Tuesday, 17 November 2009

50s Housewife Quiz No. 6

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

All together gang. ‘I’m all ears.’

This is how it went down in the Khan household.

I hear what Wahid says, but that doesn’t mean I listen to him. When the kids were little and we were running like chickens with our heads cut off after work, Wahid could be talking and you would hear me from any room in the house yelling ‘yeah’ ‘what’ ‘can’t hear you’ etc.

Usually what would happen as soon as I heard the door open I would be talking about what had to be done. Now I sit on the couch with the heating pad behind my back and Wahid opens the door, comes around the corner and says ‘Hi Dearest.’ I say ‘How was work?’ Wahid tells me and I really do listen.

However saying that, if Nathan comes in with Wahid which he usually does as they carpool, I am much more anxious to hear about the kids at school and what they did and if it was fun, etc. Poor Wahid on the backburner again.

If I have something important to tell Wahid believe me he is going to hear it when he gets in the door. That is why it is called ‘important’. It has more import than hearing what the price of eggs is in China.

If I waited for Wahid to talk first I would wait forever. Beyond the initial ‘Hi Dearest’ it is quiet and so instead he listens to me yap and usually smiles and laughs. Wahid’s conversations are rarely more important than mine. Equally as important, yes, but rarely more important.

Listen to him (Failed). You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time (Failed, if I have something important to say it is going to be said). Let him talk first – remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours (Failed because neither of our topics of conversation are usually important).


Allegra Smith said...

I never think in terms of who goes first. If I have something to say, I say it, if B has something to say, he does. We are equals in every respect of the word, and the idea that one of us should wait because of rank continues to be something I cannot wrap my head around.

How are you doing today sweet pea? I am still feeling like my legs are made of jell-o. I get up a little more each day, but I am so tired and unfortunately sleep eludes me, which of course makes me even more tired. Thinking of you and Jacquie with love, as always.

Jenny S said...

Some of those things crack me up! I saw one one time that said, "Put on a fresh apron, redo your makeup and hair and put on some perfume so he cannot smell the cleaning you have been doing all day. He is not interested in what makes the clothes the whitest, just that his shirts are pressed when he needs them!" ACCCKKK!

Michael Rivers said...

It's so fascinating to look back on this times. It's so insulting to read now. In a very weird way I suppose these rules were making the housewives role important. Everything to do, remember, work on, etc. But it seems so repressive and wrong! Well, it is!

Artistic Accents by Darla said...

Hi Dearest!
I just love some of the 50's hints for being a happy homemaker.
I bet men don't like that things have changed though. haha
I remember my mother always, ALWAYS signed her checks, etc. with 'Mrs. (Dad's Name)' as if she lost her name completely when she married. And she was happy to do it :)

Have a good one!
Love, Darla

Micki said...

Funny!! i'm a failed housewife too me and the kids launch into shouting things at daddy the second he walks in the door, he never knows who to listen to first ;)

Micki x

Meghann LittleStudio said...

LOL, I love those - like the, "Take a nap so you are freshest for him when he gets home" I nap 'cause I'm damn tired and if I don't, I'll forget my own name, LOL.
Hugs and prayers

Arija said...

I was just married in the late fifties when all this idiotic advice was dished out to young women by the barrelful.
When he came in the door and I asked "How was your day dear?" he seased up and just about accused me of being the Spanish inquisition. How was I to knpw he had been interrogated by his mother when he came hme from school and had later had the information used against him?
And another thing, with two children and being at art school myself, where could I possibly find the time to lie down for half an hour and redo my makeup before he walked in the door as well as oversee homework and cook dinner?
The popular magazine indoctrination of subservience did a lot of harm to woman kind, keeping us firmly in our places.
Thank God times have changed.

Manon Doyle said...

I laughed out loud at this! Boy.... this stuff wouldn't cut it today....LOL! Oh... and you forgot" make me a drink woman and put my dinner on the table!"

hope you're having a great morning Renee!!


Anonymous said...

Renee, This is one of the best days ever! I wish it could be just as good for you!
Abi's gone to pick up the littlest from school with Hannah, she's never been before as usually at school herself. She had the afternoon off too. We are just in shock but in a good way.
Bless you Renee!
Luv and hugz!

A Gift Wrapped Life said...

Jeez......kind of sounds like my household Renee! The advantage of being married to a good listener. XO

glorv1 said...

I try to listen as best I can. Sometimes it's hard because what I say gets lost somewhere in the conversation. It doesn't bother me, I just shrug and listen to what he has to say about work and all it's problems. I'd much rather hear him talking than not at all.
Hope you are doing fine, have a great Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, etc. :D Take care, I have to get ready to go exercise. (as if it's doing any good) I need to firm up. hehehehe.

