Things In A Head

I want to be oblivious again and I can’t. I have been robbed of my naivety.

Flashbacks From The Month Of November

November 11, 2001

*I do consider myself successful and I believe that if other people were asked if they thought I was successful, they would say yes.

November 15, 2001

*I don’t believe that I judge others. I am very accepting of people. I don’t need a lot of attention from the people in my life. I feel happy and secure if I am by myself.

*I can keep a confidence and can trust Wahid, my kids, and my sisters Jacquie and Colette.

November 17, 2001

*I can be a master of diplomacy. I like looking at pictures and I enjoy listening to music and people speaking.

November 21, 2001

*Today is Wednesday which is the day I do Mom’s laundry, take her for groceries, and then we go wherever she wants. Mom had to get a blood test and x-rays. Then we went back to her house and Dad made breakfast.

*I would like to carry on the tradition of celebrating Christmas on Christmas Eve.

*I am closest to my sister Jacquie. We nurture these bonds by doing lots of things together and talking almost every day.

*I do harbor some resentment today but may not tomorrow.

November 5, 2002

*When all else fails, I try something else.

*I regret that I didn’t have a better education. I’m glad I didn’t give up easy. I would never give up on my marriage or my children.

*I would like to know my self more clearly. I would love my parents more dearly. I would follow my soul more nearly.

November 28, 2004

*I can look over what is going on in my life and take action where action is needed to reconnect with myself and be less stressed. Get rid of emotional loose ends.

*Charity begins at home but it doesn’t need to end there.

November 15, 2006

*Dr. Dubroska said there was already a change to the breast and arm. She said it was early to see a change. Said my blood is low, but it is best to hold out for a blood transfusion as long as I can as I get blood from multiple users and therefore I am getting their antibodies.

November 21, 2006

*Blood transfusion.

November 29, 2006

*Bone scan.

*Talked to Father Ron at Holy Family regarding my funeral. I also talked to Father Ron about the ‘Anointing of the Sick.’ I think in the new year I will have this sacrament done. He said I could also have it performed closer to my death as it is basically the ‘Last Rites’ as well.

*I have to contact a funeral home as well and then I will write it all down for my family.

Flash Forward

Life is a real mixed bag.

Josephine and Domenic are all over Mom and she is getting lots and lots of hugs. Mom is laughing and loving it. We go home and Josephine and I are playing in the yard and decide that we will go off on an adventure. So we start marching and singing in the tune of we are the people in your neighbourhood. “We are on an adventure in the neighbourhood, in the neighbourhood……..” We march down the street and see fairy trees and Santas on roofs and snowmen and reindeer and a pink ball in someone’s yard.

Later in the evening I phone my Mom and Shelly says ‘Mom has just gone to the hospital in an ambulance. Shelly picks me up a half hour later. My Mom has COPD and will need to stay in the hospital for a while until she is feeling better.

There are no perfect days any more, just perfect moments.