Saturday, 12 December 2009

Soundless Saturday No. 59


Deborah said...

Holy Mother Mary,
Under your Mantle,
We take our refuge.
We take our refuge.

Holy Mother Mary,
Be with Us Now,
And in the Hours of Our Need.
Lead us always to freedom.

Glorious and Blessed Mother
Under your Mantle,
We take our refuge.
We take our refuge.

Sending all of my love to your most Holy Family in your hour of need. I love you Renee, with all of my being. You are such a blessing.
Love, Deb

The Dutchess said...

Together we could try to be "fine"..there is always hope..

Don't let to many birds circle your head them away..the one that keeps the faith can stay:)

Hug from all of us!

Fabulous Finds Gal said...

I get it.

Sending love and peace your way, Renee.

Fabulous Finds Gal

PurestGreen said...


Sarah said...

Yes..this is true..had a week like that..trying to keep from dealing so say..yuppers am fine...when honestly not so much!!! Hugs to you Renee....Love you for speaking always seem to know when I need to hear it!!
Love, Sarah

Ces said...

Oh goodness. I swear and have a very colorful language but I reserve it for private and very special ocassions and I certainly would not use it in an exchange with a stranger because it puts me in the losing and defensive side. Also, I think you are the only one who uses the effing word and it does not sound offensive, that is because I care for you and you are a friend, but I don't think much of people who use f ordinarily especially during a routine "hello" exchange.

"Hello, how are you?"
"I am so effing hurt or bruised."
"oh, okay, I hope you feel better, bye."

"Hello, how are you?"
"I am so effing hurt and bruised."
"Aww honey, tell me about it..."

You know difference? The second one is a friend and a confidante.

When I started blogging I used to exchange visits with people I was just beginning to know and any blog who used the f word in a post was deleted from my list. There was this liberal women's power blog that used the word everywhere, I was turned off and I concluded that the f word was used because of limited vocabulary.

We don't really want to tell the whole world our troubles, do we?
...that is why we are always fine,
...that is why we have friends.
...and confidantes.

Telling the whole world we are bruised and hurt would not really do us any good
...because pretty soon everybody will think we are so depressing,
...and do I really want to tell strangers how I feel?

I want only special people to know how I feel.

They know how to react and what to do and they will either

help me
leave me alone
for now
but I know they are always there for me.

That's what matters to me, not that everybody knows how I feel.

...and I certaily would not listen to a stranger who uses the f word.

You know I have in my forehead the label "talk to me", that is why in a 2 minute elevator ride I met a man who told me he was single and never been married, was diabetic and trying to quit smoking, was an avid bird watcher, asked me the indication for his medication, told me his mother died two weeks ago, his best friend was coming into town next week, his truck was towed away because he parked in front of a hydrant.

Had he used the f word in his cathartic exercise with me during our first meeting, I would have never asked him his name (Terry) and I would never say hello to him again every time I meet him.

Diva Kreszl said...

'tis true...we are often shattered and broken, feeling like sharp shards of glass, may the love and prayers sent your way restore you to wholeness!

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...

How true! Sometimes I get so tired of hearing 'fine', thinking it is not the truth. Sometimes I get so tired of saying 'fine', knowing it is not the truth.

We have all entered into a silent conspiracy to say 'fine', even when we are anything but.......
because no one has time for those who are not......

I think of you every day Renee.

Bogey said...

Renee, I have to agree with you 100%. Sadly, I feel, too many people neither care or have lost the ability to show empathy towards others. They don't bother asking you how you are for fear that you will tell them, making them feel uncomfortable so they just choose not to ask any more. Our world has gotten too damned fast, it's all we can do to keep up with it all. Perhaps if we turned off some of the electronic gizmo's we carry around with us and step out into the physical world and socialize more we can better understand how our neighbours really are as opposed to just accepting them as FINE. And so, if I ask you Renee, how you are, FINE is not the answer I expect. 'Cause we all know that FINE means; Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. Hey, maybe I am FINE. Happy Soundless Saturday.

Ces said...