Diana Evans said...

Hi Renee!!! what a fun post!!! I had a bit of a chuckle for some things here....lol....

I always told my friends that they should be good wives and mothers and still do everything a woman needs to do to make the house a home...they used to scream at me...but I guess my Mom taught me these things and they have stuck with me...Brad loves it and he always makes me believe in my dreams so I first and foremost always take care of him and Cole...


Deborah said...

HA! That was good for a laugh. I think all of our lives were exactly the same while raising small children. Except my Mom. I think she really did all those things! **blows kisses** Deb

kj said...

You are a total dear, Renee. I can just see this scene. But honestly, it is enough most of the time just to come home to your beautiful eyes. They are better than words.

I try to be pleasant and present whenever I greet anyone. I catch he'll at home if I'm preoccupied from the get-go

are you staying still? Don't cheat

love love

Linda Sue said...

Listen, that's what we do, we fetch and wait and serve...that's why when we get in a gaggle of our own kind we sound like poultry on bennies...at home we do not get that sort of verbal freedom- because we are good wives...That is also what makes us good bloggers and able to connect to others ... husband is rather stuck in the 50's(could things have been better for men???)- I don't even try.
love you- you're right, of course- kids first!

Manon Doyle said...


or... "let me take off your socks sweetheart and rub your tired feet while you watch your favorite football team play!" lol!! "Oh.... and can I refresh your drink before your gourmet meal is served?" hee, hee

RNSANE said...

What I think is important is that you are there waiting for him, loving him, not what you say or who listens first, etc. Your love has endured the raising of children, stressful times, happiness, and all the gamut in between. You get your two cents in and so will he. Blessings to you both!

Manon Doyle said...


"Sir.... after the game shall I turn into a large pepperoni and mushroom?" hee, hee

Annie said...

I believe it is important to listen when anyone has something to say, though I don't always do it.
I am sending you a boat load of hugs today. xoxo

Jackie said...

LOL ,, Renee You make me laugh.
I guess you could say I was kinda like a wild stallion when I got married .I was 17 when I got married and very strong headed. In feb I will have been married 24 years and thank god my husband is opposite of me . He was always loving and patient , if not I doubt our marriage would have ever survived also I have gottem much mellower with age. He lives with me and two teenage daughters so we do most of the talking:) POOR hubby!!

Angela Recada said...

My mother was/is a 100% 50s wife. It worked for them, but would have made me homicidal. Things have sure changed, thank God.

Your Wahid sounds a lot like my Charlie - not much of a talker. There's no point in waiting for my guy to start a conversation. It's a good thing I always have plenty to say.

Hugs and love,

@eloh said...

Weren't they supposed to be kinda naked too? Or is that just something my own mind has superimposed on the whole Donna Reed era?

I remember Kathy Bates in Fried Green Tomatoes where she wraps herself in cellophane...maybe that was what gave that some creedence in my mind.

karen gerstenberger said...

How times have changed...the way that we look at things, the way we see ourselves, the way we do things.
I am with you; if it's important, it comes to the surface right away...and nowadays, people often text or call about it, rather than waiting to talk at home.
It's a blessing that we are considered equally important now. Of course, a lot of that 1950s advice assumed that his day was harder than yours...but we know that isn't necessarily true, either!
My favorite thing to do when Gregg comes home from work is to take a walk with him. During that time, lots of things are discussed, and we relax and breathe together. It's a nice way to connect, after being apart & doing different things all day.

Ces said...

Gosh, cheer up guys, it's only listening. Try being the second or the fifth wife of seven or eight or better yet, belong to a culture where women do not matter or it is acceptable for them to be battered and beaten..

yoborobo said...

Wait, Renee, I'm confused. I thought we were supposed to wrap ourselves in cellophane and open the door holding a martini (cold, gently stirred, two olives). Hahahah! Here's what I say about 5,000 times a day to my DH, "Huh?" hahah! I am off in my own little world. I got here because having raised 6 kids, I have learned to tune out the universe! I hear nothing. If it's important, you'd better get right up in my face and shout at me. I would type more but it's getting late and I must nap and put on fresh make-up, and find my cellophane. haha! xoxoxox Pam

PS Beads, eh? Bwa hahahahaha!

Ces said...

Well, first of all, do couples really talk? My husband does not have to say anything, I know exactly what he is thinking and what he wants - BUT HE IS NOT GETTING IT!

Elizabeth said...

Oh, that stuff cracks me up. I imagine what my life would be like if I were doing what a woman was supposed to do in the fifties. I'd be on some serious valium, I suppose, for depression. Or in prison for killing my husband.

Thanks for the laugh --

Marie S said...

