Friday, 7 August 2009
Times Three No. 6
Thursday afternoon, August 6, 2009, there was a loud crack and I haven’t been able to hear or see since.
Chaos sat on his throne, shook his scepter in the air and cackled.
There is to be a family meeting, Sheldon’s results are in. Jacquie was brought to his room in her bed and Sheldon was opposite in his bed. Ben, Jennifer, Gil and I sat or stood around. Mickey and Joey are waiting in the room at the end of the hall.
The oncologist said:
‘Sheldon it is not good news, I’m afraid.’
‘There is only one person in the world who has the kind of tumor you have.’
‘We can offer chemo which would be quite intense, but even then we don’t have any knowledge of how to treat this.’
‘The cancer started where the esophagus meets the stomach.’
‘The chemo regiment would be five days on with you having chemo every three hours, 24 hours a day for five days and then two weeks off.’
‘In all of the literature there are only three articles on this type of cancer.’
‘The person who had this type of cancer died in surgery in Turkey and was not treated with chemo.’
‘You are the only person living in the world that we know of that has this type of cancer.’
‘We do not believe that you have had this cancer long.’
‘You still have tumors, as they were unable to remove them all during surgery.’
‘If you want chemo we will put in a port and start as soon as you heal from your surgery.’
‘I’m sorry Sheldon.’
‘Do you want me to treat you Sheldon?’ “Yes.”
The room has disappeared; there is only a black hole.
I hear questions.
Everyone is still here.
Ben and I leave the room and talk to the doctor.
During the evening Sheldon is in severe pain. I basically yell at the nurses to get their shit together and get him something.
Nathan tells Sheldon that the other guy is dead from it but Sheldon will be the one that lives with it. Sheldon is still in pain. Nathan basically yells at the nurse to not worry about Sheldon’s dressing on his neck but to get him something for pain.
Nadalene comes in with Jennifer. Sheldon is still in pain. Nadalene basically yells at the nurses to prioritize what they are doing and get him something for pain.
Sheldon is in agony, they finally give him something for pain.
We are all devastated. Sheldon is devastated. “How did this go from lymphoma to this? From the most curable to the one they can’t cure?”
People are trying to give him hope.
Sheldon can’t see that today, today he only knows that he will die.
I tell him that yes, he has been given a death sentence today, and today, he has that death sentence, but tomorrow; tomorrow there may be some light, but there just isn’t any today.
He wishes he would have just died in the operation and I tell him I am happy that he didn’t. I wasn’t ready to let him go then.
Sheldon asks if I would take the chemo. I said that I would. I tell him that we all want some time. We are just buying time. Time that we can have with the people we love. I tell him that at any point the chemo is too much he can always say that he doesn’t want it anymore.
I’m walking to the elevator and Ben is pushing Sheldon for a walk outside. I turn around and the three of us go outside; there is a little drizzle.
Sheldon tells me that he is okay today. That he is okay with everything. “I love you Auntie Renee.” ‘I love you too Sheldon.”
Sheldon said that when he was sleeping last night he woke up and Angelique and Ben were sitting in the room and he just had a peaceful feeling come over him and he felt that he would be okay. Whatever happens he would be okay.
I told him he will be and I am glad that he felt that way.
He reminded me of how I told him that when I accepted what was happening to me that I was able to get past it. That it did not control my world. He too was accepting it.
He accepts what is going on. He accepts that he will die sooner than later. He accepts that this is his life.
Sheldon wants to have lots of his family and friends around him. He wants the time he has to be happy and loving.
Ben and Sheldon and I are talking and Chrisy comes in and Sheldon was so happy to see her.
The social worker comes to talk to Sheldon and asks how he is doing? Sheldon tells her that they have the results and that no one else in the world has his type of cancer. That he will die and was given a death sentence but that he was okay with it. He tells her that he was very mad yesterday, but today he has accepted his fate and that he plans to live the rest of his life with the people he loves. The social worker is stunned by his attitude.
Dane comes in, and Sheldon is very happy to see him.
I go see Jacquie and stay with her; she is devastated, but she is also okay. She is happy that Sheldon is doing okay emotionally.
I admire Sheldon. I have always loved Sheldon; that goes without saying. But now I know what it really means to truly look up to a person, because, for the first time in my life I look up to someone.
Sheldon is 25 years old and has the heart of a lion.
And to chaos all I can say is ‘Fuck you. You have been beaten by a 25 year old man with the attitude of a God.’