But you are my friend and I love you that is why I will take anything from you and be there for you but if you are a stranger asking me to listen to you I will certainly not be around because I am an adult and have my prerogatives too.

Linda Sue said...

Yeah! Sometimes it is not Mr. Rodger's neighborhood and we feel we have cat scratch fever- if a person asks "How you doing" they usually just mean "I acknowledge your existance- I see that you are there but I have troubles of my own and don't need yours " so we just say "great"...and go about our way until someone SEES us and says "here, lets go for a coffee and I will let you pour". Then they add a bit of cream and sugar and the warmth nearly melts you both into puddles. I would love to take you out for a coffee...and you could pour all over me, the table, the floor, and we most likely would end up in histerics, laughing at tragic human condition in the face, - drinking the cream straight out of the jug with spoonsfull of sugar. And , yes, we probably would be asked to leave...

Marion said...

Amen, sister! I hate it the MOST when my freaking doctor walks in and says, "How are you?" DUH! I wouldn't BE here if I was 'fine'! Thanks, Renee, for saying what we all think.

May Our Lady of Guadalupe bless you on this, her special day! Love, Hugs & Blessings!

Jaliya said...

Ah, Renee ... This is hilarious in that "black humour" way ... I remember being told by a friend who was a long-time member of AA that 'FINE', in that community, means Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional.

I also once knew a girl, a fellow university student (in social work) who tried an experiment one day 'cause she was sick and tired of how people so thoughtlessly asked and answered the "How are you?" question ... She went out for a whole day to stores and other places, and whenever someone said "How are you?" or "How ya doin'?" or the mumbled "Have a nice day", she responded: "The abortion was a success ..." (She hadn't really had one) -- Every single person, she told me later, either went on as if she'd said nothing unusual ... Other people's eyes bugged out of their heads and they did their best to quickly escape ...

Renee I love you!!!!!!!!!

Way deep down where it counts ... you are so much more than "fine" xoxoxoxox

Ces ... I love your elevator story! Isn't it amazing how one brief encounter can end up lasting for a lifetime?

pinkglitterfae said...

I'm so sorry Renee...

studio lolo said...

I think the reply "fine" is just not wanting to share private issues with us. Others reply with their long laundry list of woes du jour and we end up saying to ourselves, jeez sorry I asked!

Sometimes we can't win.

I still have 2 good wings. I meant what I said.

love you every day.

Caroline said...

Hear hear. But 'fine' is a word we know people can deal with.x

Annie said...

Love you. A lot. Wish I could change things...Sending a hug every second of this day, and tomorrow too. And the next.

Kolleen said...

I hear that!!!! thank you for sharing it!!

karen gerstenberger said...

I LOVE this - and I love you. You always call it exactly as you see it, and that's one of my favorite qualities. Another is lovingkindness, and you have that in abundance. How rich you are, and how rich I am to know you. Thank God for you. XOXO

Shaista said...

I can't even bear the question, "How are you?" !!
I just laugh, usually, because after so many years, what else can I do? :)

I love all these comments your friends write from their heart - I love the prayer to Mother Mary, and I like the part above about drinking coffee together, particularly the cream and sugar, and being asked to leave because you are having too much fun! I want to come too :)
Going into hosp on Monday - blow me a kiss, I am blowing you two xx

Ruth said...

One of the first posts I read of yours was about how people don't really want to know how you're doing.

It's like a lot of things in life, we have our "civilized" side, and our real honest side. The part of us that is private, inside, where we are completely real (hopefully).

I protect what is in my heart and mind with constant care. Bringing out some kind of truth to meet the world is a daily dilemma.

I like the word verification: huckl (rhymes with . . .)

soulbrush said...

mostly i find that when people say 'how are you?', they don't really want to know, so answering 'fine' is about all they expect...sigh. we are losing our ability to care in the modern world. sigh.

Eleonora said...

Not fine, no.
My heart is with you, my dear dear friend.

Warm hugs,
Lola xx

Anonymous me said...

Dear heart, there will be days when my prayers fall silent ... when I find myself lost for words. I turn to these words on such days.