I swear that is a picture of my mom and dad. It is so funny how they have changed so much from that time.
They are more like you now.
I feel that there can be no rule book for a relationship, it has to be done according to what make the two people in question work together well.
I can not believe how many years that I beat myself up for not being perfect.

You though are perfect.
Love and hugs my pretty.

lakeviewer said...

Those good old suggestions were splattered all over the magazines, making us feel guilty if we had any thoughts of our own.

Did men get suggestions about how to be good husbands? I didn't read any.

Draffin Bears said...

Hi Renee,

Through thick and thin and just being there, for each other, I think is important.
I am glad that these 50's rules have changed and instead of the guy thinking he is on a pedestal we are now on the same level.

Sending hugs
Carolyn xo

Michelle said...

Snorty snort snort!

I love these housewifey things...

I SO FAIL every single one every single time...likely why I am single!
What's that dear?? You are more important than me????Why, let me show you the door dear....SLAM!

Love you!


Ces said...

You mean you ask Wahid to get his own clean socks from the drawer?

Clara said...

thank you ever so much. I'm quite enchanted by you as well. :)

Yoli said...

I have read this before and as a joke I tried to do it for one day and I failed miserably. Trust me, as bad and hilarious as it is reading it, try doing it.

Marie S said...

The older I get Renee, the more I realize how perfect each and every one of us is. Even with all of the so called flaws, bad habits, and idiosyncrasies. This is what makes us diverse, learn, and experience life to the fullest.
Don’t live up to that 50’s fa├žade it will not work now and you will crack. Most of them cracked.
You are Unique, you are Renee, and you are perfect!!!
And your family and friends love you.

clairedulalune said...

How times have changed Renee! I have left a wee present for you on my blog!

Angie Muresan said...

The best laugh I've had all day! Oh dear, was it really that bad?
Wahid sounds like a wonderful man. How lovely that he allows you to be yourself.

Karin Bartimole said...

I love Wahid for his "Hi Dearest" - that seems enough to hear to make a heart smile.
With those rules I gotta say, all our 'failures' of yesterday are triumphs for today! Ideally s/he who speaks first will be listened to, and the rest can flow from there!...
love you,

Silke said...

Oh, that made me laugh! Isn't it fun to look back at how things "used to be?" Although sometimes they still are that way now... Not in our family, I'm happy to say... I have an old cookbook from Germany that covers all of those things as well - not just cooking but also how to have a peaceful household and keep your man happy. Entertaining reading! :) Love, Silke

mansuetude said...

found some old woman's column in a wall of a house we remodeled once; it was all about how to please a man (look your best, listen, etc) when he comes home. It was almost frightening.

listening is a gift we give to each other.
sometimes without words shared.

so i came over to say ok
i witness it!
you are love, Love

and Loved.

hope you're well.

Mim said...

The comments here crack me up as much as the original post.
I am waiting for DH to come home. We will quickly go to opposite ends of the house because I have to clean and do my wash before we go away next week, and he has to pay the bills, and do other manly stuff before next week. We have little time in our lives to worry about who makes dinner, or who cleans or other silly stuff.
Anyway - this is fun stuff to think about.

Lori ann said...

You are so funny and cute dear Renee. I'm laughing because what you say is so true here too. It's good to be a good listener, then you get listened to too. It helps to have beautiful husbands.

and bless the heating pad, who ever dreamed that up deserves a big kiss.

lots of love,

Poetic Artist said...

This is funny and true..Men !!!

Anonymous said...

Ahhh... don't you just wish we all lived in the '50s! Dad comes home. Mom serves him a martini and he lights a cigarette and he reads the evening paper.

The kids are politely doing their homework, and saying 'yes m'am' and 'yes sir'. Mother is busy in the kitchen busily cooking dinner, cleaning the house, doing all the shopping, practically raising the kids on her own...and she's smiling and enjoying it all the way...


I would go insane if I was raised in the '50s. I enjoy turbulence far too much!!

Doris Sturm said...

Oh, my, how times have changed. I get a kick out of watching those old movies when everyone smoked and the wife handed the husband his martine as soon as he walked through the door (speaking of nurturing an alcohol problem.)

I love those old "The Nelsons" TV shows where Harriet always manages in her subte and diplomatic way to get her point across with Ozzie. Makes me laugh!

Have a great day, Renee!

Maggie's garden said...

I was the epitome of the 50's style wife...it seems a lifetime ago. It worked for us even in the the 70's and 80's. It wasn't expected of me; it was more my choice. For a good 16 years....and I'd take those years back in a heartbeat if I could. It's not for everyone, and isn't it nice that we have choices. We've come a long way baby! Hi Dearest sounds wonderful...lucky you. Love and hugs

Debra Kay said...

