Regarding Wahid

He is my husband and has been since July 5, 1975. I am lucky and he is lucky and we both know it.

The first time I saw Wahid I almost swooned. He was beautiful. He still is gorgeous, but boy-oh-boy he was beautiful. I met him at his brother’s house party where he was wearing white pants and a blue and white polyester shirt. (Yummy)

He asked me to dance (he was and still is a dancing machine) and I said yes. We danced but neither of us spoke.

I told his sister-in-law (I worked with Charlotte) that I thought he was a doll. Next thing you know she invited me over for supper and guess who was there.

Wahid loves to tell the story (all of our memories of our stories are almost completely opposite) of how that evening I was sitting on the couch and he kept looking at me and how I smiled and we talked and then he didn’t really talk but kept staring at me and finally I turned in my seat and looked at him and said ‘Have you got a problem, what are you staring at?’ He loved that I didn’t squirm. As if I would!

We were young and we were happy. Of course, eventually as all young couples tend to do, we grew up, and today after almost 35 years of marriage we are older and still happy. I wonder where the time has gone, why has it sped by so fast, I want so much more of it. I have known Wahid for a long time but it hasn’t been enough.

No matter how things have transpired in my life I can truly say that knowing and sharing my life with Wahid has been one of my greatest joys.

The past is on my right and the present is on my left and the now is smack dab in the middle of my forehead. I haven’t forgotten much of what it has been like to have Wahid by my side.

Wahid was and is the best father a child could ever want. Wahid was 23 years old when Angelique was born, 25 years old when Nadalene was born, and 31 years old when Nathan was born. I have to admit he was over the moon when Nathan was born.

Wahid’s kindness, patience, and genuine understanding have made me kinder, more patient, and more understanding. I love and admire him and he is better than anyone I could ever have hoped for in my dreams.

My relationship with Wahid has gone well because we respect each other. We have a shared history. When I forget, he can speak my memories (his words). Wahid wants for me what I want for him. Wahid and I were talking and I asked him about gratitude. He made me cry because he said he is grateful that he met me. He tells the kids this at least a dozen times a month. I think it is good for them that they have always heard these stories. I always tell them that ‘Yes, Dad is so lucky he met me.’ I even tell him and them that he got a better deal than me; however, I know none of them are buying it.

Wahid has all the character. Wahid has never done a dishonourable thing or said anything dishonourable. He is a man of honour.

I remember when we were younger and went to a party. After the party I mentioned how annoying one of the people was. Wahid was seriously shocked. ‘Renee how could you say that about someone, you were just talking to them and that isn’t very nice.’ I’m like ‘Oh God, whatever.’

As a man Wahid is an incredible individual. He always places his family above all things.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer and was sitting in what I called my coffin on the couch; I was telling Wahid that I didn’t want to die, didn’t want to do chemo, and just fucking didn’t want to die. All Wahid would say was ‘Well Dearest, we have to go through the process.’ To others they may think it isn’t enough but for me it is exactly what I needed. I can talk a lot but I am also silent a lot too, and I don’t want to hear shit talk and Wahid never gives it to me. Also as one of the counselors pointed out in group once ‘It states so much that Wahid uses the word we.’

Wahid never wavers, he is true and loyal and honest and hardworking, and calm, and quiet, and the most intelligent man I have ever met.

Happy Birthday Wahid! Love Renee, Angelique, Nadalene, Nathan, Josephine, and Domenic.

*artwork by Kelly Vivanco