Hail, Holy Queen, Mother of mercy, our life, our sweetness and our hope. To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve. To thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears. Turn then, most gracious advocate, thine eyes of mercy towards us. And after this our exile, show unto us the blessed Fruit of thy womb, Jesus. O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary!

Pray for us, O Holy Mother of God, that we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

O God, whose only begotten Son, by His life, death, and resurrection, has purchased for us the rewards of eternal life: grant, we beseech Thee, that meditating upon these mysteries of the Most Holy Rosary of the Blessed Virgin Mary, we may imitate what they contain and obtain what they promise, through the same Christ Our Lord. Amen.

Renee I know these words are as familiar to you as your own face. Will you pray with me? I will pray.

xx Jos

Kate said...


That was well said. I sort hate the word fine. It tells you nothing. I sometimes throw fine out the window and then realize the person that asked me really did not want to know how I was and think oh I was stupid about that. I go through spurts where I tell people what I think and then back off. How can we truly be human if we all walk around saying Oh we're fine... Yikes. I wonder what the world would be like if we told people what we really thought. Would we be more compassionate, would we be walking in someone else's shoes at least part of the time. Would we become better people for it. Oh I have no idea I am just rambling today.


Elizabeth said...

Could anything be more powerful than honesty? I imagine only love and I hope that all love is sent your way, Renee.

Anonymous said...

Hi Renee, here we say fine a lot also. When I am not fine, I usually answer, "still going" and the other person says. "well, you've got too" Both lightly laugh a little and nod our heads.
maybe this will catch on in USA?
Then we are telling the truth by letting the other person know, but not to heavy as light street talk.

You are allowed to swear Renee, as much as you like!



Snowbrush said...

I'm with you. Fucking simply can't ALWAYS be "fine" even for Tiger Woods now can it?

sinnlighet said...

I send a little warmth and love to you through the cyber-world, and I hope you understand that you are important to me. I love our cyber-friendship!

Peace & Love

Dearest greetings from Agneta

Allegra Smith said...

Oh I say that fine stands for "If you really care how I am you would hold my hand and tell me that I don't look happy or well, or "is there anything I can do?" I don't care if you use the F word. I won't lecture anyone or judge them by the use of a word. For example, I can swear in English like a sailor but I cannot in any other of the languages I speak (four)and I guess it is because not being my native language the meaning, if rude as it could be, is lost on me.

The evolution of the language is a living thing, "A plague upon your house" would have little if any meaning to a young person today.
"Fuck you!" even when they don't know the intrinsic meaning of the word they know is the equivalent of a plague upon your house. And by the way, I too am "fine". I love you, and I just wish we could sit by the fire today and drink tea and send plagues upon the houses of misery.

*jean* said...

ooo dear renee...fighting disingenuous, one post at a time...

motown always helps me...

Doris Sturm said...

ha, ha, ha....I know what you mean, Renee. I use the "fine" word when I just don't want to get into it. When I first learned the English language I was taught that saying: "how are you" does not actually require an answer, but just another "how do you do" but when I ask people around here (a subsidized low income elderly housing facility) how they are doing, I get the whole kit and kaboodle and face it, we are all old, sick and disabled, so we need to concentrate on "fine" and thank God for every breath we can take without life support...just my strange way of avoiding thinking of the inevidible: LIFE - gotta love it - nobody gets out alive!

Tom Bailey said...

Life existing in language as my point of view NOT truth.

When asked how I am:

I do not say "fine" I like using much more powerful words like "perfect" - "incredible" - "amazing"

I love your blog it makes me think.

Kindest regards,
Tom Bailey

Marie S said...

My definition of fine is Jaliya's AA definition, so I can actually say I am fine with a little smile and chuckle.
Even when I am not. Most people don't really care, it is just conversation.
That is why when I ask some one how they are doing, I shut down all the other bull in my head and listen.
I love you my pretty!

zoe said...

you are beautiful and a joy to know, and my powerful, magical cats, husband, and myself are all sending you radiating love and happiness. here's to you feeling waaaaaaay better than fine...

Baino said...

