It can be difficult when what you see does not match with what the people around you see. It can be difficult when what you say does not match with what the people around you hear. It can be difficult when what you hear does not match with what the people around you speak.
Since adolescence I have felt as though I am walking alone.
It can be difficult when you understand the passion of the people around you but they do not understand your passion. It can be difficult when you understand the love of the people around you but they do not understand your love. It can be difficult when you understand the reality of the people around you but they do not understand your reality.
Since adolescence I have felt as though I was missing the beat.
It can be difficult when what you see is the way to peace but the people around you see never-ending wars. It can be difficult when what you say is life is always worth it but the people around you hear life is not worth it. It can be difficult when what you hear is come in but the people around you say get out.
Since adolescence I have felt as though anything is possible.
It can be difficult when your passion is to truly listen to others but the people around you only want to hear themselves. It can be difficult when you see love passed from soul to soul but the people around you only see that their ego has been slighted. It can be difficult when you see in someone’s reality that they are hurting but the people around you only want to keep their reality buried.
Since adolescence I have felt as though the world will one day be all it is meant to be.
*artwork by Yangge Robin
36 comments:
Good morning to you Renee,
Like you I have always sat on the edge, never finding the slot to fit in...but now do you know what...I am so glad, because I am 100% me...I enjoy my own company, I am resourceful and creative, and I don't need to be surrounded by people.
Although there are many people I love and like, I also love to be alone...
I have stopped seeing this as an abnormality or neurosis of shyness and now see it as a gift.
It forced me to find myself.
It can be difficult to express some emotions with words, but it is such a relief when i read this and find that you have expressed it for me.
Yes.
I am empathy.
xxx
...and so it will be (((hugz))) what yOu are is ~truth~ and sometimes that is a lonely place to stand... but you know 'the times they are a changing' and there is magic in the air, you know it and i know it... yOu are never alone in this because yOu are a part of the magic tOO x
and it is that hope, that faith, that romise that keeps us all moving forward.....thanks renee, you have made my day xx
Lovely image. Lovely thoughts. Such an interesting perspective of adolescence - I remember adolescence as being a very challenging and confusing time emotionally. In many ways, I am glad those years are behind me. In other ways, I yearn for those days of innocence. Hmmm....
Love to you
xoxoxo
What a beautiful post. You've given me a lot to think about this morning...thank you.
Sending hugs...
XO
Anna
How very much of this is Hanna. How well you pegged this dear Renee! How it breaks my heart to know this is where she is and cannot help. How this lightens my heart to know that some of her challenges are normal!! Bless you hon!! Love, Sarah
Yes, I can relate! A stranger in a strange land...I think that is why I tend to retreat and just work within. But from reading the responses it does sound like we're not alone.
Peace...
Once again not only beautifully written but it is the "matching" of picture to words that is the real genius.
Hey Renne, gorgeous post! I can definitely relate; that was me as a young woman. Now, not so much; I've withdrawn a bit.
I think you speak for most of us when you say you felt you were walking alone or missing a beat. I always went to the beat of my own drummer. How wonderful that as an adolescent you were an optimist, seeing the glass half full, finding hope in every situation.
People in denial are such prisoners. It's so much more freeing to be open and authentic. Just own it baby!
The world will be what it will be.
Spinning, yet somedays seeming out of control. Out of OUR control anyway.
Like that damn blizzard you're in the middle of! WTF??
love you!
Warm hugs...
lolo
It was especially in adolescence that these feelings rang strongly through me, but no longer, because there are people like you that remind me I'm not alone. When I think I am apart from others and somehow unique, that is where the danger of separation lies (for me) and ego does her dirty dancing. I have learned that only I stand between myself and others - they just haven't discovered how much truth of their own we carry for them!
I linked my most recent post to you, my friend, and nabbed a quote, too!!
much love, Karin
Yes, I am a square peg in a round-holed world....I don't mind so much, not being one of the sheep isn't so baaaaad (okay that was cheesy, but I meant it)!
I'm pretty much a loner, always have been , always will be. I seem to think better, deeper, and don't feel I need to have many friends. I do have some friends, but we mostly call one another. I like it that way. Hope you feel okay today. Have a great Thursday.
I am doing okay thanks...laying low lately, hoping to get enough energy stored so I can garden once it is warm enough :)
How are you feeling?
Conformity for the sake of conformity is a thankless slave master. Renee, I think that if you and I grew up together you and Bella will be my closest pals. I think I am the minority when I say that when I was a teenager, I did not want to be like most teenagers. I wanted to be different, unique and be myself. Still I had many friends. There were a lot of gossips, and the girls’ cliques hated my guts. I did not want to be with the crowd. I was a rebel. I hated to wear the school uniforms and I wore patched up shirts and pants that I designed myself but I still looked neat - (Father frowned on me but Mother let me do it). Now I wonder why the principal let me do it? I argued a lot and I defied the rules and sometimes had face to face arguments with my teachers in front of the class but I never got in trouble, never got sent to detention. I think it was because I was still respectful and followed rules of conduct. I questioned information that I thought was not factual. I went out of the school environment and expanded my friendship and association with the smart and talented girls from other high schools whom I met through scouting. I traveled a lot and represented my school in many events. I only had four close friends, 2 effeminate boys, one athletic girl and one math whiz girl. I missed three months of school because of Girl Scouting and came back to take the college entrance exams and I got a perfect score and ranked 99.9 percentile. That shut up the girls’ cliques for good. When we graduated the girls were told to wear white dresses, I wore blue.