I honestly believe that is why women in their 70's are so cranky now (thinking of my Mom). I read stuff like that and don't know whether to laugh or to cry.

Dede said...

Thank you so much for the laughter! I loved this post. I guess I have failed also.

Hubby is a real talker, so when I need to talk to him, I bring out the cashews. Works every time. LOL


Anonymous me said...

Oh dear ... F- for me I think. If I waited for my love to start we'd still be waiting in warm waves of silence. It is part of what I love about him and yet sometimes it maddens me that I ALWAYS have to start. There are far worse things than tolerating this small aspect of us though.

How goes it with you Renee? And Jacquie? You are both still very much in my thoughts and prayers despite my increasingly long absences from blog-land. xx Jos

Clarity said...

That is very sweet, I agree that the "Hi Dearest" is touching.

I think that if he is quiet, or perhaps used to being quiet now ;) then go ahead. Love is sharing after all. There is something in those 50's tips though, more...

I think that advice left out a hot cup of tea and warm slippers. They also expected the wife to be fully made up and dressed for dinner, hmmm. Have you shown this tip to Wahid? It would be interesting to know what he thinks.

deepazartz said...

I think times've changed a l'tl bit. We share the talk...I've things to say and he has it too. We've our "talk time" which is relaxing and which I look forward to each day. Its not a set time, but we do usually have after the day's work is done.

Have a 'talk it out' day, Renee:)

Anonymous said...


Yeah I totally agree with Allegra, totally thinking of you and Jacquie with love.
Bless you so much Renee, you are such a wonderful person!

Lots of love!


Debra said...

Oh dear would I fail too? My husband does not want to talk, much less listen. His first thing is his cup of coffee, and then a shower. It works because I really do not want to talk or listen at the end of my workday. I used to listen, I listened to everyone, Him, the kids, my family. Now to be honest, I don't want to talk or listen to them most of the time, ha ha. Important things get said when they need to be said, for the most part. I have found that everyone seems to want to talk to me when I am on the phone. Then they not only want to talk, but expect you to listen. I could stand and say nothing and no one would talk to me, but just let me pick up the phone and they come from everywhere.
I wonder so they have one of these with suggestions for the men?

A Cuban In London said...

Loved the resolution in your post. Poor Wahid, damn if he talks, damn if he doesn't :-)! But I do agree with your point about the kids. I love listening to my son nowadays when he comes from school and he tells me all about it and the my daughter jumps into the conversation because she is feeling a bit left out.

Loved this post. Many thanks.

Greetings from London.

ruthie said...

So funny, i am definately not a "proper" housewife. thank you for your comments on my blog, always a joy to hear from you. Re our studio, we have had to put it off until next year, due to family health etc, and my over stretching myself, oops. x x blessings to you dear one x x x

Sarah said...

Yeah..I know this one..learned to find the right time to speak..it is hard though..when I wanna speak..I wanna speak..not wait three hours till it is good for him..especially if I am pissed.
Over all..yeah..failed here LMAO..wonderful post hon!!
Love you, Sarah

staceyjwarner said...

LOL, I'm not married but my guess? I'd fail as well.

much love to you!


There is something to say for that transition time that can be so awkward and one-sided.

If it were any one else walking through the door other than the one we were expecting and assuming, we would greet them with patience and respect and offer up some personal space.

Sonia ;) said...

I failed with ya..lol...

I have been trying more since working from home...since

I need to hear about the world outside. Plus he is taking classes and being mentored for Supervisor positions...crossing fingers for him. He is my fair logic thinker, he is very good directing, talking and debating. Extra funds would be nice also...

We have to be thankful for the patient, laid back, understanding men in our lives.


secret agent woman said...

Super fail! Marriage is a partnership, and who wants a man that fragile that you have to pretend that anything he has to say is the most important thing in the world?

Daria said...

Those 50's housewife things are hilarious ...

Hope you are feeling well ... looks like Winnipeg is getting great weather too.

Baino said...

Haha . .you're so funny. Poor Wahid he sounds like the strong silent type. My Dad used to have to work up a rage when he came home because my mother would give him the 'look what Helen did. . ." lecture three hours after the fact. Poor man had to then have the heart to heard with a wayward 7 year old. My dear girl, you are lucky to have such a man who listens, stands by you, let's you rant and rave. He sounds like a lovely man indeed. I'm mother and father to my kids, have been for 25 years so my solution? Talk to myself. Ergo my conversations are always important and I always listen.

zoe said...

i doubt you have ever failed at this...you seem like an exceptional listener, one who would even master a ridiculously funny 50's housewife test :)
kisses back at you!

nollyposh said...