Ooops - I'm surprised Ces hasn't taken me off her blog roll! I swear like a trooper despite having a broad vocabulary!

I blame the culture of shop assistants asking how you are without giving a shit it's devalued the question "How are you?" to the point where we all just say 'fine' because we know they don't care. You're right, it's not 'fine' you're not 'fine' and it grieves me so. Vent as you like Renee, you deserve a sounding board more than anyone. I wish I could say something more positive and uplifting, I wish I could make it all go away but the best I can do is be a distraction and you don't ever have to tell me you're felling 'fine'.

Michelle said...



Anonymous said...

"My people are broken - shattered! And they put on band-aids, saying, "it's not so bad, you'll be just fine." But things are not 'just fine.! (Jer6:14 the message)

From Mary's blog asplendidadventure

Bella Sinclair said...

Dearest, let us turn this on its head and change it from a defensive, pity-me statement to an offensive, snarky statement, shall we? When we say, "Fine," we really mean, "Go the eff away, leave me alone, I do not wish to discuss it with you or receive your obligatory sympathy." The people who really know us, who really care, and who will offer us the purest love to help us heal will be those who do not even need to ask how we are. They will see the hurt in our eyes even before any words are spoken.

Love, love, love.

Purpur said...

What can I say? My mammogramme results came with the conclusion I should see my family doctor and take ultrasound, my sister barely made it through, our parents are old, my husband is in detention (prison, but not accused yet) and AM I FINE??? Of course I am fine. Crying myself to sleepless night after sleepless night. Oh boy!

Purpur said...

Of course I am fine: my mammograme test requires me to report to my family doctor and take ultrasound, my sister is barely alive after one year of hell fighting with breast cancer, my husband is in custody.... I am really fine! But why tell anybody? People commiserate and gloat - they think such bad luck or whatever happens to somebody else. But, it does not.

fairbluemoon said...

Just know I'm holding your hand and I'm not letting go!



Kelly Berkey said...

Take care and warm hugs to you. I'm sorry you are hurting.

Lisa said...

Fuckin' A!

Sarah said...

True-but hard for most to say or to hear I suppose-and not what people generally accept as the normal way to respond to enquiries. I see you point. I pretty often read your other comments and this post has some very interesting ones-I liked reading Ces's long comment a lot-especially how she used to delete people who used the f word!
I wish you were fine and that everyone was. Life would be a lot better that way. Love to you.xx

Sophia said...

(tears welling up) I have felt like this the last few days. Renee!!!!!!!

((reaches arms out for a hug)))

yoborobo said...

I am joining Deb in her prayers for you, my friend. Love you, Renee. xoxox Pam

Ribbon said...

Sometimes... only sometimes and yes sometimes can feel like forever, but it's not.

Dear beautiful Renee whom I love... wishing you caboooodles of moments of joy now and forever.

the end xoxo Ribbon

Wine and Words said...

Abso-poso-lutely! Keep it real Renee.

Silke said...

Renee, isn't that the truth. I've noticed though, thinking about that statement, how much I have stopped listening with my ears and instead listen with my intuition. It doesn't matter what someone says to me, the moment I hear their voice or look at them, I know how they are really feeling. Sending you all my love, Renee! You are a bright light! Silke

YayaOrchid said...

Renee, I'm hoping that things are better for you. I'm thinking you've been through a lot and certainly have a right to vent. I just want to say that the Lord intercedes for us in our weakest and worst moments. Just cry out to him Renee. No one has a better understanding of your pain than him. He truly has been there. Time is short...for all of us. No better time than now to get right with God. He's just a prayer away.

Lord, I ask that you help Renee. Whatever her circumstances, and whatever her situation in life, Lord that you send someone to minister to her Lord. Rebuke the thief who would steal the blessings you have in store for her. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Karin Bartimole said...

Perhaps you've heard this acronym for those who claim to be FINE?!
Fucked up
and sometimes things are so far from fine - and saying so is more than fine.
I love you,

Mim said...

I know I'm exhausted and will tell anyone who asks

The romantic query letter and the happy-ever-after said...