Several years ago, I went home for my Father’s funeral. I walked to the beach with my husband. It was very hot. We stopped by a nipa hut selling cool drinks. There was a toothless woman who kept staring at me. I looked at her and she looked very familiar. I thought she was my friend, the math whiz. I tried to say hello but she ignored me, so I thought I was mistaken. When I went home my younger sister’s friend was visiting and I mentioned the woman to her. She told me it was my classmate, my math whiz friend. My heart broke that she did not want to talk to me. My sisters’ friend told me that my friend may have been embarrassed because she lives in poverty. I am not happy about that.
Renee, I wanted to tell you that you described yourself so beautifully during last night's exchange. It's a challenge to capture your essence.
I'm sorry your neck is sore and that you still have snowstorms...ours is melting so I will try to send our warmer weather your way!
Hugs and prayers :)
Hi Renee,
Just found your blog! I love it! It is very inspiring!
gasp! this totally took my breath away, beautiful Renee! This will be printed and put on my board next to a handful of things that quicken, These words will be the center piece. Overwhelmed , I am- you jumped into my head, my heart, my squishy parts, my airy self. Just WOW!
renee, being a survivor and independent spririt at a young age prepares you for walking your own path throughout life. i've always felt sorry for people who got everything they wanted only to reach 30 years old, hit a wall, and not know how to reach inward for strength.
you ARE a survivor--i recognize you! and though you may still be alone, you are also not alone.
xo
My daughter is going through this right now and it has reminded me of how difficult I found adolescence too.
You sum up all of those feelings so aptly and like the other beautiful women who have commented here, I see my difference as a blessing rather a burden these days.
What a beautiful, raw, and "genuine" post, Renee. I hear you!!! I've always felt like a "stranger in a strange land." It's good to know I am not alone in feeling this way. But:
1) You are not walking alone.
2) You are definitely not missing the beat. And, sometimes it's for the best to miss the beat. Because sometimes "they" are idiots.
3) Thank goodness that, yes, anything IS possible. "Hallelujah, sister!:)
4) I hope the world will one day be all it is meant to be. And, we can all try to make it that way.
Here's to the "real" and "beautiful" you!
Love ya,
Nancy x0x0x0x0x0
Ever since I read Capote's In Cold Blood in high school, I've always been fascinated with what makes people tick. I have come to see so many similarities between people, and I try to understand why a person is the way he or she is. So even though I feel, at times, like the outcast or the forgotten invisible one, I still see us all as connected in very solid ways. Finding you and similar others here in blogland, where I feel free to express myself without being too self-conscious, has been uplifting on so many fronts. The real world may have yet to reach fruition, but MY world has already been blessed with everything it was meant to be because of you.
Haunting painting, this is. I wonder what she will wish for and what kind of world she sees with those eyes. She probably cannot see the world for what it is. You know, here in Asia -- totally off on a tangent here -- you can get oversized contact lenses to make you look more like your favorite manga/anime character.
I'm getting mine in deep blue. :)
I am holding your hand my friend...
Yes it is a difficult life ...
My dearest blogster sister,I am here to say good morning dear have you slept all fine?I am here to whish you a good day and a better evening and best of all,easy night,sweet dreams with loads of love and understanding!I was not able for a while to write to you,I was fighting some seriuos pain(no pain meds.that help)if they could smash my head with something may be it would help.
Now I am here,en ik ga een mooi gedicht voor je opschrijven,vertellen als we voor een wandeling door de tuin gaan lopen.That means in Dutch; Im going to write and tell you a beautifull poem when we go for a walk trough the garden,OK?
It is from Kate Bush.
A song from her album "The Sensual World".
Rocket's Tail
That November night, looking up into the sky,
You said,
"Hey, wish that was me up there--
It's the biggest rocket I could find,
And it's holding the night in its arms
If only for a moment.
I can't see the look in its eyes,
But I'm sure it must be laughing."
But it seemed to me the saddest thing I'd ever seen,
And I thought you were crazy, wishing such a thing.
I saw only a stick on fire,
Alone on its journey
Home to the quickening ground,
With no one there to catch it.
I put on my pointed hat
And my black and silver suit,
And I check my gunpowder pack
And I strap the stick on my back.
And, dressed as a rocket on Waterloo Bridge--
Nobody seems to see me.
Then, with the fuse in my hand,
And now shooting into the night
And still as a rocket,
I land in the river.
Was it me said you were crazy?
I put on my cloudiest suit,
Size 5 lightning boots, too.
'Cause I am a rocket
On fire.
Look at me go, with my tail on fire,
With my tail on fire,
On fire.
Hey, look at me go, look at me...
Love and hugs from me.Take care,Sandra
Each one of us feels alone and singularly different. Only when we open up, we see ourselves in others.
Thank you for always responding to my words; always encouraging and praising my attempts. Love you.
Beautiful painting matched with your beautiful, thoughtful, expressive piece of writing - what a gift you have for finding just the right words, Renee. Thank you for sharing with us all!
Caroline
Well, that was deep. And honest. And raw. One of the better aspects of getting old (thirty-seven going thirty-eight in Nov this year) is the power of retrospection. I find it fascinating and I believe, you too. Many thanks.
Greetings from London.
You put into words what I so often feel in my heart and soul...thanks.
Flo
How remarkable you are, Renee. You hold the very essence of self in your soul and you give of that light so generously. I'm constantly stunned by your wisdom and insight and the magical weft and warp of your words. More often than not, I go away after reading your blog thinking... 'aah, now I understand' Thank you, dearest Renee, thank you.
Beautifully post - how great it is to embrace our individuality!
I can relate, Renee. You're not alone.
I believe too, I really do.
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