sorry ...

Indigene said...

Sheldon is a magnificent human being, and I'm sure he's gotten some of that from you. I truly understand how you feel, since I am dealing with my sister's cancer. The bad days are bad, but my God, when the days are good, they are so beautiful and precious! You and your family continue to stay in my prayers. Blessings and peace.

Amy C said...

Dear sweet Renee, you are an incredible and a truly beautiful person.

Isabel said...

I got here via Bella Sinclair and I have to tell favorite uncle, the one that was just 6 years my oldest died at 21 of lymphoma and to this day I do not know where his light came from, but like Sheldon he had the attitude of a God.
He was there comforting us, making us laugh, even when he was in the most excruciating pain.

I'm holding your giver/warrior in my heart knowing he already won against the chaos.
Transcending it...being immortal.

Sending positive energy for Sheldon and his family



Chuck Dilmore said...

dear Renee...

please know that i am sending
to you, Sheldon, and your people
a quiet meditation...

healing vibes

peace~ Chuck

Bone*Head*Studios said...

My aches and pains and worries all seem so minute...I only hope that I can be as brave and strong as the both of you, if and when I recieve such devastating news.
many prayers and blessings,

~ maggie crawford ~ said...

sending you love & prayers ...


Amy C said...

oh Renee, big hug and kiss

Snowbrush said...

I came to reread some of Renee's posts, and was sad to see that all of the later ones are gone. I hope that no more of them will be removed.