Did I say already how as a Gemini I dig that photo above, for I do. It appeals to everything in my nature. As for the rest well, I am two so I'm seldom 'fine' and I never or rather I'm unable to pretend to be fine when I'm not.
Warmest regards,

Daria said...

I can feel your rage ...

Silver said...


i love honesty. that's as honest as it gets.. and there are just some days, so much like it, isn't it??

love & hugs,

Jason said...

This is a great site you have here. It's pretty funny. I have a humor blog as well and I'd like to exchange links with you. This will spread some traffic around between us. Let me know if this is cool.

HilariousHeadlines TALK

kj said...

renee, i think i'm missing something because i don't have the same reaction as many of these comments. when someone asks me how i am, it is up to me to answer as i wish.

i try not to say fine unless i mean it or unless i don't care to share what's really going on with me. i can't blame the person who asked me unless she or he doesn't really give a shit. and in that case, i usually already know that is the case and i don't care one way or another.

if i'm clearly vulnerable and someone ignores that one way or another, well, that is a different story.

when my father was really ill my brother would ask him over and over how he was feeling and my father would say 'ok'. and my brother would take that literally. i would think, 'are you nuts? of course he's not fine". but that was my father's way of dealing.

xoxo plus.

Maggie's garden said...

In my experience...Some people can only live on the surface...they don't have the capacity to go deeper into how you feel.I call them the surface people. It's unfortunate...for them. They miss out on so much. Renee you don't have to be fine. In your good days and bad I'll love you anyway. All there love.

We are eternal beings having a human experience.

Draffin Bears said...

Dear Renee,

Sending my love & hugs to you dear one.
You are very much loved by all.

Carolyn xo

deepazartz said...

Sending you some extra special you, Renee:)

Pattee said...

I am never Fucking fine... never...
And I don't believe that anyone is fucking fine....

But my dear friend I so hope you are "fucking" fine because I hold you close to my heart.....
xox and love~Pattee

@eloh said...

Oh thank you Renee, I've been looking for a nice quote to write in the Christmas cards this year.

This one will do just Fine, very Fine.

Finding Felix said...

No matter what we say, we are not fine. And there are some who will never understand. And some will. My heart aches for you and your family, because I know something of the hurt and bruises you are suffering every day.
I understand. And it is not fine. Not fine at all.

Debra said...

Yes I know this. I understand from both sides and would say to you, I say if you are not fine just Shame the Devil and speak the truth. I also know at least for myself, it is often difficult to ask "how are you" not because I do not wish to know, but rather because I feel as helpless as the person I ask, I feel as though I have nothing to offer when something like this happens. The powerless feeling we have in these situations are shared. I have been thru some of this with my son, and my heart aches for you right now. I come here each day to read, see and hope for something good. I pray for you and your family, that God be merciful and give you a reprieve from all this pain and worry. Being here and not knowing what is happening I imagine the worst, while hoping for the best. I am forced to accept I cannot fix this for you, but I am here with you, hoping, praying, wishing, and sending my love to you every day.
I cannot tell you what to think, believe, feel, or do. I am here though, and will remain. I wait here with you, and I am listening. You are not fine, perhaps angry, worried, scared, but definitely not alone.

Clarity said...

Darling Renee,

You are right. "Fine" is too small a word sometimes. It trips out without thinking. Perhaps the "How are you?" should signify "I am there for you" whatever the answer. I hope you know that I am, anytime, anywhere.

Peace and love, xxx

Noreen said...

You got it girl!

Manon Doyle said...

There's so much to love about you Renee!! This post is another example!! You can say what you feel anytime girlfriend!! I'm listening!!


A Cuban In London said...

I would like to hang this sign in between the two shops I saw the other day with jingle bells, elves and Father Christmas on their display window. It would definitely be a reality check so powerful that not even Anne Summers advertising vibrators under its 'Have a Horny Christmas' could topple it. Many thanks.

Greetings from London.

PS: Word verification? 'monies' :-)

Marie S said...

Words of wisdom- I love you!

You are the word of wisdom on my blog.

Sarah said...

That's true-it almost makes Monday morning sound attractive! Number 12 is a lantern made by a child at my school-they took part in a winter parade yesterday-an artist came to school last week to make the lanterns with them. It was really pretty and magical. Apart from the Mayor who I didn't recognise and who just looked like a slightly creepy man in a Santa hat and a medallion! I am sure he is very nice really! x

glorv1 said...

Oh Renee, I pray with everyone else for your well being. Always my thoughts are with you.::hugs::

Caio Fernandes said...

no words for this Renee .
perfect .

kj said...

and a MESSY CHRISTMAS!to you too!


secret agent woman said...

"Fine is just a social word, for all those situations where you don't want to talk about it or when you know someone is just being polite. But so often, we are very, very far from fucking fine.

secret agent woman said...

I'm "fine." :} Okay, not completely, but I'll get there.

Sandy said...

Sometimes you just have to take some time away from counting the blessings and being up.

Allow yourself a wallow for as long as you need.

Lots of love,


Poetic Artist said...

Could you say what you really mean my friend..LOL...Only you can say this and get away with it..
Yet my thoughts and wonders of how you really are is my question?

TheChicGeek said...

Love it, Renee :)
Actually when I'm not fine I'm just "okay"...equally NOT TRUE!

What do we say, "I'F'g miserable!" Yes....that would be good and accurate!

Here's to honesty!
Loving you Always!

Angela Recada said...

You always have a way of getting right to the heart of things, dear one. I won't repeat what others have said, except to say that I love you.

Sonia ;) said...

Right On Sister....woot woot


Anonymous said...

I love this! I have stopped saying "fine" I just say it like it is. Transperancey is what is truley missing from peoples lives. Love you lots and praying for you and your family.
Tracie xo

Dede said...

So well said....


rochambeau said...

Hi Renee,
No one is ever fucking fine, because life is not perfect. Not for anyone. All people struggle. It is the human condition, yet we have a choice. We can choose to be the finest possible. I think you are this Renee!! A very fine and perfect person!! Funny, brave, talented, open, loving, generous soul....... Perfection.
I so admire you, friend!


kj said...

here i am commenting again.


all these comments are so great. how interesting to read all our different takes and viewpoints.


hee hee xoxo

Lila Rose said...

Renee I love this.
It's so true.
Love and hugs,
Lila xx

Angie Muresan said...

I wish I could scoop up all that's hurting you and throw it in the sea of nevermore.


Rob-bear said...

"I'm all right for the shape I'm in."

They you let other people respond to that. See what happens. (I think I'm with Ces on this, about two kinds of people.)

Pattee said...

Renee you are always so kind about my work... Thank you so much!

How are you doing?????????????
What is your Christmas going to hold for you?

My son, Russell and I are going to have a quiet dinner together and then drive to Seattle the morning of 12/26 and have a glorious time of watching the people and maybe buying a few things on sale.... maybe.... I hope it will be a well worth Christmas a mix of of our family and experience and gifts...

I am thinking of you and the people you love~
xxooxxoo pattee

Eleonora said...

I love you too, Renee. You are always in my prayers.

As far as my manuscript, no one seems bold enough to publish a Nobody like me. Either that or my agent is not working hard enough. Whatever the reason, I'm starting to lose faith that it will ever see the shelf... Silly me.

How are YOU doing? Chin up...
Lola xx

Chrisy said...

Hey darlin girl, Of course you're not'd be a deluded nut case if you were 'fine' after the year you've had...I love you honey.
ps...our time is precious...let's not spend it with people who can't tell we're lying when we say we're 'fine' or with those that we feel uncomfortable saying exactly how we really feel.

Rebecca Ramsey said...

It's so true.
But I always want to hear the truth from you, and from others.
I'm sending you love and prayers.

Artistic Accents by Darla said...

Huge, warm hugs to you Renee!
Love, Darla

Diana Evans said...

Hi Renee!!!
Sending you thoughts and prayers !!!


Calli said...

Renee~ I love a woman who tells it like it is!

My thoughts & prayers are with you my new friend!

much love~ xoxo
Calli Renee

Kaylen said...

I hope you're fine today. :)